A contrarian view on "First Impression"

First Impression is the Best Impression.

All of us are advised from a very young age to present ourselves well to all the new people we meet so that they like us. This constant mental conditioning always amused me and raised a question in my mind - is the first impression so important? Why?

In my previous article, this question came up in the middle of our discussion on whether we consciously try to fabricate our mannerisms or just be our own selves. While I am fully aware of the conventional wisdom which advises us to put more emphasis on our first impressions, I wanted to go against the grain and see for myself where it leads me to.

As social animals, it is natural for us to feel comfortable with some people and not so comfortable with the others. To decide whose company we should be in, we tend to have a mental checklist for any new person we meet. If the new person checks most of the boxes, we decide to socialize with them.

I believe we are very vulnerable when we do not know the equation that we share with the other person. Since trust is such a big part of every relationship, we want to make the decision as quickly as possible. This decision helps us to eliminate the people who, in our view, are not "compatible".

I am not a behavioural scientist, but I believe that the first impression is so crucial because we want to feel safe when interacting with a person, and we do that by quickly running some filters on them to see if they are worth spending time with.

Can we focus less on the first impression and benefit from it?

Common sense says it is always better to be over-prepared. Preparing in advance for an introductory meeting with someone/group of people is always safer so that there is no nervous energy during the initial interaction, which is when people are supposed to judge us.

What if we over-prepared and gave an inaccurate impression of ourselves?

Let me explain. Suppose we wanted to come across as a desirable person and prepared accordingly (This scenario is most suitable for professional networking events). We do an excellent job of projecting ourselves as the person they wanted to interact with. It is definitely going to leave a good impression on the other person. This is true only if our behaviour and mannerisms were not fabricated and if we were just being natural.

Suppose they later find out that we were not the person we portrayed ourselves to be in the first meeting. What happens? How do they react?

I do not know for sure. But, in my opinion, they would not feel as connected to us as they felt before. We all know a relationship breakdown (personal or professional) is a painful process. It takes our time and energy, which could have been used constructively elsewhere.

I believe that the concept of first impressions put a lot of pressure on people, which can be handled properly if we understand that our natural behaviour will not attract everybody. But, it will attract the right people to our lives. That is the best outcome one can hope for.