Tips for Using Self-Talk to Improve Performance

Want to boost performance with zero tech and zero cost? Change your words. The language you use internally and externally can transform how you think, decide, and act. Here are 3 tiny word swaps that can massively improve motivation, creativity, and self-control: Stuck on a tough problem? Most people ask: “What should I do?” That’s the wrong question. Try: “What could I do?” Why it works: “Should” narrows options “Could” expands them “Could” encourages possibility. “Should” creates pressure. Use “could.” It opens doors. Want more discipline? Don’t say “I can’t eat dessert.” Say “I don’t eat dessert.” “Can’t” feels like punishment. “Don’t” feels like identity. This one word tweak makes self control part of who you are not something you force. Most of us think: “I have to work out.” “I have to pitch this idea.” Try: “I get to work out.” “I get to pitch this idea.” It reframes the task from obligation to opportunity. These shifts seem small but their impact adds up fast. They cost nothing. They take seconds. And they train your brain to think better. Try one today. Catch yourself in old language and rewrite the script. Your words build your world. Choose wisely.

Throughout my flying career, I was surrounded by the greatest fighter pilots in the world. I felt privileged to learn and fly with them, but I often felt out of my element. As I joined these high performing teams, my inner critic regularly told me I wasn't good enough, which made me hesitate and second-guess how I showed up. Luckily, I learned that self-doubt wasn't a reflection of my potential, but an emotion to acknowledge. Here's what I discovered along the way: 💡 𝗥𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗴𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗱𝗼𝘂𝗯𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘁 𝗶𝘀 - an internal narrative. Once you learn to recognize and challenge these thoughts, you open doors to new possibilities. You'll find yourself taking on challenges you previously thought impossible, leading to: • Increased confidence • Career advancement • A sense of fulfillment 💡 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆, 𝘀𝗼 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗿𝘂𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹. Start by keeping a thought journal for a week: • Write down any negative self-talk you notice. • Look for patterns like "I'm not good enough" or "I'll probably fail." • Challenge these thoughts by looking at the evidence. Often, you'll find these beliefs aren't based on facts. 💡 𝗥𝗲𝗳𝗿𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝘀 𝗼𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘄𝘁𝗵. When faced with a challenging task, instead of thinking, "I can't do this," try, "This is a chance to learn something new." • Set small, achievable goals related to the challenge. • Acknowledge small victories. • Seek feedback from trusted colleagues and mentors to gain new perspectives. Remember, just like I learned to trust my abilities in the cockpit, you too can overcome self-doubt. It's a journey, but with each step, you're building the confidence. << What advice would you give for someone dealing with crippling self-doubt? >> ------------------------ Hi, I'm Michelle. I'm a former fighter pilot turned speaker, author, and coach. If you found this helpful, consider reposting ♻️ and follow me for more content like this.

Imposter syndrome isn’t a weakness. It’s often a sign of growth. You’re stepping into something bigger. And your brain is trying to catch up. That voice that says: “You’re not ready.” “You don’t belong here.” “They’re going to figure it out.” It doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re stretching. The best leaders don’t avoid doubt, they learn how to work through it. And they know what to reach for when it shows up. This cheat sheet is for those moments. The ones where your confidence goes quiet and your inner critic gets loud. Here are 6 tools to to help you regroup, refocus, and move forward: 1. Build a Wins Bank Self-doubt erases your memory. This is your proof file. Fill it with kind words, small wins, and brave moves. Look at it when your confidence fades. Let facts interrupt the fiction. 2. Flip the Script Most imposter thoughts are bad first drafts. Write them down. Rewrite them like a coach would. “I’m not qualified” becomes “I’m learning, and I was chosen.” Better thoughts lead to better outcomes. 3. Ask, Don’t Assume Imposter syndrome fills silence with worst-case stories. Don’t guess. Ask. “What’s working? What could I improve?” Stop inventing problems. Start solving real ones. 4. Use the 10% Edge You don’t need mastery to be meaningful. If you’re one step ahead, you can guide someone forward. That’s how leadership starts. 5. Talk Like a Friend You wouldn’t tear down someone you love. So don’t do it to yourself. Compassionate self-talk isn’t weakness. It’s a leadership skill. 6. Reach for a Micro-Win Confidence isn’t built in your head. It’s built through action. Shrink the task. Send the email. Make the call. One clear win can reset your mindset. 💡 Here’s the truth: You don’t have to wait for confidence to arrive. You build it by acting in the face of uncertainty. And having the right tools makes that possible. 📌 Save this for when you need a reset. ♻️ Repost if this helps you (or someone on your team) own their worth. 👉 Follow Desiree Gruber for more tools on storytelling, leadership, and brand building.

"If someone spoke to you the way you speak to yourself, would you be friends with them?" I ask my mentees this question often—because it is always eye-opening. "Your brain believes every word you say—so what are you telling it?" As a student of human psychology and as a leadership and career coach, I see the effect of people's inner talk, limiting their potential and sabotaging their growth. Do you observe this silent saboteur in your head? Most of us wouldn’t tolerate constant criticism from others, yet we allow our own inner voice to be our harshest critic. The problem? Your brain can’t tell the difference between thoughts and reality—what you tell yourself becomes your truth. Negative self-talk isn’t just a bad habit; it rewires your brain, elevates stress, impacts performance, and shapes your entire reality. Your words shape your world. Neuroscience shows that the brain doesn’t differentiate between real threats and self-imposed negativity. Every time you criticize yourself, even as a joke, your subconscious accepts it as truth—fueling stress, limiting confidence, and reinforcing self-doubt. Want to break the cycle? Shift from being your harshest critic to your greatest coach: ✅ Catch negative thoughts in real-time ✅ Reframe self-criticism into constructive self-talk ✅ Eliminate self-deprecating jokes—your brain doesn’t know the difference ✅ Use affirmations that reinforce strengths, not shortcomings Change your words, change your mindset, change your reality. How do you talk to yourself daily? Would you speak to a friend the same way? Let’s discuss. #Mindset #Leadership #SelfTalk

High performers are their own worst critics. And it stalls growth by draining energy. After a hard meeting, you replay it in your head. ↳  You notice where you talked too much. ↳  You wonder if you came across too harsh. ↳  You create a narrative about what others are saying. ↳  You promise yourself you will do better next time. But criticism without a behavioral plan does not improve performance. Self-criticism names the problem. That is insight. It may even be accurate. It is not improvement. Improvement sounds like this: “In tomorrow’s meeting, after I make my point, I will pause for five seconds and ↳ ask, ‘What are you thinking?’ before continuing.” Now your brain has something it can execute. Instead of, “I was too aggressive in that email,” ↳ Decide, “In my next difficult email, I will draft it, wait one hour, then revise it to include one clear sentence that acknowledges their perspective.” Instead of, “I blew that presentation,” ↳ Commit, “That presentation was too long and too detailed. Next time, I will lead with the main decision and limit myself to three supporting points.” Instead of, “I delayed that decision yet again,” ↳ Tell yourself, “Tomorrow at 2 p.m., I will set a ten-minute timer, write three options, circle one, and send the decision before 2:15.” Your brain executes instructions, not criticism. If you do not give it a new script, it repeats the old one. And repetition is expensive. ↳ It shows up as the same meeting dynamic. ↳ The same communication tension. ↳ The same delay in decision-making. ↳ The same invisible ceiling on your leadership. Growth does not stall because you lack awareness. It stalls because you lack rehearsal. The path forward is not looking back with regret. It is rehearsing the next right behavior. After any interaction that matters, ask yourself one question: What exact behavior will I practice next time? Not what did I do wrong. What will I execute differently? If you are scaling a team, running high-stakes meetings, or making decisions others depend on, vague reflection is not neutral. It compounds mediocrity. Operational leaders rehearse. That is the difference. ➕ Save this for your next self-coaching moment. ♻️ Repost for leaders who refuse to wait for development.

Researchers ran a study where participants took a simple quiz. Group A got plain instructions. Directions we have all heard a million times before - something like “Take your time. Use a pencil. Tell us when you’re done.” Group B got the same instructions, but with a few achievement words sprinkled in: win, succeed, master, greatness. Here’s the result: 1. Performance improved. Group B got more answers correct. 2. Motivation doubled. Group B worked harder and wanted to keep going. 3. Chemistry changed. Reading achievement words boosted dopamine and testosterone, literally shifting their brain and body state. The lesson: The words you use don’t just communicate information. They shape effort, mood, and results. That means every email, every Slack message, every to-do list is a chance to prime performance: • A manager giving feedback • A team lead writing a Monday morning email • Even you writing to yourself in your to-do list It takes just a few seconds to swap “finish this report” with “master this report” or “achieve this milestone.” Language is leverage. Use it wisely.

Self-talk… Inside of the mind and body of former NFL player…Aaron Donald…thoughts, emotions, and feelings sizzle… Thoughts happen to him Emotions happen to him Feelings happen to him So what does he do? He talks to himself… “Controlled aggression, controlled aggression” One of the finest defensive ends…but human. Brilliant, but human. And so he experienced worries and doubts and anxieties and uncertainty… …and so he talked to himself prior to competing. So he used self-talk…goal-directed self-talk… Goal-directed helps players attain control over cognitions and shifts activation for action. It can help players/athletes solve problems and progress on a task… It's a technique that can be used to: -control technical execution -take strategical decisions -manage thoughts and feelings -increase effort -strengthen confidence If you'd like to learn more about self-talk, listen into my conversation on The Sport Psych Show with one of the world's leading experts in self-talk Alexander T. Latinjak here: bit.ly/3lABfOp Also check out my conversation with the brilliant Ethan Kross on The Sport Psych Show here: apple.co/3Jbd7Kc Ethan is one of the world's leading researchers on self-control and so his work is dedicated to techniques like self-talk Also check out my conversation with Noel Brick, PhD on The Sport Psych Show here: bit.ly/3TjDNND Noel is a brilliant sport psychologist & his research into self-regulation in endurance sports offers valuable insights into the use of self-talk

To support feeling more confident, let’s give ourselves a self-talk reboot.⁠ ⁠ Here's how:⁠ First, the part of you that is the highly self-critical Inner Critic is not *you*. It’s important to see and feel the difference between you and your self-criticisms.⁠ ⁠ Grab a journal and write down your self-criticisms, but instead of using "I", use "You". If you're thinking, "None of my ideas are any good", write down "None of your ideas are any good". You'll start to notice just how mean your inner talk has been. Question whether those self-critical thoughts truly reflect your perspective or if they're just inherited beliefs.⁠ ⁠ Next, encourage yourself as if you were speaking to a different person. Give yourself periodic boosts by talking in the third person. It’s known as “self-distancing” and has been proven to be extremely effective.⁠ ⁠ For example, imagine you need to present at an important meeting and your anxiety levels are skyrocketing. This is where you would talk to yourself as if you were receiving advice from an objective advisor, mentor, or coach. ⁠ ⁠ Try this template:⁠ 1). "There’s no need to be nervous about giving this talk. You’ve done this a hundred times before." ⁠ Address yourself by your first name and provide supportive advice – just like you would to a friend.⁠ ⁠ 2). "Just remember what points you can and convey your love for the subject. People will respond to your passion and enthusiasm." ⁠ Soothe yourself and remind yourself of a truth about the situation.⁠ ⁠ 3). "You’re an accomplished, professional, and seasoned speaker. You're going to do great." Use the power of affirmations to expand your perception of yourself. Give yourself that final positive stroke to make it all stick.⁠ ⁠ This is your roadmap to a self-talk reboot. Share with me in the comments what step you like the most! For more tips like this, check out my LinkedIn Learning course "Banish Your Inner Critic"! https://lnkd.in/eUAJMAps

Have you consciously observed your self-talk? What are the stories you tell to yourself -  1. About yourself (what you are?) 2. About your situation (what is happening with you?) 3. About your life (what do you want to do?) Now pick up some common thoughts from your self-talk and replay them. See how you feel about this. 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐩𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐮𝐥, 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐬𝐮𝐛𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐭 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐮𝐩 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝. So next time, you indulge in self-talk, make the conversation 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐟𝐮𝐥.   If you keep running conversations (in your head) with others, and how they had hurt you, or how you could have said something different (in your favor) - 𝐏𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐄 See how you can make the self-talk more 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞. See how this conversation reflects the real you, and what you want to become. You can focus on being - 𝟏) 𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝟐) 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝟑) 𝐕𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝟒) 𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐞 𝟓) 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭 As a working professional, 𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐞 your thoughts and words. I can't do this ----> I can try I am confused ----> I am exploring I failed so badly ----> I learned so much I feel fear ----> I feel the need to be strong What is your Self-talk looking like now? #CareerCoach #SelfTalk #MindsetShift #PersonalGrowth #PositiveThinking #SelfAwareness #ProfessionalDevelopment #MentalWellness #LeadershipDevelopment #GrowthMindset