Dismissing Constructive Criticism

Handling criticism well is a skill. And like most skills, almost nobody is born with it. I certainly wasn't great at it at the start of my career. When you're building something from scratch, criticism comes from every direction: ❌ Investors who don't believe in the vision.  ❌ Customers who tell you the product isn't good enough.  ❌ Team members who push back on how you're leading.  ❌ Sometimes the market just tells you plainly that you've got it wrong. For a long time, my instinct was to defend first and listen second. It took years of building businesses across multiple countries to realise that how you receive feedback is just as important as how you perform. Maybe more so. That's because criticism, handled badly, becomes a drain on your energy, relationships and judgment. Handled well, it becomes one of the sharpest tools you have. Here are 9 ways to get better at it: 1️⃣ Pause before you respond ↳ Even a few seconds between hearing criticism and reacting to it changes the quality of your response entirely.  ↳ Reactive replies rarely serve you. 2️⃣ Separate what's being said from how it's being said ↳ Someone can deliver feedback poorly and still be completely right.  ↳ Train yourself to look past the delivery and focus on whether the content has merit. 3️⃣ Ask yourself honestly if there's something in it ↳ Self-reflection is what turns criticism from an attack into useful information.  ↳ The question isn't "how dare they" but "are they onto something?" 4️⃣ Acknowledge it before you evaluate it ↳ Saying thank you doesn't mean you agree.  ↳ It means you're secure enough to receive input without needing to immediately defend yourself. 5️⃣ Sit with it before you decide what to do with it ↳ The feedback that lands hardest is often worth the most attention.  ↳ Give it space before you dismiss it. 6️⃣ Keep your work and your identity separate ↳ Your output being criticised is not the same as you being criticised.  ↳ One can always be improved. The other is not up for debate. 7️⃣ Get curious instead of defensive ↳ Asking "what would better look like to you?" transforms a critique into a genuine conversation.  ↳ It also tells the other person you're actually listening. 8️⃣ Be selective about what you act on ↳ Not every piece of feedback deserves a response or a change.  ↳ Knowing the difference between useful input and noise is a skill worth developing. 9️⃣ Let it push you forward, not pull you back ↳ The most powerful thing you can do with criticism is go away and do the work. ↳ A better result next time says more than any defence ever could. Most leaders know how to give feedback. Far fewer know how to receive it without it rattling their confidence or clouding their thinking. That's the bit worth working on. Do you find it hard to take criticism? If so, how come? ♻️ Repost to help someone in your network lead a bit better. 🔔 Follow Gareth Lloyd for more.

If you've survived academic peer review, you've had strangers — anonymous strangers — tell you that your life's work has fundamental problems. In writing. And then you have to write back, politely, explaining either why they're wrong or how you've fixed it. And then the editor decides if you did a good enough job. And sometimes the answer is no, and you start over. This sounds miserable. It kind of is. But after 14 years and 50+ publications, here's what it actually taught me: Separate the signal from the sting. The feedback that hurts the most is usually the feedback that's closest to the thing you were already worried about. That's not a reason to dismiss it. That's a reason to sit with it. Not all feedback is equal, and that's fine. Some reviewers genuinely found a flaw. Some misunderstood the project. Some are having a bad day. Learning to tell the difference — and respond appropriately to each — is its own skill. You don't have to agree with all of it to take all of it seriously. Revision is the actual work. The first draft is a hypothesis. The version that survives peer review is the product. I stopped being precious about first drafts somewhere around year three. Now I expect the first version to get taken apart. That's the process, not a failure of the process. Defensiveness is expensive. Every minute you spend arguing that the reviewer is wrong is a minute you're not spending making the paper better. Sometimes they are wrong. But even then, if they misunderstood, that's data — it means someone else will too. Fix the communication, not the reviewer. The industry version of this is code reviews, stakeholder feedback, a VP who says "I don't get it" about the analysis you spent two weeks on. The content is different. The skill is the same: take the hit, find the signal, make the work better, move on. Grad school doesn't put "handles criticism without spiraling" on your CV. But it probably should.

When was the last time you got unsolicited feedback? For many leaders, it’s rare. Most operate in a feedback vacuum. Few companies run 360s and many are too busy “leading,” assume silence is approval, or subtly discourage the candor they say they want. So when candid feedback does come–from a peer or team member–it can feel like a gut punch. Even if it’s constructive, our defenses rise. The urge to explain, defend or dismiss is strong. But in that moment lies a critical leadership choice: see it as an attack, or see it as data. As an executive coach, I help leaders reframe these moments. The feedback might be biased or ill-informed, or it might expose a blind spot you didn’t know you had. Your job isn’t to accept it as truth, but to decode it. Here’s a simple framework to process rattling feedback productively: 𝗣𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴. A simple “Thank you for sharing that. I appreciate your candor,” buys you time, keeps the dialogue open, and allows you to process your reaction. 𝗗𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗰𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗮. Ask yourself:  -- “What does this reveal about how I’m perceived, even if it’s not my intention?” -- “What context, pressures, or motivations might be shaping their view?” 𝗩𝗮𝗹𝗶𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗮. Seek more data. Listen for patterns. If you hear it once, it’s opinion. If you hear it from others, it’s likely pointing to a blind spot worth your attention. 𝗖𝗵𝗼𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝗱. If it’s a pattern, use it as a driver for change and growth. If it’s an outlier, acknowledge and move on. You can choose to hear the perception without adopting it as your reality. The best leaders aren’t perfect. They're curious, and have the courage to close the gap between their intent and their impact. What’s one piece of difficult feedback that turned out to be valuable for you?

Let’s get honest: feedback can feel like a gut punch. The moment someone critiques your work, your ego goes on high alert, ready to defend every decision and explain why they’re wrong. It’s human nature—but it’s also your biggest barrier to growth. Here’s the hard truth: Growth doesn’t happen when you protect yourself from feedback. It happens when you lean into it, even when it’s uncomfortable. But let’s be real: not all feedback is useful. Some of it is gold—actionable insights you can use to improve. Some of it is noise—opinions that don’t apply and should be let go. The skill isn’t in receiving feedback. It’s in learning to separate what helps from what doesn’t. Next time someone critiques you, stop and ask yourself: 👉 What in this feedback can help me grow? 👉 What isn’t useful and can I let go of? The Mindset Shift That Changed Everything For years, I resisted feedback. My ego saw it as a threat, not a tool. I’d argue, justify, or dismiss it—until I realized this mindset was holding me back. Inspired by Michael Singer, I reframed feedback entirely. Here’s the game-changer: Your ego is just a character you’re playing. The real you is the witness—the one observing, learning, and refining. When you separate your identity from the critique, feedback stops feeling personal. It’s not about you—it’s about improving the task, the role, or the process. The Result? ✅ You stop reacting emotionally and start responding with intention. ✅ You turn feedback into a growth tool, not a weapon. ✅ You move forward faster, armed with insights instead of weighed down by defensiveness. It’s not easy. Your ego will still flare up—that’s natural. But the more you practice stepping into the role of the witness, the better you’ll become at turning feedback into your most powerful tool for growth. What’s your relationship with feedback?

While I love receiving emails from clients that gush about how great our team and services are, I'm learning to love the rare/few emails that highlight issues even more. Why? Because those 'tough feedback' emails are where the magic happens. They give us the opportunity to refine, improve, and make our service even better for every client we work with. No business is perfect, but the best businesses treat complaints and critiques as a goldmine for growth. Here's how we turn constructive criticism into our competitive edge: 𝟭. We listen carefully. Every piece of feedback—good or bad—gets the full attention it deserves. 𝟮. We act quickly. It's not enough to acknowledge feedback; we dive in to address the issue and find a solution. 𝟯. We improve permanently. Each piece of constructive criticism is an opportunity to fine-tune our processes and ensure the same issue doesn’t arise again. The result? Happier clients, a stronger team, and a business that evolves and grows with every challenge we face.

I suck at handling feedback. I keep reminding myself, “This isn’t personal.” But creative work is always, at least a little bit, personal. That’s why Julia Cameron’s 9 steps for dealing with criticism really hit hard. And I thought they might help you too, so I put together this cheat sheet: 1/ Get it over with: Receive the criticism all the way through. 2/ Notice what hurts: Highlight the phrases that bother you. 3/ Keep what’s useful. Mark anything that actually helps. 4/ Nurture yourself: Read an old positive review or recall a compliment. 5/ See the big picture: Even if this piece of work sucks, it’s probably a necessary stepping-stone to your next project. 6/ Dig into the pain: Does the feedback remind you of past criticism? It might be poking at an old childhood wound. 7/ Write a letter to the critic: Defend your work, but also acknowledge what was helpful. No need to send it. 8/ Commit to creating something new: Creativity is the only cure for criticism. 9/ Get back on the horse: Time to move on. Start your next project. I’ve been reading The Artist’s Way for a few weeks now, and it’s had a huge impact on my life and creative work. I highly recommend it :)

You know *logically* that constructive feedback is supposed to be helpful and support your growth and YET - you can't help but take it so damn personally? ARGHHH... I feel this one to the CORE. As a recovering perfectionist, every piece of 'feedback' that wasn't 'glowing' Used to feel like a dagger. I'd use it as a reason to beat myself up. I'd use it as evidence that I was a failure. I'd interpret it that I was crap at just about everything. If you are currently taking feedback as a personal attack, You need to learn how to hear it *without* spiralling. Here's the steps I took to relieve the pressure ⤵️ 1️⃣ I Detached My Identity from the Feedback. Criticism isn’t about you as a person—it’s about the work. Stop making it mean more than it does. 2️⃣ I decided *who* I would Listen To. Not all feedback is worth your energy. Would you trade places with the person giving it? If not, don’t let it in. 3️⃣ I saw Feedback as Growth. The most successful leaders seek out constructive criticism because they know it’s their fastest path to improvement. 4️⃣ I Reframed It as a Power Move. The best leaders don’t crumble under feedback—they use it as fuel. Turn critiques into opportunities and invitations to uplevel. 5️⃣ I had to learn to drop the Perfection. If you never get feedback, you’re either not pushing yourself hard enough or you’re surrounded by the wrong people. Growth requires friction. 6️⃣ I got to Control the Narrative. Is the feedback too vague or unhelpful? Ask for specifics. Get clarity. Make it work for you. ➡️ Remember: Truly Confident Women are not afraid to Take. Up. Space. (THANK GOODNESS) If you’re getting feedback, it means you’re in the game. The only people who never get criticised are the ones too afraid to show up 🤷♀️ So next time someone gives you constructive feedback? Take what you need. Leave the rest. And keep leading like you mean it. Let's hear the feedback you didn't agree with ⤵️ (Mine is ridiculous!)

You should eat #criticism for breakfast Ah, the sweet sound of silence after you’ve just dropped what you think is the next great #leadership gem in a meeting. But here’s the thing: if you’re a leader who sits back, basking in the glow of your brilliance, you’re not leading—you’re stuck in a self-congratulatory loop. Sure, it feels good, but it’s about as effective as singing in the shower & calling yourself Beyoncé. Too many so-called leaders treat their words like they should be etched in stone. They admire their speeches, memos, & even sticky notes like rare works of art. Here’s the uncomfortable truth: uncritically admiring everything you say or write is a surefire way to ensure you never grow, evolve, or become the leader you could be. Criticism often gets a bad rap, like kale or cross-fit—more bark than bite. But research tells a different story. According to CCL, #leaders who seek critical feedback are more effective, respected, trusted, & even likable. Yep, criticism can make you more popular—who knew? #AuthenticLeaders don’t see criticism as a threat but as a tool for growth. They take every critique—no matter how blunt or inconvenient—as a chance to adjust, adapt, & come back stronger. Think of criticism as a kind of leadership protein shake—tough to swallow at first but full of benefits. Authentic leaders don’t just accept criticism; they hunt for it. They dig into feedback, ask questions, & find truth even in harsh words. This isn’t masochism; it’s seeing criticism as a gift. A Gallup study shows that teams that get constructive feedback have 12.5% greater productivity. A little sting now can lead to significant gains later. So why should you, the #leader who hasn’t yet embraced the cold shower of criticism, start to crave it? It keeps you grounded. Facing genuine, thoughtful criticism keeps you anchored, not drifting into self-delusion. You avoid becoming the leadership version of that person who sings off-key on TV because no one told them they’re terrible. Criticism sharpens your skills. It’s the whetstone for your abilities. If the people around you offer critiques, they care about your growth. If not, maybe it’s time to find new critics! Authentic leaders value dissenting voices because they make them more effective. Make criticism a regular part of your diet. Don’t treat feedback like a dreaded dental appointment. Actively seek out what you could do better. Ask your team, peers, & even family (brace yourself) for honest input. Listen without interrupting, justifying, or explaining—take it in. The goal isn’t to defend yourself but to learn. Keep a sense of humor. Criticism can sting, but it’s not a death sentence—it’s an opportunity. Treat it lightly, laugh about it, but take it seriously. It’s not about proving you’re perfect; it’s about proving you’re willing to grow. So go ahead, ask for feedback, welcome critiques, & remember: the best leaders aren’t the ones who know it all; they’re the ones who know they don’t.

They called it feedback. It felt like a takedown. Ever left a “constructive criticism” meeting feeling: • Smaller • Confused • Ashamed That wasn’t mentorship. That was manipulation in disguise. Here are 5 toxic “feedback” phrases and how to shut them down: 1) “Everyone believes this about you…” → Fake consensus. Real manipulation. → Ask: “Can you name one person and what exactly they said?” 2) “You’re not a culture fit.” → Translation: You don’t conform. → Ask: “Which specific values or behaviors are we misaligned on?” 3) “If you were really committed, you’d…” → Guilt-tripping ≠ leadership. → Say: “Let’s stay focused on outcomes, not pressure.” 4) “Don’t take this personally, but…” → Always personal. Always a setup. → Ask: “What’s the specific behavior you’re referring to?” 5) “You’re doing fine… for someone at your level.” → Compliment with a ceiling. → Ask: “What does great performance actually look like here?” Here’s the truth: You get to decide what grows you. And what doesn’t. What’s the most toxic “feedback” line you’ve heard?