Self-evaluation

Everyone has the power to say, 'this I am today. That shall I be tomorrow.' " Louis L'Amour

Dear Younger Me,

It is performance evaluation time again at work. The self-evaluation portion is excruciating. From SMART goals to SWOT analysis, it is difficult terrain- this adulting. The funeral business has proved interesting and rewarding. I've come to beleive "emotional paychecks" are as important, or perhaps more so, than the regular kind. Do you remember making $1.00 an hour for babysitting the hellion preacher's kids who lived across the street? Omg- you would have given anything for an emotional paycheck back then!

Anyway, we rate ourselves in competencies such as Integrity, Teamwork and Goal Setting. It isn't rocket science, but it is straight up difficult to introspect about myself. I know you get me. (for obvious reasons- lol)

I've always wondered what someone would be thinking to rate themselves as "needs improvement" in Integrity? Red flag much? Hey, on the subject of red flags... Do you remember when you went to Europe as a 16 year old to visit your friend, her mom, and her dad who worked for a magazine about women? What a memorable summer: the river cruise down the Rhine, the museums, and the pastries. Looking back, I honestly don't blame you for not telling Mom when you found out the magazine was Playboy. You may have prevented a heart attack, who knows? But nowadays, integrity and transparency is the foundation for everything. I do wish you had been aware of that as sharply as I am now. It would have resulted in some tough conversations, yes, but in the long run, it can prevent some even tougher conversations.

Teamwork is a tricky one. I realize as a former choir geek, you absolutely understood the soloist was the coveted role. What I know for sure, now, is: a well-oiled team is poetry in motion. Like choir, we all bring our part to the whole. I continue to shine brightly and link arms with other stars to form a constellation. Maximum shine, baby. That what I'm talking about.

And Goal Setting ? Between us, the Vogue magazine pictures you taped on your walls in high school were so Pinterest before that was even a thing. I'll admit, I've let my "vision board" atrophy. When did I start setting goals like Eat more protein and Clean out email box, instead of Live Life to the Fullest? (Blush) Don't get me wrong: goals are important. But they are just goals. I get to either check the box or breathe life into that thing. You always seemed to know that intuitively. Thanks for the reminder.

I think of you fondly, yet soberly. You have taught me to lead from the heart, use my mind, have childlike faith and evaluate myself kindly, but fairly. (I wish you could've taught me how to dance, but you can't give what you don't have, I guess.)

Let's keep in touch. Letter writing is old fashioned and long winded; I'll shoot you a text next time. Multiple heart emojis, little sis.

Older Me