Tips for Solution-Focused Conversations

Passionate problem solvers are easy to label as "too negative" or "having an agenda". Here's a good approach to bringing people on the journey: 1. Start with what you see and hear Describe specific behaviors, patterns, or outcomes as objectively as possible (knowing that we can never be truly objective). Be mindful of your potential biases. Are your emotions and perspective narrowing what you bring up? Avoid using loaded or triggering language. Keep it neutral and clear. 2. Invite others to share what they see and hear By starting with your own observations, you are setting an example for the rest of the team. Invite the team to share their perspectives and observations in ways that focus on understanding, rather than labeling or jumping to conclusions. In the right context, it might be better to start here. 3. Look inwards, observe, and listen Just as you describe outward behaviors, turn inward and notice how you feel about what you’re seeing and hearing. Instead of saying, “This place is a pressure cooker,” try, “I feel a lot of pressure.” Avoid jumping to conclusions or ascribing blame. Again, invite other people to do the same. 4. Spot areas to explore With observations and emotions on the table, identify areas worth examining. Avoid rushing to label them as problems or opportunities. Instead, frame them as questions or areas to look into. This keeps the tone open and focused on discovery. 5. Explore and go deeper As potential areas emerge, repeat the earlier steps: describe what you see, invite others to share, and observe how you feel. It is a recursive/iterative process—moving up and down levels of detail. 6. Look for alignment and patterns Notice where people are starting to align on what they’d like to see more—or less—of. Pay attention to areas where there’s consistent divergence—these are opportunities as well. Ask, “What might it take to narrow the divide?” 7. Frame clear opportunities Once patterns emerge, focus on turning them into clear opportunities. These are not solutions—they’re starting points for exploration. For example: “We could improve this handoff process” or “We’re not all on the same page about priorities.” Keep it actionable and forward-looking. 8. Brainstorm small experiments Use opportunities as a springboard to brainstorm simple, manageable experiments. Think of these as ways to test and learn, not perfect fixes. For example: “What if we tried a weekly check-in for this process?” Keep the ideas practical and easy to implement. 9. Stay grounded and flexible Be mindful of how the group is feeling and responding as you brainstorm. Are people rushing to solutions or becoming stuck? If so, take a step back and revisit earlier steps to re-center the group. 10. Step back. Let the group own it Once there’s momentum, step back and hand over ownership to the group. Avoid holding onto the issue as “your problem.” Trust the process you’ve built and the team’s ability to move things forward collectively.

When people come to us with a problem, it is tempting to provide an instant answer. After all they came for our expertise and there is nothing so rewarding as getting a dopamine hit in our brain when we know the answer. Ahhh. Such fun.   However, the path to accountability is filled with asking good questions and creating space for others to think and solve rather than us providing answers.   Often just by asking the questions below, an individual will have a breakthrough and discover a solution on their own.   FOCUS QUESTIONS ON THEIR INSIGHT These questions can be applied to executive meetings, coaching employees, and solving our own problems.   1.    What is the problem you are trying to solve? It is so tempting to skip this step, but it is essential if you want to create ownership. I find I have to help people step back from their need for a quick answer and help them understand the context of their problem. When you help them frame the problem, the problem is often half solved.   2.    What are the main obstacles to solving the problem? Gaining context to where and how the problem exists provides guidelines for what the eventual solution will be. Without this clarity, they can create an overly simplistic or complex answer.   3.    What have you already tried? Avoid the temptation to jump in and give advice. They don’t need it. Most people have already done a lot of thinking and attempts before asking for input.   4.    What happens if you don't solve this problem? This question helps create a deeper sense of urgency and ownership. It also reveals key issues that the final solutions will have to solve for.   5.    How would you know you succeeded? The answer gives the parameters and evidence needed to know a solution would be a success. Without this answer, their solution is unlikely to meet all the needs.   6.    What do you think you need to succeed? The focus is on the individual’s ability to think and act. They are creating answers for the future. They are becoming better problem solvers and being more accountable.   MAKE SPACE As I ask these questions, I work hard to not fill in the silence with my insights. I do have ideas on what they should do. But I will never make them more accountable if I keep sharing my expertise. Each of us can create a more accountable workplace by the space we create to help others think. How do you create more accountability? embrace your #pitofsuccess Dave Ulrich Neil Hunter Tracy Maylett, Ed.D. Tyson Lutz Destanee Casillas, MSOD Gwendolyn F. Turner Lisa Strogal, MBA, MCC, RYT Vanessa Homewood Tia Newcomer Clint Betts Chris Deaver Gina London Joy Moore Kendall Lyman

Performance conversations are more than evaluations—they're opportunities to inspire reflection, growth, and clarity. I've been reflecting on how we can approach these moments with greater purpose.   Too often, we dive into discussions focused solely on outcomes or metrics. But what if we paused to look deeper? What if we encouraged employees—and ourselves—to approach these moments from different vantage points: stepping back to observe like a fly on the wall, zooming out to the balcony for perspective, and then engaging with purpose on the dance floor?   This layered approach challenges us to ask meaningful questions: "What patterns am I noticing? How do my efforts align with broader goals? What could I do better?" It’s a mindset shift that transforms performance conversations into opportunities for growth, even when outcomes aren’t ideal. Here are a few practical ways to bring this perspective to life: 1. Start with Observation (Fly on the Wall): Before diving into feedback, encourage employees to reflect on their contributions objectively. Ask questions like " What moments felt like your strongest? What would you approach differently? help set a tone of self-awareness." 2. Zoom Out to the Bigger Picture (Balcony): Help employees see how their work connects to broader team and organizational goals. This shift in perspective ensures the conversation isn’t just about isolated outcomes but about long-term impact and alignment. 3. Engage with Purpose (Dance Floor): End every conversation with actionable steps and encouragement. Even when feedback is tough, leave employees with clarity and optimism. A simple affirmation like "I believe in your ability to grow from this", can turn a challenging moment into a catalyst for improvement. Performance conversations are a dance between reflection and action, but they’re also about perspective—knowing when to step back, when to zoom out, and when to engage fully. When we guide our teams to critique their own contributions—not to judge, but to grow—we unlock their potential and leave them inspired to improve. Would love to hear your perspective.

Last week, we were hired by a large U.S. management consulting company to coach their directors who were transitioning into partner roles. These super-bright participants had excelled at top business schools and used their sharp analytical skills to solve complex client problems. However, as they moved into management, their analytical prowess became less effective and, in some cases, even obstructive in building strong relationships. Here’s what we discovered: these directors were using listening and interactions primarily as a means to problem-solve. They listened intending to identify, define, and analyse the client’s issues, then quickly offered solutions. While this approach served them well in consulting, it often hindered their ability to build the deep, relational connections necessary for business. Top 3 Takeaways with Action Steps: 1. Listen Beyond Problem-Solving: Please focus on emotions and values. When someone comes to you with a problem, go beyond summarizing details. Pay attention to the emotions, values, and strengths they express. This helps in building a more genuine connection. 2. Shift Your Approach: Recognize relationship needs. Understand that effective management requires more than problem-solving. It involves developing relationships, understanding others’ perspectives, and addressing their emotional and personal needs. 3. Practice Deep Listening: Practice naming the emotions and values you hear during conversations. This simple shift can transform your interactions from transactional to relational, fostering stronger connections with your team and clients. Warmth and connection are crucial as you grow into leadership. Are you ready to move beyond problem-solving and build meaningful relationships? #Leadership #Empathy #ActiveListening #Management #ExecutivePresence #Training

40-60% of deals end with no decision. Want to change that? Here’s why this happens—and how you can fix it. Most deals stall because buyers feel overwhelmed. They’re anxious about: → Making mistakes → Budget constraints → Implementation complexity But here’s what many salespeople miss: Buyers don’t wake up thinking, “I need this product.” They feel symptoms first: → Frustration from missed goals → Stress over inefficiencies → Pressure from their team If you don’t speak their language, they won’t listen. Here’s how to break through: ✅ Start with their symptoms Talk about their daily struggles and emotional pain points. Show them you understand their reality. ✅ Use open-ended questions Ask things like: “What’s your biggest challenge right now?” or “How does that problem impact your team’s performance?” ✅ Summarizing builds trust Reflect back what you’ve heard. For example: “So what I’m hearing is that you’re spending too much time on manual tasks, and that’s causing delays for your team?” ✅ Co-develop value Instead of pitch mode, invite buyers to explore solutions with you. Ask: “If we could solve this, what would success look like?” ✅ Shift from features to impact Focus on how your solution makes their life better. For example: “Here’s how we’ve helped teams cut manual work by 50%—free up time for strategy and growth.” ✅ Show proof Use case studies, testimonials, and data to build credibility. People trust results, not words. ✅ Offer low-risk steps Demo your solution or give them something they can experience firsthand. Let them see how it works for their unique situation. By address buyer anxieties early and speaking to symptoms, you’ll move deals forward—with confidence. What’s your go-to strategy for help buyers feel understood? Share your thoughts below. #SalesTips #EmpathyDrivenSelling #BuyerAnxieties #SalesPipeline

What to do when your team is making a stupid decision. This thought, by itself, is a signal for you to slow down and seek better understanding. Thinking that people around you are stupid is a terrible way to enter into a discussion. First, you need to pause your own reaction. Ask open questions, restate what you hear, and test the assumptions beneath the current plan. This approach shows respect for other's thinking, surfaces gaps that might not be obvious, and softens any perception that you are challenging for the sake of challenging. As you listen, collect the facts, metrics, or customer feedback that best illustrate why a change might help everyone reach the shared goal faster. Once you have a clear grasp of both sides, turn your insight into a concise proposal that shows you have understood the situation fully. Anchor your message to outcomes the team already values (time to market, quality, customer delight, cost). Use evidence, small experiments, or quick prototypes to show how the alternative path removes risk or adds benefit. Invite teammates to create the solution so that the "new idea" is a collective win rather than a personal mission. Keep your tone calm and collaborative throughout the process. Choose settings that encourage thoughtful dialogue, such as one‑on‑one conversations or a short working session with the most relevant partners. Use “I” statements to own your personal perspective, and ask for reactions to keep the discussion balanced. If emotion rises, pause, summarize common ground, and suggest a brief break before returning to decisions. Finally, watch your own stress signals. Use preparation, breathing, or a short walk to stay steady. Remind yourself that disagreement is normal in creative work and that long‑term relationships matter more than winning a single debate. When the team adopts an improved approach, share credit freely; if they decide to stay on the original path, document your input, express confidence in the group, and stay engaged. Your composure and constructive focus will strengthen trust and increase the chances that your next suggestion lands even more smoothly.

Stop dreading tough talks. Master them with these 21 phrases instead: I once snapped when a colleague questioned my timeline. My defensive reaction created a week of tension. That day I realized emotional responses solve nothing. They only create new problems. We've all been there: Feeling defensive Reacting without thinking Watching a simple disagreement turn into a lasting conflict But I've learned the shift from reactive to constructive changes everything ✨ 21 ways smart people handle difficult conversations: 1) Lead with Curiosity ↳ "Tell me more about your perspective on this" ↳ Questions defuse tension faster than statements 2) Name the Energy ↳ "I notice there's tension here, let's address it" ↳ Acknowledgment creates safety 3) Find Common Ground ↳ "We both want what's best for the project" ↳ Alignment before action 4) Set Clear Expectations ↳ "Here's what I need, what do you need?" ↳ Clarity prevents future conflict 5) Pause the Escalation ↳ "Let's take a step back and break this down" ↳ Breathing room creates solutions 6) Mirror Their Language ↳ Use their exact key words when responding ↳ Matching builds instant connection 7) Acknowledge Impact ↳ "I see how this affects your priorities" ↳ Understanding beats defense 8) Own Your Part ↳ "Here's where I could have done better" ↳ Accountability creates trust 9) Focus Forward ↳ "How can we prevent this next time?" ↳ Solutions beat blame 10) Check Understanding ↳ "Here's what I'm hearing - am I getting it right?" ↳ Clarity prevents escalation 11) Create Space ↳ "Let's revisit this when we're both fresh" ↳ Time transforms tension 12) Stay on Topic ↳ "Let's focus on solving this specific issue" ↳ Boundaries keep talks productive 13) Express Confidence ↳ "I know we can figure this out together" ↳ Belief shifts energy 14) Share Context ↳ "Here's what led to my decision" ↳ Understanding reduces resistance 15) Invite Solutions ↳ "What ideas do you have for this?" ↳ Collaboration beats control 16) Set Timelines ↳ "When should we check in on this?" ↳ Structure creates safety 17) Validate Concerns ↳ "That's a legitimate worry - let's address it" ↳ Recognition reduces defense 18) Stay Factual ↳ "Here's what the data shows us" ↳ Evidence beats emotion 19) Close with Action ↳ "Let's clarify next steps together" ↳ Progress prevents repeat issues 20) Follow Through ↳ "As we discussed, here's what I've done" ↳ Action builds credibility 21) Document Growth ↳ "Here's how we'll work differently now" ↳ Learning beats repeating Difficult conversations aren't obstacles to success. They're the moments where true connection happens ✨ Which strategy will you try in your next challenging conversation? -- ♻️ Repost to help your network transform difficult conversations into opportunities 🔔 Follow Dr. Carolyn Frost for more practical tools to succeed with confidence

Your idea isn’t the problem. How you communicate it is. Early in my career, I’d make recommendations to my boss... and get met with either no decision, or endless back-and-forth. The problem wasn’t my ideas — it was my delivery. Over time, I figured out what separates recommendations that stall, from ones met with a quick decision. I've turned it into a simple framework, and I now ask every leader on my team to use it when presenting ideas to me. I want to share it with you. 🌀 SPIRAL 🌀 ▪️ Situation → You need to provide context. Your boss may not be as close to the details as you. Keep it clear. Keep it concise. ▪️ Problem → First, make sure you have a real problem. It's your job to decipher between "volume vs volume". Meaning is this problem you're solving for happening often, indicating you have a systemic issue? Or do you just a squeaky wheel? Provide at least two, real examples! ▪️ Impact → Be data-backed. How does this problem impact outcomes you care about? Avoid subjective terms like "often, big". Be specific. ▪️ Recommendation → This is where you demonstrate your ability to be solution oriented. Also, all change recommendations have pros and cons. List those out, so your boss doesn't feel like their walking into a trap. Where possible, include ways to mitigate the risks. ▪️ Ask → Be explicit. What needs to change, how, and when? ▪️ Last Line, First → Never burry the headline! In one succinct sentence, what are you recommending? Make this the first line in your slack, or the first words out of your mouth in your meeting. Save this. Use this. And I promise... You'll stand out from your peers. Your recommendations will be met with quicker decisions.

Over the past 5 years I learned how to make confrontation a conversation. For years, I avoided confrontation. It was uncomfortable, and I wanted to be liked. I was very immature in my thinking. So, I’d ignore the tough topics, let things slide, and convince myself that keeping the peace was worth more than speaking up. But here’s the truth: that mindset held me back, both personally and professionally. When I stopped avoiding confrontation, I started seeing massive growth. Here’s why addressing confrontation is smart and GOOD for business: 🟢 Prevents Miscommunication: Avoiding confrontation can cause misunderstandings to fester. When you address things head-on, you clear the air and ensure everyone’s on the same page. 🟢 Fosters Trust: People appreciate honesty. Even if the conversation is difficult, addressing issues with integrity shows you respect both yourself and your colleagues. 🟢 Drives Progress: Problems don’t disappear when we ignore them. In fact, they often get bigger. By addressing them directly, we create opportunities for real solutions and growth. Now, let’s talk about how to do this tactfully. Cause the HOW is huge when it comes to this. When I talk about confrontation, I don’t mean a heated debate so you have to be thoughtful in your approach. Here are 5 ways to turn confrontation into a productive conversation in the workplace: 1️⃣ Start with Empathy: Understand the other person’s point of view first. Approach the conversation with curiosity, not blame. 2️⃣ Focus on the Issue, Not the Person: Address behaviors or outcomes, not character flaws. Keep it solution-focused. 3️⃣ Use "I" Statements: Own your feelings. For example, “I feel frustrated when…” vs. “You always…” 4️⃣ Stay Calm & Collected: Keep your emotions in check. If needed, take a breather before speaking. 5️⃣ Offer Solutions: Confrontation without a path forward is just complaining. Be ready to suggest ways to move forward. Other things to consider are the when, where and with whom. Try to time the conversation well and determine the best medium. Maybe Slack isn’t the best mechanism for this type of conversation. Lastly, think about who’s in the room. Think about whether or not this should be a private conversation or if it’s better suited for and with a group. Next time you’re facing confrontation, remember: it’s not about winning, it’s about growing. Don’t shy away from these conversations—they’ll make you, your team, and your business stronger.

Studies show we waste 7 hours per week dancing around difficult conversations. That's 45 workdays a year of tiptoeing through meetings. That tension isn't invisible 🫥 Everyone feels it 🙄 Everyone avoids it 🫣 And it's costing more than you think. But here's the real cost: Innovation dies where candor fears to speak. 9 counter-intuitive ways to address the elephant 🐘 (without starting a circus): 1. Use the "Empty Chair" technique ↳ Put an empty chair in important meetings ❗️ It represents the unspoken truth ✅ When tension rises, point to it: "What would the empty chair say?" 2. Start with the second problem ↳ Skip the surface issue everyone expects ❗️ Address the deeper concern first ✅ Watch the first problem solve itself 3. Create "Conflict Time Zones" ↳ Schedule tough talks between 10:30-11:30am ❗️ Our emotional regulation peaks then ✅ Drama drops by 40% (Stanford research) 4. Deploy the "Preview-No-Surprise" rule ↳ Text 3 bullet points 30 mins before ❗️ No one likes ambush conversations ✅ Anxiety drops when people can prepare 5. Use the "Both-And" Framework ↳ Replace "but" with "and" ❗️ "You're brilliant AND we're missing deadlines" ✅ It validates both realities 6. Create a "Positive Assumption Contract" ↳ Start with: "I assume we both want what's best" ❗️ Write it down ✅ Reference it when tensions flare 7. Practice "Productive Silence" ↳ After addressing issues, stay quiet for 7 seconds ❗️ Don't fill the space ✅ Let solutions emerge naturally 8. End with "The Future Story" ↳ Paint the picture 3 months from now ❗️ "When we look back, what made this work?" ✅ It shifts focus from problems to possibilities 9. Name the "Hidden Emotional Current" ↳ Label the emotion, not the argument ❗️ "I sense fear about our direction here" ✅ Watch resistance melt Every difficult conversation you avoid today becomes tomorrow's crisis. Your next breakthrough is hiding in the conversation you're afraid to have. How do you tend to address the elephants? ___________ ♻️ Reshare to help others navigate challenging situations. Follow me Ruta Stasiunaite 😎 for leadership and emotional intelligence insights.