Setting Ground Rules for Discussions

“Let’s have a meeting to talk about meetings,” said no one ever. But maybe we should. A Microsoft global survey found the #1 workplace distraction is inefficient meetings. The #2? Too many of them. Sound familiar? Last week, I led a meeting effectiveness workshop for a team of 15 at the request of their practice leader—who happens to be my husband. His team’s meeting struggles? Rambling discussions, uneven engagement, unclear outcomes, and lack of follow-through. He thought a meeting AI tool might fix it. Nope. AI can help document meetings, but it can’t make people prepare better, participate more, or drive decisions. The fix? It’s not “Have an agenda”. It’s setting the right meeting norms. My husband was hesitant to put me in the late morning slot–worried the team would tune out before lunch. I told him, “Put me in, coach. I’ll show you engagement.” And I did. For 90 minutes, we tackled meeting norms head-on through interactive discussions and small group exercises. Here are 5 norms they worked through to transform their meetings: 1️⃣ 𝗦𝗲𝘁 𝗰𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗰𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗮 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮 𝗺𝗲𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴. An agenda is a list of topics. A purpose answers: What critical decision needs to be made? What problem are we solving? Why does this require a discussion? If you can’t summarize the purpose in one sentence with an action verb, you don’t need a meeting. 2️⃣ 𝗕𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗼’𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗼𝗼𝗺. Some discussions only need two people; others require a small group or the full team. Match the participants and group size to the topic and purpose.  3️⃣ 𝗗𝗲𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗼 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲. Before the meeting, define the problem or goal. Identify potential solutions. Recommend one. Outline your criteria for selecting the solution(s). Back it up with data or other relevant information. Preparation = productivity. 4️⃣ 𝗔𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗴𝗻 𝗮 𝗳𝗮𝗰𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗰𝘂𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻. A good facilitator keeps conversations on track, reins in tangents, and ensures all voices –not just the loudest–are heard. Facilitation matters more than the agenda. 5️⃣ 𝗘𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗰𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀. Summarize decisions. Assign action items. Set deadlines. Follow-up to ensure accountability and progress. A meeting without follow-through is just wasted time. The outcome of the workshop? 100% engagement. (One person even admitted she normally tunes out in these things but stayed engaged the entire time!) More importantly, the team aligned on meeting norms and left with actionable steps to improve. Want better meetings? Set better norms. Focus on facilitation. What’s one meeting tip that’s worked well for your team?

Do you have trouble getting the entire team to participate in group discussions, brainstorming sessions, etc.? To get people talking in group settings, create a safe and inclusive atmosphere. Here's how: 1. Set Ground Rules: Make it clear that all opinions are valued and that it's a judgment-free zone. 2. Small Talk First: Warm up with light topics so folks get comfortable speaking. 3. Use Open-Ended Questions: Questions that can't be answered with just "yes" or "no" open up the floor for more detailed discussion. 4. Direct Invitations: Sometimes people just need a nudge. Call on them directly but offer an easy out like, "Feel free to pass." 5. Silent Moments: Pause and allow silence. This gives people time to gather their thoughts and often encourages quieter folks to chime in. 6. Positive Reinforcement: When someone does speak up, validate their contribution, even if it's just a simple "great point." 7. Anonymity: Use tools or methods that let people contribute anonymously. Then discuss the anonymous points as a group. 8. Break into Smaller Groups: Big settings can be intimidating. Smaller group discussions can make it easier for people to open up. 9. Rotate Roles: Give different team members the role of facilitator or note-taker in each meeting to encourage active participation. 10. Follow-Up: If someone doesn't speak up but you think they have valuable insights, follow up privately. They may be more comfortable sharing one-on-one. Remember, the goal is not to pressure people into speaking but to make it easier for them to do so if they wish. #leadership #teambuilding #communication

They won’t speak to each other. And the tension is bleeding into the whole team. 👥 This is the first post in a new series from Rachel Platt (PLATTinum Consulting) and me, Stephanie Eidelman We’re teaming up to tackle the tough stuff: the real conflicts, missteps, and messy team dynamics no one prepares you for. 🔴One brings the business-owner reality (Stephanie). 🟡One of us brings the People & HR expertise (Rachel). Both of us believe great leadership starts with honest conversation. ______________________ Two top performers. Two different views of what’s “right.” Zero willingness to engage. And frankly, both have a point. But the silent feud is tanking the team. No one wants to take sides. No one wants to address it. But not dealing with it is the bigger risk. We’ve both seen this situation more than we’d like. After decades of experience, Here’s how we’ve learned to handle it: As the leader, you do the thing no one wants to do. You call them in. Together. You set the ground rules. They air their grievances. You all finally name the real issues. It can be excruciating. It is vulnerable. And it’s likely the most clarifying hour of the year. Not because you solve everything. But because people start sharing their truth. Here’s how each of us would make this conversation productive: 1) Set expectations 🔴 “It's not about who’s right. It’s about moving forward.” 🟡 "We all know there’s a problem. It's our job to resolve it. Right now." 2) Establish Ground Rules   🔴 “No interruptions. We’re here to listen, not attack.” 🟡 “Repeat what you heard. Clear words avoid mixed messages.” 3) Limit assumptions 🔴 “Say what happened, not what you think they meant.” 🟡 “Conflict grows from half-truths. Say ‘I saw’ or ‘I felt.'" 4) Name what’s not being said 🔴 “Is this really about the task, or something else?” 🟡 “Unclear communication? Role confusion? Workload?” 5) Shift from venting to action 🔴 “The goal here is progress, not perfect agreement.” 🟡 Use ‘Stop, Start, Continue’ to respectfully share changes each would like to see. 6) End with shared goals 🔴 “You don’t have to be close, but you do have to work together. Let's summarize next steps.” 🟡 “Schedule time to regroup. Celebrate or recalibrate at that meeting.” Final thought from Stephanie: 🔴 Avoiding conflict doesn’t protect your team. It sends a message: This behavior is fine. Final thought from Rachel: 🟡 Conflict is data. Don’t just solve it. Study it. What does it say about your communication style, team culture, and structure? Have you faced a conflict like this? What worked? What didn’t? _____________________ ♻ Repost to share this with someone facing the tough conversations. 👉 Follow us for more two-for-one leadership advice: Stephanie Eidelman (Meisel) and Rachel Platt.

Collaborative doesn’t mean chaotic. In Radical Candor, I talk about the GSD Wheel - a cycle that helps teams listen, clarify, debate, decide, persuade, and execute together. But none of that works without one crucial element: ground rules. One of the most powerful things a leader can do is set clear expectations for how decisions get made and how disagreement gets handled along the way. I’ve worked with teams where every decision felt like a battle. I’ve also worked with teams where decision-making felt energizing and inclusive. The difference? Clarity. A few ground rules I’ve seen work well: — We make space for dissent before we decide. — We separate debate from execution. — We don’t let urgency override inclusivity. They may sound simple, but these expectations can transform how your team collaborates under pressure. What’s one ground rule that’s helped your team make better decisions? :) --- Follow Kim Scott and Radical Candor® for more tips on leadership, collaboration, and building a culture where everyone can thrive.

Here are 10 principles on conflict resolution that I have picked up on as an Ombuds for the past 3 years. Sharing them today on National Ombuds Day. Many I’ve also learned from practicing law for over 30 years and as a leader in law firms, corporations, and in the Navy. 1️⃣ Address conflict early. Problems rarely get better with time. Conflict is not like fine wine. It doesn’t age well. It festers over time. 2️⃣ Handle tough issues in person with face-to-face conversations or by the phone, not by email or IM. Unless you’re saying “I’m really sorry,” or “I’ll give you a call,” avoid email for conflict resolution. 3️⃣ Assume the other party’s intentions are positive. Start by giving others the benefit of the doubt. Don’t assume everyone is purposely and intentionally against you. 4️⃣ Focus forward. Acknowledge the past and learn from it, but look to the future and let bygones be bygones. You’ll sleep better. 5️⃣ Listen first. Let the other person speak without interruption. 6️⃣ Stick to facts and data. Avoid rumors, innuendo, assumptions, and scuttlebutt. 7️⃣ Separate emotion from the issue. Address the problem, don’t criticize the person. And bring solutions. 8️⃣ Agree on ground rules and next steps. Find common ground and build on areas of consensus and agreement. 9️⃣ Be patient. Some conflicts take time to resolve, perhaps weeks or even months. Don’t give up. 🔟 Bring in a neutral when needed. An Ombuds or mediator can confidentially help when you’re stuck. Unresolved conflict drains workplace performance and morale. It can destroy families. Early, in-person resolution builds trust, restores relationships, and accelerates performance. It also makes the workplace and home a much better place for everyone.

No conflict in your meetings means… You have a big problem. The reality is, if your important decisions happen in parking lot conversations after meetings end, it’s a sign of a lack of health. Humans don’t behave rationally in meetings, they behave socially. So if your leadership team saves their truth for the hallway: They’re not afraid of being wrong. They’re afraid of being exiled for disagreeing. And you're solving the wrong problem. ❌ You don’t need a better agenda. ❌ You don’t need another meeting cadence. ❌ You don’t need a new COO. ✅ You need people to feel safe. ✅ You need honest confrontation. ✅ You need to model disagreement in public. Alignment isn’t agreement. And silence isn’t consent. So when you plan your next leadership meeting, here are 3 things to consider: 1️⃣ Set ground rules that encourage respectful disagreement 2️⃣ Call out silence and ask for real opinions 3️⃣ Address the elephant in the room before it walks to the parking lot Here's an example: Instead of asking "Does everyone agree?" try this: → "What concerns do you have about this approach?" → "What would make this fail?" → "Who has a different perspective?" Fix your meeting culture, and you’ll fix 80% of your execution problems. This method transforms your leadership meetings from performative theater into genuine problem-solving sessions. – Hi, I'm Jason Blumer. I help founders transform their businesses by first transforming themselves. Like this post? Hit 👍 Love it? Leave a comment ✍️ Think others should read it? Repost ♻️