Beneath the surface: Leading with ASD

Since man could think people have been fascinated with what happens behind a pair of human eyes, it has been the subject of discussion for scientists and artists alike. From fantastical imaginings of mind-reading to very real experiments involving marshmallows, we have theorised and mytholigised about the workings of the mind. The study of thoughts and feelings have been the key to improving performance in the workplace, healing the ill or setting the mind alight with inspiring imagery and words.

I shan't be doing any of the above.

What I will do is explain some of what happens behind my eyes, how it affects me and more importantly how I use it to be as effective as possible. This is a slightly more personal piece than those I have composed previously, and I would like to talk about something that affects me personally and which is an issue I feel strongly about.

In January 2014 I was formally diagnosed as having an ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder), which would previously have been diagnosed as Asperger Syndrome and I shall use the terms ASD, Asperger and Autism interchangeably in this article for the sake of ease. The following thoughts and comments are based on information I was given in my diagnosis, sessions which followed and my own research and experiences.

As my role has changed over the years to incorporate leadership and management responsibilities, I have had to adjust to significant changes in my working life and so I feel that there is plenty for me to talk about on the topic and I am hopeful that what I am about to present may not only help to increase understanding, but also provide some assurance to others who may have been diagnosed with an ASD, or suspect that they may have one, that it is possible to thrive in the world even though it’s very noisy and at times complicated.

What does having ASD mean?

"People with AS are just like everyone else, only more so " - Brenda Boyd, Appreciating Asperger Syndrome

For me this is the best description for people with Asperger Syndrome. We do all the same things as everyone else, sometimes just a little more intensely or a little less or more often.

I am classed as ‘high functioning’ and so have not been affected by the learning disabilities and/or difficulties that can accompany autism. There are challenges, everyone has these, mine are just different. I have thoughts, feelings and emotions like everyone else. I can understand how others feel and I am able to sympathise and empathise. I just don’t always know when, or exactly how, to do so ‘properly’.

ASD affects how a person communicates and how they make sense of the world around them. It includes a spectrum of conditions, so while all autistic people share certain difficulties, their condition can affect each of them differently.

Things that come naturally to most people, such as small talk, conversational etiquette and picking up on subtle social cues don’t come naturally to autistic people. For me, the ability to launch into a conversation easily, to be chirpy and sociable or to talk for the sake of talking are achieved through a sheer act of will, unless I am feeling particularly comfortable with the the parties and/or the situation. I often find myself wondering, even marvelling at, how others do it. I must consciously scan people for cues and actively process every piece of available information to ensure I don’t misinterpret, misunderstand or miscommunicate.

My brain never stops.

For short periods of time I can be like everyone around me. This is my ‘social battery’ and while it lasts it allows me to function without raising suspicion, which adds to the challenge; I can appear ‘normal’ enough to create an expectation but am not ‘normal’ enough to always live up to it.

Anxiety, compulsion, addictive behaviours and depression can beset those living with ASD. These will affect the working day at times and are not to be trivialised or ignored, however I aim not to cover any of these in detail here.

I do feel that it’s important to note that I managed to get to the age of 34 before receiving my diagnosis and have lived a relatively 'normal' life. People have noticed certain quirky aspects of my character, but largely I have managed to pass as ‘eccentric’ or simply ‘strange’.

So, why seek diagnosis at all?

It can be difficult knowing that you aren’t like most of those around you. Not fitting in, seemingly not ‘getting it’ in social situations, inadvertently upsetting people and finding that you enjoy spending time on your own a lot more than other people seem to - all these things can lead anyone to begin to question themselves.

You will ask yourself if perhaps you are a bad person, or if maybe you’re mentally ill. You will wonder how other people can be so chatty, and how they find so much to say! For me, I realised that something wasn’t quite right, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it and so I decided to explore the possibility of Asperger syndrome and sought an assessment.

I spent 18 months after the assessment deeply regretting that decision.

For some, receiving a diagnosis answers so many questions and provides some sort of explanation as to why certain situations played out as they did. I imagine that receiving the diagnosis as a child would be very helpful, especially for parents. There’s not as much to look back on, and it provides information which can help in future situations. For me, the experience was not pleasant. I spent a lot of time after the diagnosis worrying. Would people treat me differently if they knew? Does this make me different in any way?

A tumultuous period of introspection followed during which I analysed every decision I had ever made, wondering which were made by me, and which were made by ‘the autism’. I wondered how many of my successes, or embarrassments, could be put down to my ‘condition’. In my mind there was me, and there was ‘it’.

This was a turbulent period of my life and I was forced to make a number of changes to my way of thinking.

In time I came to accept that autism is not something new, and that it had always been there. It’s not something extra to me; it is me. It’s not a disease. It has been responsible for so many good things in my life and has helped to fuel my creativity and aid many of my endeavours. Accepting this helped, and though I still struggle at times to assimilate this completely, things are much easier now.

Self-awareness is important and that means being aware of the less favourable and the good. I am writing to try and highlight the positive aspects of ASD and show how they benefit me in my working life, and also to explore the challenges.

What are the challenges?

People with high-functioning autism generally learn to cope. There are certain things that don’t change. For example, some sensory input can still be uncomfortable and though I’ve learned to tolerate some of this to a greater degree with age, it’s always there. As I’ve aged I have learned how to behave and how others behave. I’ve developed coping mechanisms and strategies and have learned to capitalise on the many positives of ASD.

I struggle most when dealing with large groups of people, or changes to routine. Conferences, last minute travel requirements, overnight stays…these are all stressful for me in ways that people possibly don’t think about.

Here are a few of my challenges…

I don’t always instinctively think of other people. At least it is not my 'default setting'. By making the success of others my sole focus and objective, I have developed the habit of placing the needs of others above my own, and this seemed like a good place to start. I like to help, I want to make things better and this attitude seems to have done me no harm so far! Objectively assessing the emotional states of others when people form part of a problem has been very useful when managing others, as it allows me to ensure that their needs are met.

I have difficulty reading people at times. At least in terms of social cues. However, I have found that I’m actually pretty good at building up accurate ‘profiles’ of people that I meet. I am compelled to understand, and so I observe more intently than perhaps others do. Because of this invested effort, I can often notice subtleties that others may miss in social situations. This usually steers me in a positive direction…

There are days when I just don’t want to deal with people. But things need to be done, right? And some these things involve other people. A degree of fortitude is required to override the feeling and get the job done. What’s important is building in sufficient time after the meeting/day to recoup, as it can be exhausting.

It’s difficult for me to be invested in things that don’t hold my interest. Engage me on a topic that interests me however, and I’ll never shut up! In the workplace this means that I will run with a project that captures my imagination and will sink every minute of every day into making it a success. You’d be right in thinking ‘Surely this is true for anyone?’ but I feel it's important to highlight that when I fixate on a topic of interest it becomes a relentless passion and I naturally pursue it with a ruthless determination.

I can appear unemotional at times. In truth I am just pragmatic. I can’t always be sure whether my emotional state is what would be considered ‘appropriate’ and so when I am emotional, I hide it. Other than this I try to remain objective and dissociate myself from the ‘emotion’ of a situation to focus on the solution. I stay quiet and people sometimes mistake this for dispassion when in fact I am listening, processing, planning, thinking…

Sensory information can be uncomfortable. Too much noise, certain smells or textures can all cause problems. Noisy meetings with multiple people talking can cause issues and I often have to ensure I focus on one thing at time to the exclusion of all else, rather than trying to listen to everything at once (which seems to be my brain’s default setting).

Stress impairs my social skills. Specifically social communication, social interaction and social imagination. Relaxed, I may seem as 'normal' as anyone else, add anxiety into the mix and things change. It's necessary to take regular breaks, and not just those of us with ASD! Stress affects us all and often people don’t take time out to collect and refocus. This understanding has made an enormous difference to my working practice and personal life.

I can be obsessed with detail and this makes me very effective in my role. Dotting I’s and crossing the T’s can be very important. As I have aged I have learned to be very ‘elastic’ with my definition of what a rule is. This helps. I also believe that a keen eye for detail, a good memory and a near obsessive desire to understand everything I see or read is responsible for my creativity.

If these challenges all sound familiar to you, then I suppose this reinforces the point that Autistic people “are just like everyone else, only more so” as I mentioned earlier. This isn’t an exhaustive list, these are just the issues that are more likely to be noticed by colleagues.

There can be many advantages associated with autism, and high-functioning autism is not a disability in my opinion - if anything it’s the opposite! My brain works in ways that often gives me insight others don’t seem to possess and my memory and eye for detail are pretty reliable. I love problem solving and being creative, and my ASD seems to be very supportive of these things!

Yes, the universe gives you nothing for nothing, but I work every day to make the most of what I do have.

So how can you lead others with an ASD?

As mentioned above, there are challenges, but these are not insurmountable. People with an ASD can be very effective and competent leaders. They are capable of visionary thinking and can be adept at articulating vision to others. They can display intense passion and dedication – and these are qualities that others look for in a leader.

I'm not a robot, I am emotionally intelligent, and I know my strengths and where I need to improve and adapt.

I work to avoid the stress triggers that cause me challenges and where I can’t I make sure that I have strategies and mechanisms to cope, or that I build in appropriate periods of rest to get the job done. I know that I must perform and that this occasionally requires a slightly different effort on my part.

In my earlier professional life, I was very narrowly focused. Other people didn't work the same way as I did, and my way was 'best' and therefore right. Or so I thought. One thing I am good at is learning and so when it was required, I started learning about people.

Engaging and inspiring people is possible when you understand the mechanisms by which these things work and are prepared to look at yourself objectively. You must be open to change (however much effort may be required to affect this!). I like rules, and people generally operate according to rules if you look at the picture with a wide enough view, and I was able to apply this principle to alter my approach.

I've grown a lot and now I understand how important it is to not only listen to people, but to genuinely care about them, what they are saying and thinking, and to strive for positive change allow them to be successful.

Grit is also important. Dogged determination has seen me through many demanding situations and a stubborn refusal to be defeated keeps me trudging on in the more interesting moments.

And now?

I’ve covered what ASD means to me and how I manage my working life, incorporating some of my challenges. I’d like to think that this has helped to highlight some of the challenges faced by autistic people in the workplace and in positions of leadership.

You may work alongside autistic people and if I have aided in providing an insight into some of the issues that they may face then this is a good thing.

For those that are on the same journey as me, and are similarly affected, I would hope that I have gone some way to providing a little encouragement. You have a role to play and the world that at times is confusing or seemingly full of adversity, should value your input – you CAN contribute, you CAN manage, and you CAN lead!

We do live in a world full of people that we can’t always fully understand, and that don’t always understand us...this just makes it all the more impressive when we succeed!

Will anybody start treating me differently after reading this? I hope not, but it seems unrealistic to expect this and so that’s largely out of my hands. I gave very long and careful consideration to posting this article, in fact it’s been under development for nearly three years on and off!

ASD is a challenge for those affected, and just as it shouldn’t be a badge, nor should it be a hiding place. People are all different. An opinion shouldn’t be ignored simply because it is expressed by somebody with ASD and neither should it be accepted solely for that reason. I have found that I’ve had to meet the world halfway, and this doesn’t feel wrong to me. It can be hard, less so now than it was, and it won't be the same for everyone with ASD. I remind myself daily that nobody said that any of this was ever supposed to be easy - what's important is how I get where I need to be!

We all have to work together. Understanding is key, patience and empathy on both sides is required and awareness is the foundation on which these two things can be developed. I've highlighted how I am affected and it could be that you have faced similar challenges or know somebody that seems to act in the ways I have described, and perhaps this article might give you food for thought.

If I have helped to in some way raise awareness, even a little, then whatever happens next is probably positive.

A general increase in understanding would do society a world of good, and I am pleased to see others sharing articles about, and discussing ASD on social media. Autism is becoming more and more prominent in the public imagination and so I thought it only fitting that I throw my hat in too and, as always, welcome any comments, observations, questions or challenges!