Feedback Techniques

Q. Is a "feedback sandwich" still a best practice? (a word of praise followed by constructive feedback, then more praise)? A. No. When a "feedback sandwich" is effective it's not because of the "sandwich" format. It's because there is already enough trust established between the manager and the employee that the employee can accept the manager's suggestions easily - meaning the "sandwich" wasn't even necessary. The reason so much managerial feedback is badly received by employees is not because of the way it's delivered. It's because the relationship between the manager and the employee isn't strong enough. We easily accept feedback from people we trust - like a family member or good friend. A manager can establish that level of trust by being someone employees look up to and respect. It takes time to build trust but it's absolutely worth it. When your teammates trust and respect you, it's because you trust and respect them too. When you reach that point, they'll not only listen to your feedback, they'll ask for it. For years managers have been taught that certain words or phrases or techniques like the "feedback sandwich" will help their feedback be better received, but this is bad advice. It goes counter to everything we know about people. If the reason you're able to give feedback is because you're the manager and they are not - an unequal power relationship - your feedback is not likely to do any good. It can easily damage your relationships even further. Trust is the key. Someone has a PTO request? Make it your highest priority to approve it. Someone needs you to look at a document? Do it as quickly as you can. There's no mystery about how to build trust on your team. The problem is that in many organizations they don't talk about this topic. They don't give it much importance. They assume that being a manager is enough. You're the manager, so employees must listen to you. But it's not true. If there's too little trust, your feedback will feel like a threat. With trust in the mix, you'll address anything that needs to be shared in the moment, like this: YOU: Sandy, what was the story with that Acme Explosives thing? SANDY: Oh, they have a new Receiving person who didn't see the Priority code on the bill of lading. We got it straightened out. YOU: Great, thanks. Somebody at Acme was hot about it. Leo, I think? He called me. I talked him down but he wasn't thrilled. SANDY: He's the Receiving manager. Thanks for talking to him. YOU: What can we do when that kind of thing happens, to avoid a small problem blowing up? SANDY: I got too worked up. I was trying to help the new Receiving guy but I guess he was nervous about making a mistake, so he was defensive and I was too harsh. That's my bad. Sorry about that. YOU: Okay, no problem, do I need to do anything else? SANDY: No, I'll shoot Leo an email and copy you in. I know what to say. YOU: Tremendous, thanks!

Over the past 20 years, I've had the opportunity to work with the world's best leaders. Here’s the truth I’ve seen across every industry, team, and culture: Emotionally intelligent leaders don’t fear criticism. Most people don’t struggle with criticism because of the words being said; they struggle because of the emotions those words trigger. They use it. They turn feedback into fuel. Here’s how you can handle criticism with emotional intelligence: 1) Don’t react Work on self-regulating. Pause for 2–3 seconds. Breathe. Let the emotional spike settle. Instant reactions destroy clarity. Regulated responses create it. 2) Separate the message from the emotion. Ask yourself: What part of this feedback is valuable? What’s not? Self-awareness turns defensiveness into insight. 3) Assume positive intent, even when it’s hard. Most people aren’t trying to attack you. They’re trying to be heard. This mindset shift can transform high-performing teams. 4) Get curious, not combative. Say: “Help me understand what you’re seeing.” Questions lower tensions; curiosity opens doors. 5) Take ownership of your part. Emotionally intelligent leaders reflect, adjust, and move forward. 6) Use criticism to grow your leadership presence. Every piece of feedback is data about: • How you’re showing up • How others experience you • How you can communicate more effectively Criticism is an opportunity reflect, grow and respond with confidence. If you want to lead with influence, trust, and emotional maturity, mastering this skill is non-negotiable. What’s one strategy that has helped you handle tough feedback more effectively? Follow me, Christopher D. Connors, for more insights on how to lead with emotional intelligence.

One insecure leader can ruin a high trust workplace. You think psychological safety means honest feedback. They experience feedback as a threat to their self-image. You raise concerns to protect the work. They hear criticism and feel exposed. Insecure leaders need to be seen as competent, liked, and unquestioned. They tolerate openness only as long as it reinforces their ideal image. The moment feedback disrupts that image, safety collapses. Trust becomes conditional. Candour becomes risky. People learn to speak carefully, not truthfully. High trust cultures don’t usually fall apart through discomfort or even conflict. They unravel when one leader cannot tolerate reality. Scapegoating begins when the person who speaks frankly becomes the problem. The feedback giver is reframed as negative, difficult, or misaligned. What was once encouraged is suddenly punished. In a workplace governed by a toxic leader, psychological safety is performative. It exists until it’s tested. When you understand that, you stop confusing stated values with lived behaviour. You learn to read when openness is real and when it’s decorative. You protect relationships without sacrificing your judgment. That’s where discernment becomes authority. 📫 If you’ve watched a healthy culture deteriorate under insecure or toxic leadership, you’re not imagining it. I help professionals assess trust, influence, and risk accurately so they can stay credible and in control when leadership can’t tolerate feedback. 🔗 How psychologically safe cultures erode under insecure leaders: https://lnkd.in/gKc_9Taq

How you receive feedback Determines how successful you become (in career and life). 4 proven tips to help you gracefully accept the gift of feedback: 1/ Listen actively Why: By approaching feedback with curiosity, you show a willingness to listen to understand (vs. to respond) the other person's perspective. How: Maintain eye contact, nod to acknowledge understanding, and wait until the person has finished speaking before responding. Remember, listening doesn't mean you agree with everything. "Thank you for sharing your thoughts on my presentation. I'm curious to learn more. Can you elaborate on the areas you think need improvement and what advice you have on how I can approach these differently?" 2/ Seek diverse perspectives Why: Asking for feedback from different people gives you a clearer picture of what you’re doing well and where you can improve. Plus, it helps you spot patterns in how others see your work. How: After receiving feedback on risk management from one person, reach out to others for additional perspective. "I'm looking to improve the quality of my risk management and reporting within my program. Do you have any advice for me in this area? Your input will help me de-risk execution and provide more accurate representation to stakeholders." 3/ Take time to process and reflect Why: Feedback can sting at first contact. Taking time to process it helps you manage your emotional response and consider it objectively. You can then identify key takeaways and develop a plan for implementing changes. How: "I appreciate your feedback on my communication style. I want to take some time to reflect on your suggestions and consider how to incorporate them into my interactions with the team. Can we schedule a follow-up meeting to discuss my action plan next week?" 4/ Express gratitude and close the loop Why: Expressing gratitude shows that you value the person's time and effort in providing feedback. Following up proves you’re serious about improving. How: "Thank you for sharing your feedback on my project estimations. Your input on factoring dependency review timelines has given me valuable perspective. Attached is the revised proposal based on your suggestions. I welcome any additional feedback you may have." PS: Feedback is not all-or-nothing. Even if you don't agree with everything, there's usually something valuable to take away. PPS: How gracefully you handle feedback directly correlates with whether others will give it to you (again). Image Credit: Roberto Ferraro

At Radical Candor, I often hear the question, "How do I know if my feedback is landing?" The answer is simple but not always easy: Radical Candor is measured not at your mouth, but at the listener’s ear. It’s not about what you said, it’s about how the other person heard it and whether it led to meaningful dialogue and growth. Before you start giving feedback, remember the Radical Candor order of operations: get feedback before you give it. The best way to understand how another person thinks is to ask them directly and reward their candor. Next, give praise that is specific and sincere. This helps remind you what you appreciate about your colleagues, so when you do offer criticism, you can do it in the spirit of being helpful to someone you care about. When giving feedback, start in a neutral place. Don't begin at the outer edge of Challenge Directly, as this might come across as Obnoxious Aggression. Just make sure you're above the line on Care Personally and clear about what you're saying. Pay attention to how the other person responds - are they receptive, defensive, sad, or angry? Their reaction will guide your next steps. If someone becomes sad or angry, this is your cue to move up on the Care Personally dimension. Don't back off your challenge - that leads to Ruinous Empathy. Instead, acknowledge the emotion you're noticing: 'It seems like I've upset you.' Remember that emotions are natural and inevitable at work. Sometimes just giving voice to them helps both people cope better. If someone isn't hearing your feedback or brushing it off, you'll need to move further out on Challenge Directly. This can feel uncomfortable, but remember - clear is kind. You might say, 'I want to make sure I'm being as clear as possible' or 'I don't feel like I'm being clear.' Use 'I' statements and come prepared with specific examples. Most importantly, don't get discouraged if feedback conversations sometimes go sideways. We tend to remember the one time feedback went wrong and forget the nine times it helped someone improve and strengthened our relationship. Focus on optimizing for those nine successes rather than avoiding the one potential difficult conversation. Creating a culture of feedback takes time and practice. Each conversation is an opportunity to get better at both giving and receiving feedback. When you get it right, feedback becomes a powerful tool for building stronger relationships and achieving better results together. What’s one small adjustment you’ve made to give or receive better feedback? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

The hardest steps at work... Not to the printer room. Not up the stairs to the office. It's the steps to someone's desk when you need to have that difficult conversation. Want to make those steps easier? Here's what I've learned: 1. Timing is everything ❌ Don't give feedback: - Right before important meetings - When someone is hungry - When emotions are high - In public spaces ✅ Choose moments when: - There's time to talk - Basic needs are met - You're both calm - Privacy is assured 2. The delivery matters Start with: "I'd like to share something, is this a good time?" Then use the magic formula: "When [situation], I noticed [observation], and it made me feel [impact]. Because for me it is very important to [need], Do you think next time we could try this instead... [collaborative request]" 3. Remember ⤵️ - You can't control their reaction - You can only control your delivery (tone of voice and body language matter) - Your feedback might be the awareness they need - Change is their choice, not your responsibility 4. Set the right mindset: - Acknowledge your own imperfection - Be open to their perspective - Listen more than you speak - Focus on growth, not blame 🛑 Most people don't resist feedback. They resist feeling judged. Your role is not to fix them. It's to create a safe space where truth can be spoken and understanding can flourish. 🚧 Because at the end of the day: We're all works in progress, learning and growing together. P.S.: What's your best tip for handling difficult conversations? #Leadership #Communication #PersonalGrowth #WorkplaceCulture #FeedbackCulture

Why Listening Is a Leadership Imperative Performance feedback is one of the most common tools managers use to drive improvement. But what if feedback often undermines performance instead? Over two decades ago, Avraham Kluger analyzed 607 studies on feedback effectiveness. The finding was startling: in 38% of cases, feedback actually reduced performance. This wasn’t limited to negative feedback. Even positive feedback backfired — especially when it threatened how people saw themselves. The problem isn’t the information. It’s the psychology. Feedback signals hierarchy. It reminds employees that someone is judging them. That subtle power dynamic can trigger stress and defensiveness — making people less open, less reflective, and less willing to change. When people feel threatened, they don’t improve. They protect themselves. They may: * Downplay the credibility of the feedback giver * Dismiss the feedback itself * Avoid future interaction to protect their self-esteem In other words, feedback often activates ego defense instead of growth. What if change doesn’t begin with telling people what to fix — but with listening? High-quality listening — attentive, empathic, non-judgmental — creates a radically different psychological climate. Rather than signaling, “You need to change,” listening communicates, “You are safe to explore. This idea echoes psychologist Carl Rogers’ insight from 1952: people change not when they are corrected, but when they feel deeply understood. And the data supports it. Listening lowers defensiveness. When people feel psychologically safe, they: * Reflect more honestly on strengths and weaknesses * Consider multiple perspectives * Share rather than compete * Seek understanding instead of validation In short: listening supports self-driven change. Feedback often provokes resistance. Listening invites growth. If listening is so powerful, why don’t managers do more of it? Three barriers consistently show up: 1. Fear of losing power Some leaders worry listening makes them look weak. In reality, research shows strong listeners gain prestige through admiration — not intimidation. 2. Time pressure Listening requires attention. Attention requires time. Many managers listen while distracted — which neutralizes the benefit. 3. Fear of what they might discover Deep listening can disrupt assumptions. Managers often learn things that challenge their narratives — struggling employees caring for dying spouses, hidden burdens, untold stress. Real listening can create cognitive dissonance. And that can be uncomfortable.

Your response to feedback reveals more about your leadership potential than your actual performance. After coaching hundreds of executives through difficult feedback conversations, I've learned that how you receive feedback determines how much you'll receive in the future. The feedback death spiral looks like this: 1) Someone gives you honest input 2) You get defensive or make excuses 3) They decide you're not coachable 4) They stop investing in your development 5) You stop growing What high-potential leaders do differently when receiving feedback: ✅ Stay Curious, Not Defensive Replace: "That's not what I meant" With: "Help me understand what you observed" ✅ Ask Clarifying Questions "Can you give me a specific example?" "What would you recommend I do differently?" "How did that impact you/the team?" ✅ Summarize and Confirm "What I'm hearing is..." "Let me make sure I understand..." "The key takeaway for me is..." ✅ Express Genuine Gratitude • Thank them for their courage to speak up • Even if the delivery wasn't perfect • Even if you disagree with the content Treat feedback like market research about your leadership brand. The person giving it is your customer, telling you about their experience with your "product." You don't have to agree with all feedback, but you should always understand it. The best leaders I coach actively seek feedback because they know their careers depend on what they can't see about themselves. Coaching can help; let's chat. | Follow Joshua Miller #executivecoaching #feedback #leadership #careeradvice #business

Your next 1-on-1 is either building trust or breaking it. Most managers treat them like status updates. Most employees see them as obligations. After years of leading teams through growth and crisis, I've learned the truth: The best 1-on-1s aren't meetings. They're investments in human potential. When done right, these 30 minutes can transform: • Disengaged employees into champions • Surface problems become solutions • Good performers into great leaders Here's how to make every 1-on-1 count: For Managers: 1/ Start human, not tactical "What's on your mind?" beats "What's your update?" every time. Let them drive the agenda first. 2/ Listen like your success depends on it Because it does. Their challenges are your early warning system. Their wins are your team's momentum. 3/ Ask the question that matters "What support do you need?" Then actually provide it. Trust compounds when promises are kept. For Employees: 1/ Come with intention This is your time. Own it. Bring your real challenges, not just safe updates. 2/ Share what's actually blocking you Your manager can't fix what they can't see. But come with potential solutions too. It shows you're thinking, not just venting. 3/ Talk about tomorrow, not just today Where do you want to grow? What skills are you building? Make your development their priority. Great 1-on-1s don't just review work. They build relationships. They surface insights. They prevent fires instead of fighting them. The game-changer most miss: End every 1-on-1 with absolute clarity: 📌 What are the next steps? 📌 Who owns what? 📌 When will we check progress? Vague endings create frustrated teams. Your people don't need another meeting. They need a moment where someone truly sees them, hears them, and helps them win. Give them that, and watch what happens. What's one thing that transformed your 1-on-1s? ♻️ Repost if this changes how you approach 1-on-1s Follow Desiree Gruber for more insights on storytelling, leadership, and brand building.

Criticism Builds Character... and a Stronger Personal Brand. Online negativity can feel like a knock to your confidence. I get it – I’ve been there. The first time I faced it, it hurt. Someone said I wasn’t "very smart" because of my degree, and a person I knew wrote a post and publicly called my online presence "boring". But here’s the truth: showing up online means facing criticism – it’s part of the deal. The good news? You can flip the script. Criticism is a chance to show resilience, reinforce your values, and grow your personal brand. 9 Ways You Can Turn Criticism Into Personal Brand Growth 1️⃣ Choose Your Battles ↳ Not every comment deserves a reply. ↳ Trolls thrive on attention – don’t give it. ↳ Engage only with comments that add value. 2️⃣ Know When to Delete ↳ Hate speech or personal attacks? Delete them. ↳ Constructive criticism? Leave it – it shows you’re open to learning. 3️⃣ Practise Empathy ↳ Negativity often reflects the critic’s struggles. ↳ Ask yourself: "What’s going on in their world?" 4️⃣ Feed the Algorithm ↳ Controversial comments can boost visibility. ↳ Reply strategically to keep the focus on your values. 5️⃣ Turn Criticism Into Content ↳ Use criticism as inspiration for your next post. ↳ Address common misconceptions and demonstrate thought leadership. 6️⃣ Welcome New Perspectives ↳ Disagreement doesn’t mean disrespect. ↳ Engaging with different views shows maturity and builds credibility. 7️⃣ Own Your Mistakes ↳ Admitting errors makes you relatable. ↳ When I corrected a factual error publicly, it earned trust. 8️⃣ Set Boundaries ↳ Respectful dialogue is welcome. ↳ Personal attacks are not – protect your energy. 9️⃣ Reframe Negativity ↳ Criticism means you’re making waves. ↳ Take it as a sign that you’re standing out and having an impact. Criticism isn’t a roadblock – it’s a stepping stone. Every negative comment is a chance to showcase your resilience, professionalism, and values, building a stronger personal brand in the process. 👉 How do you handle online negativity? I'd love to hear your go-to tips. ♻️ Repost this to inspire someone who needs to show up more online and stop fearing criticism. 🔔 Follow me, Jen Blandos, for actionable insights on business, entrepreneurship, and workplace wellbeing.