Confidence Building Techniques

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

🗣️“You must be more assertive.” Last year, those five words burned into Amy’s memory. She’d walked out of her 2023 review at XYZ Global determined to “step up.” Speak more in meetings. Push harder on decisions. Stop softening her tone so she wouldn’t intimidate anyone. She did exactly that. Fast forward 12 months. Same conference room. Same 2 VPs across the table. 🔇“You’ve become too intense, need to work on softening your approach.” 😑 Amy stared at them, speechless. Wasn’t that what you asked for last year? Which version of me do you actually want? She thought about the past year: 🤔 The time she challenged a flawed budget forecast in front of the CFO, saving the company $3 million, but earning whispers that she was “abrasive.” 🤔 The time she stepped in to rescue a failing project, praised for her “grit” publicly, yet privately told she “dominated the room.” 🤔 The time she finally got invited to an executive offsite, only to overhear a VP say, “She’s great, but can be… a lot.” This is the tightrope trap senior women walk daily: • Be assertive, but not too assertive. • Be collaborative, but don’t fade into the background. • Be visible, but not “hungry.”    The same behavior praised in men (decisive, strong leader) gets women penalized as abrasive or too much. Until you set the narrative yourself, you’re trapped performing for a moving target. If you’re exhausted from balancing on a wire men don’t even see, here’s how to step off it and still rise. 1. Audit the pattern, not just the feedback • Track every piece of feedback, especially contradiction. Patterns reveal bias. If the goal keeps moving, it's not you! • Phrase to use in review: “Last year I was encouraged to increase my presence; this year I’m told to soften it. Can we clarify what success really looks like?”    2. Control the frame before the room does • Pre‑set the narrative in 1:1s and emails leading up to reviews. I.e., “This year I focused on driving results while bringing the team with me, you’ll see that reflected in project X and Y.” • This primes leadership to view your assertiveness as an intentional strategy, not a personality flaw.    3. Build echo chambers, not just results • Secure 2–3 allies who reinforce your strengths in rooms you’re not in. • Promotions happen in the absence, you need people echoing your narrative, not someone else’s. • Phrase to brief an ally: “If my leadership style comes up in review, can you speak to how I challenge decisions but still align the team?”    Women aren’t just asked to deliver results. They’re asked to perform, decode, and reframe, all while walking a wire men don’t even see. If you’re exhausted from balancing between “too soft” and “too aggressive,” stop walking the wire and start controlling the narrative. Join the waitlist of our next cohort of ⭐ From Hidden Talent to Visible Leaders ⭐ https://lnkd.in/gx7CpGGR 👊 Because leadership shouldn’t feel like an impossible balancing act.

She wasn’t rejected for her skills. She was rejected because her English froze mid-sentence. Riya (name changed) was one of the brightest engineers in her batch. She could code complex systems, explain algorithms, and solve real-world problems. But in every interview, the same thing happened: She’d pause. Stumble. Lose words. And walk out convinced: “I’m not good enough because my English isn’t perfect.” The truth is: Recruiters don’t reject you for grammar. They reject you for the nervousness that takes over when you treat English as a test of intelligence. So here’s the 8-step system I built with her: 1️⃣ We switched from ‘perfect English’ to ‘clear English’. Your interview isn’t an IELTS exam. You don’t need Shakespeare. You need clarity. Instead of long, confusing sentences → we practiced short, direct ones. Example: ❌ “I am desirous of contributing in multifaceted capacities…” ✅ “I want to contribute by solving X and improving Y.” 2️⃣ We built her “answer bank” of 20 power phrases. Instead of memorizing the whole script, she had reusable building blocks. For instance: “One of my key strengths is…” “A challenge I overcame was…” “Here’s how I added value in my last role…” This gave her confidence anchors she could lean on anytime she froze. 3️⃣ We recorded her answers daily. Science shows self-review accelerates fluency by 40%. Listening back helped her fix hesitation and filler words. 4️⃣ We practiced mock interviews in Hinglish. Yes, half Hindi, half English. Because confidence comes before fluency. Once she nailed the answers in a mix, we gradually switched to full English. 5️⃣ We trained pauses as a strength. Silence feels scary in an interview, but it signals confidence. She learned to pause, breathe, and continue instead of rushing. 6️⃣ We expanded her vocabulary with “workplace words.” Not fancy jargon, but 50 words recruiters hear daily: “collaborated,” “resolved,” “delivered,” “improved.” The kind of words that show impact. 7️⃣ We focused on body language, not just words. A confident smile, steady tone, and eye contact make small mistakes invisible. Recruiters remember presence more than prepositions. 8️⃣ We rehearsed under pressure. I simulated real interview stress: timers, tough follow-ups, even deliberate interruptions. So the real interview felt easier than practice. The result? Riya went from 5 straight rejections… To landing her dream role at Infosys in her 7th interview. Not because she suddenly became “fluent.” But because she showed confidence, clarity, and ownership. 👉 If you know someone struggling with English in interviews, Repost this and help your friends land their dream job too. #interviewtips #englishspeaking #careercoaching #dreamjob #interviewcoach

Five years deep in self-doubt research taught me that confidence is far more trainable than people think. Here’s the science in 50 seconds. 1. Confidence is built, not born
Beliefs about ability change through experience. (see Dweck’s growth mindset research, social cognitive theory, and Kuhl’s action orientation research) 2. Mastery is the strongest fuel
Past successes build belief, especially when earned through effort. (see Bandura’s work on self-efficacy & mastery experiences) 3. Modelling matters
Seeing similar others succeed expands what you believe is possible. (see the research on vicarious experience; social cognitive theory) 4. Words shape belief
Encouragement and feedback influence perceived capability. (see work on verbal persuasion and the pygmalian/golem effects) 5. Confidence is contagious
Your social environment shapes what feels possible. (see the research on social and emotional contagion ) 6. Your body affects your mind, and your mind affects your body
How you interpret stress changes confidence and performance. (see the transational stress model, Jamieson et al.’s wok on stress reappraisal, and cognitive behavioral research) 7. Self-trust compounds
We infer identity from repeated behavior. (see self-consistency theory, self-perception theory, and temporal self-appraisal) In 50+ years of research, there’s one overarching truth:
Confidence grows through action. Save this for the days you forget confidence is trainable 💛 And if you want help to train your own confidence, my book BIG TRUST is exactly that. I share 29 evidence-based tools to help you train the very attributes that allow you to back yourself when it counts. Actionable, practical, powerful. You can get it (at most places) where books, ebooks, and audiobooks are sold. P.S. Which one of these 7 is most relevant for you?

I was lucky enough to have my team grow from 6 to 800 people in 9 years. I was promoted from Senior Manager to Director to Vice President, and I had imposter syndrome the whole time. Here are 4 ways I fought it, and how you can too: It is no surprise that when my team grew 130x from 6 to 800, I ended up not fully knowing what I was doing. At the same time, it is hard to say no to opportunities when you have experienced downsizing and setbacks. So, as the chance to take on new tasks and challenges was available, I said yes. There was definitely an element of "fake it until I make it" in the whole process. It is also true that most of the leaders above and below me were in the same situation. Because of the unprecedented growth of Amazon through these years, most of my managers and direct reports were also in the largest and most complex jobs of their lives. While I cannot know the inner workings of their minds for sure, I feel confident that many of them had similar feelings of imposter syndrome. Action 1: If you worry that you are in over your head, or that people might find out you don't completely know what you are doing, realize that this is normal. Action 2: Understand that it is normal to be in the largest and most complex job of your life for much of your career. If you are not, it often means you have either stepped back intentionally or that you have suffered a setback (like a layoff). Growth inevitably means doing harder things than ever before. Action 3: Get help. Be open with your mentors on what you need. You do not have to share all your worries to lay out your challenges and ask for advice. If you are in an environment where admitting “development areas” is unacceptable, turn your language around and ask for "help optimizing performance and delivery." No one will be against optimization, and it amounts to the same thing - getting insight on any gaps and places to improve. Action 4: Hire a coach, therapist, or counselor if you need one. To be top performers, we need a strong mental game. As leaders, particularly of knowledge work, our whole performance comes from our minds. None of us would hesitate to go to a doctor if we were sick, or a trainer to develop our bodies, so getting help with our mental performance should be a no-brainer. However, there is hesitation and sometimes shame in getting help with our mental game. Readers: I really want to create a short course on fighting imposter syndrome and developing a strong mental game to help with these common challenges. What mental challenges are you fighting? If you have overcome typical worries either in a specific job or long term, share what you did please.

Not every connection builds you. Some quietly break you. “Build your network,” they say. What they don’t teach is the equally important skill: knowing when to create professional distance. I learned this early — and the hard way. I once shared context about office dynamics with a new colleague, thinking it would help her onboard. One of those “this stays between us” moments. It didn’t. What I meant as helpful context became circulating information. That was my first real lesson in trust. The second came later. A colleague I considered a close friend was having backchannel conversations with leadership, trying to pull one of my teams under her scope. I found out after the fact. No acknowledgment. No conversation. Just quiet maneuvering. I managed to stop it — but the damage was already done. Here’s what those experiences taught me: Anyone can be blindsided. Experience doesn’t make you immune. Ignoring your instincts just delays the cost. Being thoughtful about who you trust isn’t being guarded. It’s being responsible. Strong leaders aren’t just good at building relationships. They’re intentional about managing them. Think about it this way: You wouldn’t give everyone unrestricted access to your inbox. So why give everyone unlimited access to your time, energy, or context? Strategic distance doesn’t mean coldness. It means clarity. Here’s what that looks like in practice: ↳ Keep conversations project-focused, not personal ↳ Use the grateful redirect: “Thanks for flagging . Let’s anchor on our quarterly goals.” ↳ Create structure instead of constant availability ↳ Stay consistent and professional with everyone ↳ Share information deliberately, not reflexively The goal isn’t to burn bridges. It’s to stop building them too fast. Your time, energy, and trust are finite. Managing them well isn’t politics. It’s leadership. Not every professional relationship needs closeness to be effective. The strongest leaders know which relationships to nurture — and which to keep at a respectful distance. The hardest lessons about trust don’t come from enemies. They come from people you assumed were safe. That distinction changes how you lead. ♻️ If this resonates, share it. ➕ Follow Janet Kim for grounded leadership insights. _________ How I help: I leverage 19 years in Stanford tech to help mid-career and senior professionals: ↳ Clarify their leadership brand ↳ Build confidence and presence in high-stakes rooms ↳ Prepare for promotions and new leadership roles So you’re seen, heard, and valued — without having to become someone else.

A highly qualified woman sat across from me yesterday.   Her resume showed 15 years of C-suite experience. Multiple awards. Industry recognition.   Yet she spoke about her success like it was pure luck.   SEVENTY-FIVE PERCENT of female executives experience this same phenomenon.   I see it daily through my work with thousands of women leaders. They achieve remarkable success but internally believe they fooled everyone.   Some call it imposter syndrome. I call it a STRUCTURAL PROBLEM.   Let me explain...   When less than 5% of major companies have gender-balanced leadership, women question whether they belong.   My first board appointment taught me this hard truth.   I walked into that boardroom convinced I would say something ridiculous. Everyone seemed so confident.   But confidence plays tricks on us.   Perfect knowledge never exists. Leadership requires:   • Recognising what you know • Admitting what you miss • Finding the right answers • Moving forward anyway   Three strategies that transformed my journey:   1. Build your evidence file Document every win, every positive feedback, every successful project. Review it before big meetings. Your brain lies. Evidence speaks truth.   2. Find your circle Connect with other women leaders who understand your experience. The moment you share your doubts, someone else will say "me too."   3. Practice strategic vulnerability Acknowledging areas for growth enhances credibility. Power exists in saying "I'll find out" instead of pretending omniscience.   REALITY CHECK: This impacts business results.   Qualified women: - Decline opportunities - Downplay achievements - Hesitate to negotiate - Withdraw from consideration   Organisations lose valuable talent and perspective.   The solution requires both individual action and systemic change.   We need visible pathways to leadership for women. We need to challenge biased feedback. We need women in leadership positions in meaningful numbers.   Leadership demands courage, not perfect confidence.   The world needs leaders who push past doubt - not because they never experience it, but because they refuse to let it win. https://lnkd.in/gY9G-ibh

A leader without confidence weakens the whole team. But a confident leader? That’s a force multiplier. Confidence changes how you: 🗣️ Speak in meetings ⚔️ Handle conflict 🧾 Take ownership 🧠 Make hard decisions 🚀 Inspire others to act But here’s the truth: Confidence isn't something you have. It's something you build. Here’s how to develop it at work: 1. Know your strengths and where you struggle → Use your strengths more in your daily work → Pick one weakness and make a plan to improve it 2. Prepare before important work moments → Plan what you want to say or ask → Review what success should look like 3. Speak up in meetings even when it’s hard → Make one comment or ask one question → Say your idea before checking if it’s “right” 4. Use language that shows you mean what you say → Swap “I think” for “I recommend” → Stop ending sentences like they’re questions 5. Ask for feedback that helps you improve → Ask: “What’s one thing I could do better?” → Write down what you’ll try next time 6. Take on tasks that stretch your ability → Volunteer for work you’ve never done before → Choose something that makes you slightly nervous 7. Use body language that helps you feel confident → Keep your hands out and your posture open → Look at people when you're speaking or listening 8. Build relationships with people you trust → Share what you’re working on with them → Ask how they handle doubt or stress 9. Learn how to recover after setbacks → Write what you learned, not just what went wrong → Make one small fix and move forward Confidence isn't ego. It's certainty in your ability to figure things out. How has confidence changed your career? Let me know in the comments. ♻️ Repost to help someone build their confidence 👉 Follow Lauren Murrell for more like this

“I freeze in meetings,” she said, eyes down, voice barely above a whisper. “It’s like… I know what I want to say, but the moment I try, I just blank out.” We began with what seemed obvious—working on structure, clarity, and phrases to anchor her thoughts. But a few sessions in, I realized this wasn’t just about communication. This was about self-trust. So I asked her gently, “Are you afraid of saying the wrong thing… or of how people might see you after you speak?” She paused. “I think… I’m scared they’ll stop respecting me if I mess up.” There it was. She wasn’t afraid of speaking. She was afraid of not being liked after speaking. So we shifted. We worked on tone. On breathing. On pauses. But more than that—we worked on mindset. We practiced owning her space. Believing her thoughts mattered—even when her voice trembled. The next week, she sent me a message: “I did it. I spoke in the meeting. My heart was pounding but I did it.” And then came the line that gave her everything she needed: “Afterwards, my boss said, ‘We’ve been waiting to hear your perspective.’” ⸻ Sometimes, what we think is a “speaking problem” is actually a “believing in yourself” problem. And once you heal that? Your voice finds its power. #communicationskills

Women learn to speak with less confidence. Here's how to change that: Young girls are taught to: - Speak softly. - Be diplomatic. - Keep the peace. This can make you seem "too nice". Or not assertive enough. Worse: you over-correct & become “too aggressive”. Here are 3 research-backed insights into WHY women are perceived as less confident (and how you can change that): 1. Women internalize blame more. Men say: "There's something wrong with my project." Women say: "There is something wrong with me." → Why it matters: Finding faults in yourself damages self-perception. → What to do instead: Question where the fault lies.  It’s easier to fix a project than a person. 2. Women tend to use more self-deprecating humor. → Why it matters: Excessive self-deprecation makes others take you less seriously. → What to do instead: Mix up the types of humor you use. 3. Women express their vision more “realistically”. Men tend to share more ambitious, grandiose visions. Women tend to share more realistic, achievable ones. → Why it matters: Women could be seen as being less "visionary" because of the hesitation to verbalize big goals. → What to do instead: Don’t let the desire for being realistic dilute the strength of your vision. The idea isn't to start speaking like men. The idea is to recognize your own strength. You deserve to speak as your most confident self in any room. P.S. Ever notice a speech pattern in yourself?