Tips for Assertive Communication

I used to believe that being assertive meant being aggressive. The reality is that you can both assert yourself and be kind. 5 proven tips to be more assertive (without being aggressive): 1/ Express your needs and wants clearly Why: Being direct and honest about your needs helps others understand your perspective and enables them to respond appropriately. It demonstrates self-respect and confidence in your own opinions and feelings. How: "I appreciate your input on this project, but I strongly believe we should take a different approach. Focusing on user experience will lead to better conversion. Can we discuss how we can incorporate both of our ideas?" 2/ Use "I" statements to communicate your perspective Why: "I" statements help you take ownership of your thoughts and feelings without placing blame or making accusations. They create a non-confrontational atmosphere that encourages open dialogue and mutual understanding. How: "I appreciate the effort you've put into this presentation, but I have some concerns about the accuracy of the data. I suggest we review the sources together and make any necessary updates to strengthen our case." 3/ Practice active listening and seek to understand others Why: Active listening demonstrates that you value others' perspectives and are willing to engage in a two-way conversation. It helps build trust and rapport, making it easier to find mutually beneficial outcomes. How: "I hear your concerns about the proposed changes to our team structure. Can you tell me more about how these changes will impact your work? I want to ensure that we address any potential issues." 4/ Offer solutions Why: Offering solutions rather than simply stating problems demonstrates your willingness to work collaboratively and find mutually beneficial outcomes. How: "I understand that you want to launch the new feature as soon as possible, but I have concerns about the current timeline. What if we break the launch into two phases? We can release the core functionality in the first phase and then add the additional enhancements in the second phase. This way, we can meet the initial deadline while ensuring the quality of the final product." 5/ Learn to say "No" when necessary Why: Saying "no" to unreasonable requests or demands demonstrates self-respect and helps you maintain control over your time and resources. It also helps prevent burnout and enables you to focus on your priorities. How: "I appreciate you considering me for this new project, but unfortunately, I don't have the capacity to take on additional work at the moment. I'm committed to delivering high-quality results on my current projects, and taking on more would compromise this. Can we revisit this opportunity in a few weeks when my workload is more manageable?" What’s one thing that helped you become more assertive? PS: Assertiveness is a form of self-care that also nurtures healthy, respectful relationships with others. Image Credit: Jenny Nurick

𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫. 𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞'𝐬 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲'𝐫𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬. 🎯 I've spent years collecting strategies for being heard in meetings. Then I discovered Deborah Liu's TEDx talk "Let's Make It Awkward" that changed how I think about all of them. Liu, former VP of Facebook Payments, used to watch partners at Money20/20 literally turn away from her to speak only to her male colleague. She'd stand there nodding politely. Things changed after she gave the keynote—suddenly, she was worth listening to. 👀 For years, she stayed quiet. Then at a Women In Product dinner, she and other leaders made a pact: "𝐒𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐰 𝐢𝐭. 𝐋𝐞𝐭'𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐰𝐤𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝." Because awkwardness is the price of change. 💡 𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞'𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈'𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬: 𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐄𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 📋  - Prepare 2-3 key points. - Arrive early for a visible seat. - On video: camera on, well-lit, centered. 𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐍 🗣️ - Jump in early—even with a clarifying question - Use assertive language: "I recommend..." not "Maybe we could..." - Don't wait to be called on 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔'𝐑𝐄 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐑𝐔𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐃 ✋ - "I'd like to finish my point" - If someone repeats your idea: "Thanks for reinforcing my point. As I was saying..." 𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 📢 Have allies acknowledge your contributions: "As [Your Name] said..." And amplify yourself when needed. 𝐏𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐒  💪  ✓ Claim expertise: "Based on my work on X..." ✓ Ask directly: "I'd like to weigh in before we move forward" ✓ Document your contributions in follow-up emails 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 ⭐ You may need to be more assertive than feels comfortable. You might make things awkward. But that discomfort isn't your burden—it's the tax on outdated norms. Your ideas deserve airtime. Your presence isn't just about being seen—it's about ensuring your expertise leads to better outcomes. ✨ 𝐋𝐞𝐭'𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐰𝐤𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝, 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫. 🚀 Watch Deborah Liu's TEDx talk: "Let's Make It Awkward" What strategies have worked for you? 👇 #Leadership #LetsMakeItAwkward #Communication #WorkplaceCulture #ProfessionalDevelopment

💔 “The Brilliant Woman Who Was Interrupted 7 Times in 5 Minutes” During a leadership workshop, one of my clients shared something that stayed with me. Her voice broke a little as she said: 👉 “I counted… seven times in five minutes. They cut me off. By the end, I just gave up speaking.” I watched her eyes as she spoke. They weren’t just narrating an incident—they were telling the story of exhaustion. She described the scene in detail: The sharp tone of the first interruption. The laughter after the second. The shuffling of papers as if her words didn’t matter. By the fourth, her shoulders slumped. By the seventh, silence swallowed her brilliance. That moment pierced me. Because she didn’t just lose her voice in that meeting—she lost an opportunity to influence. And the room lost the chance to hear an idea that could have shaped strategy. 🚧 The Obstacle Gender bias doesn’t always announce itself. It creeps in quietly. In how often a woman is cut off. In how her ideas are overlooked until someone else repeats them. In how she’s told—implicitly or explicitly—to “be patient, wait your turn.” And here’s the truth: brilliance shouldn’t need permission to exist. 💡 How I Helped as a Communication Skills Trainer We worked on three things: ✔️ #AssertiveCommunication – rehearsing responses to interruptions that were firm but professional. ✔️ Power phrases – short, sharp lines that create space and command attention. ✔️ #ExecutivePresence – voice control, body language, and the subtle shifts that make people pause and listen. ✨ The Transformation At her next boardroom meeting, she walked in differently. She wasn’t waiting for permission. She wasn’t hoping not to be interrupted. She was ready. She didn’t just speak. She owned the table. And the most powerful part? The very people who had once interrupted her… leaned in, took notes, and listened. 🌍 The Learning As leaders, we must recognize that #GenderBias in communication is not imaginary. It’s real. It’s silent. And it shapes careers every single day. That’s why assertiveness training isn’t optional for women leaders. It’s #Leadership. It’s #Survival. It’s #Power. ⸻ 🔑 For Leaders Reading This: Have you ever witnessed brilliance being silenced in your boardroom? The bigger question is—what did you do about it?

Aggressive. Bossy. Emotional. Pushy. Unapproachable. Intimidating. These negative perceptions of assertiveness are ones I and many women have faced. I'd like to introduce you to STRATEGIC ASSERTIVENESS. Strategic assertiveness means clearly and confidently expressing one's needs and opinions while respecting others' perspectives and creating collaborative, respectful professional relationships. Here is how women leaders can embody strategic assertiveness: 👑 Self-awareness: Understand your emotions, strengths, and areas for growth. Recognize your biases and the challenges that impact your interactions. 👑 Communicate Clearly: Use precise language to articulate your ideas and decisions. Use "I" statements to avoid misunderstandings and defensiveness. Speak with CONFIDENCE. 👑 Listen: Demonstrate genuine interest in team members' inputs and show that all voices are valued. 👑 Practice Emotional Regulation: Engage in constructive, rather than reactive, interactions. Check in with yourself and take breaks to regulate, reflect, and regain composure. Take deep breaths. You get to have emotions. You're not a robot. Take moments to be in the headspace to be impactful and effective. 👑 Timing and Context: Not every moment is a good moment for being assertive; that's why it's strategic assertiveness. Choose optimal moments for assertive communication, be mindful of timing, and provide context. 👑 Be Flexible: Be open to negotiation and compromise where beneficial. Adaptability is a quality trait. Strategic assertiveness includes adapting to different situations and getting feedback from peers and subordinates. , demonstrating adaptive leadership. 👑 Follow-through: Implement decisions with consistency and accountability. Align words with actions, integrity, and reliability. Follow the above, and the next time you're described as aggressive, bossy, emotional, bitchy, pushy, unapproachable, or intimidating, let them know you are strategically assertive. #assertive #strategic #strategicallyassertive #wordsmatter #leadership #womeninleadership

THE COURAGE TO SPEAK UP: SAYING WHAT NEEDS TO BE SAID Courageous conversations aren’t about being forceful – they’re about communicating with clarity, honesty, and respect when the stakes are high. Whether you’re addressing a performance issue, navigating conflict, or repairing a breakdown in trust, the ability to speak up is one of the most powerful skills a leader can develop. A strong starting point is understanding the elements that make these conversations effective. Each one strengthens your ability to communicate clearly while preserving the relationship: • Clarity of Purpose  – Know what outcome you want from the conversation and craft your main speaking points with this goal in mind. Ideally, you are working toward a shared outcome that aligns with the other person's interests as well. Purpose provides direction and keeps the conversation grounded. • Emotional Regulation – Manage your internal state so emotions don’t derail the conversation. If either person becomes triggered, pausing or continuing later can prevent unnecessary escalation. • Active Listening – Make space to truly hear the other person. Being genuinely curious and authentic helps the other person feel understood, which is essential for productive dialogue. • Assertiveness – Speak truthfully, but respectfully. Being assertive means standing firm on key points without shifting into blame, defensiveness, or aggression. Remember the reason why you brought up this topic to begin with!   When these elements work together, something shifts. The conversation stops being a source of dread and becomes an opportunity. Even though the process might be messy or uncomfortable, it can lead to meaningful results. A client recently tackled a difficult conversation with her manager using these tips and found her manager was surprisingly receptive despite both of them avoiding the issue for months. Courageous conversations aren’t about perfection; they’re about choosing honesty over avoidance, and connection over silence. And making that choice is what real leadership looks like.

15 situations to practice being assertive: 1. When someone interrupts you, 🔹 say: “I’d like to finish my thought before we move on.” 2. When you need to say no, 🔹 say: “I can’t commit to this right now, but I appreciate you thinking of me.” 3. When you disagree in a meeting, 🔹 say: “I see it differently—here’s why.” 4. When you need more time, 🔹 say: “I want to do this well. Let’s set a realistic timeline.” 5. When someone takes credit for your work, 🔹 say: “I appreciate the recognition. This was a team effort, and I led X part.” 6. When you receive unfair criticism, 🔹 say: “Can you clarify what you mean? I want to understand your perspective.” 7. When you need to ask for a raise, 🔹 say: “Based on my contributions, I’d like to discuss adjusting my compensation.” 8. When you need to set boundaries, 🔹 say: “I won’t be available after hours, but I’ll handle this first thing tomorrow.” 9. When you need help, 🔹 say: “I could use your input on this. Can we collaborate?” 10. When someone pushes their opinion on you, 🔹 say: “I hear your point, but I have a different perspective.” 11. When a colleague tries to undermine you, 🔹 say: “I’d appreciate it if you came to me directly next time.” 12. When a meeting is dragging on, 🔹 say: “To be mindful of everyone’s time, let’s move to a decision.” 13. When you need to decline an unfair workload, 🔹 say: “I can take this on, but I’ll need to reprioritize other projects.” 14. When someone invades your personal space (physically or professionally), 🔹 say: “I’m not comfortable with that. Please respect my space.” 15. When you need to challenge authority respectfully, 🔹 say: “I see your point, but I’d like to offer an alternative approach.” Your voice matters. Use it. Assertiveness is a skill. The more you practice, the stronger it gets. — 🏵️ Tomorrow in The Modern Executive newsletter: Corporate politics: the game you can’t afford to lose. Click the link under my name. ♻️ Repost it to help others grow. ➕ Follow me, @Misha Rubin, for actionable career, leadership, and life insights.

𝗚𝗮𝗿𝘆 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗳𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱. He was hardworking, talented, and dedicated. But his manager, Alex, made his work life stressful. ❌ Unrealistic deadlines ❌ Constant pressure ❌ Zero support or appreciation No matter how hard he tried, 𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝘁 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗰𝗸. 𝗚𝗮𝗿𝘆’𝘀 𝗱𝗮𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀: 😞 Overwhelmed with tasks 😞 Stressed about failing deadlines 😞 Afraid to speak up He wanted to push back but was afraid it would make things worse. 𝗘𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲? Gary didn’t know how to: ➡️ Set boundaries without conflict ➡️ Say “no” without looking uncooperative ➡️ Manage stress without burning out 𝗛𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 his only choices were: 1️⃣ Stay silent & suffer OR 2️⃣ Speak up & risk his job 𝗚𝗮𝗿𝘆’𝘀 𝗧𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗣𝗼𝗶𝗻𝘁 Instead of reacting emotionally, Gary learned 𝟰 𝗸𝗲𝘆 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗴𝗶𝗲𝘀 to handle his manager like a pro. These changed everything for him— and they can do the same for you. 👇 Here’s how he did it. 𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝟭: Understand Your Manager’s Personality Your manager’s behavior isn’t personal— it’s based on their priorities. 🔹 Gary’s mistake? Assuming Alex was just “difficult.” 🔹 What he realized? Alex was results-driven and valued efficiency over details. 💡 Once Gary figured this out, he changed how he presented his work. Instead of long emails, he started giving: ✔ Concise updates ✔ Quick solutions instead of problems 𝗥𝗲𝘀𝘂𝗹𝘁? Alex responded better and became more cooperative. 𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝟮: Change How You Communicate Old Approach: ❌ “This deadline isn’t possible.” New Approach: ✅ “Here’s what I can realistically deliver in this timeframe. Let’s discuss priorities.” 💡 The conversation shifted from conflict to collaboration. 𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝟯: Be Assertive, Not Aggressive Assertiveness = Respecting yourself while respecting others. 𝗚𝗮𝗿𝘆 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼: ✔ Use “I” statements instead of blaming ✔ Set clear expectations 🔹 Example: Gary told Alex: 👉 “I need more resources or an extended deadline to deliver my best work.” Result? Alex didn’t push back—he respected Gary’s input. 𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝟰: Say "No" Without Hurting Your Reputation Saying “no” was scary for Gary. So he learned how to do it the right way. 𝗥𝗲𝘀𝘂𝗹𝘁? Alex appreciated the clarity—and stopped overloading him. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗢𝘂𝘁𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲? After applying these 4 skills, Gary: ✅ Managed his workload better ✅ Gained confidence in speaking up ✅ Reduced stress & improved focus 𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁? These strategies worked beyond just work— they improved his entire life. 𝗜𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳... ✔ Communicating confidently ✔ Managing conflicts with ease ✔ Feeling respected in your role These aren’t just “soft skills.” They’re career-changing strategies. 𝗣.𝗦. Your Next Breakthrough Awaits 🚀 📩 DM me for a FREE strategy call And start your transformation today. #peakimpactmentorship #growth #leadership  

Raise your hand if you’ve been interrupted mid-sentence - especially in a meeting full of men. 🙋🏽♀️ It happens more often than we’d like to admit. Women are often interrupted, ignored, or talked over, and it can feel frustrating, demoralizing, and exhausting. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Here's how you can assertively take back the conversation and maintain control: 1. Pause: Don’t just keep talking. Pause, make eye contact, and say something like, “I’d like to finish my thought,” or “I wasn’t done speaking.” This sets a boundary without aggression. 2. Be silent: If someone interrupts you, let there be a brief moment of silence. This gives you space to reassert control and shows confidence in your words. 3. Repeat: If you’re cut off, calmly restate your point and say, “As I was saying…” This gently reminds everyone that your contribution deserves to be heard. 4. Use your body language: Be intentional with your posture. Sit up straight, hold your ground, and use confident gestures to reinforce your presence in the conversation. 5. Involve others: If the interruptions continue, invite others into the conversation to back you up. You can say, “I’d love to hear your thoughts on this, [name], after I finish.” Remember: You belong at the table, and your voice matters. Interruptions don’t show how credible you are. They show that others need to respect your boundaries. And you need to be confident in setting them. Don’t let anyone take that away from you. P.S. Have you experienced being interrupted in meetings? How do you handle it?

The problem with most advice about “being more assertive” at work: It assumes you won’t be penalized for using it. That assumption changes how a lot of people should read the advice they've been given. I’ve coached over 200 leaders at the director level. The ones who feel most stuck aren’t the ones who lack confidence. They’re the ones who actually followed the advice. They spoke up. They made the ask. They were direct. And watched it land differently than it was supposed to. Social science has a name for this. The double bind. Inside most organizations, many leaders already operate like this: Be collaborative. Be warm. Be easy to work with. Then the leadership advice arrives: Speak up more. Push your ideas forward. Make the ask. The problem isn’t the second list. It’s when the second list replaces the first. Because the signals people were reading as trust and cooperation disappear. And suddenly the same behavior lands very differently. Same ask. Different read. Which means the standard advice “just ask for what you want” skips right past the real constraint. So what actually works? Make assertiveness harder to misread. Here’s what that looks like in practice. ↳ Build rapport before the ask. The relationship isn’t separate from the negotiation. In environments where people are already calibrating how you show up, trust is what makes your ask land as confident instead of demanding. ↳ Use a range instead of a single number. If you want a 10% raise, ask for 12–15. You bring the ambitious number into the conversation without presenting it as a demand. You stay flexible. You negotiate toward what you actually wanted. ↳ Use precise numbers. Research consistently shows precise offers outperform round ones. $92,000 reads like preparation. $90,000 reads like a guess. ↳ Make your direction visible. When your manager understands where you're headed, your asks stop reading as overreach. They start reading as strategy. The double bind is real. But the walls are narrower than most people think. The goal was never to stop being assertive. It was to make your assertiveness legible inside a system that wasn’t always designed to receive it. That is a skill. And it is absolutely learnable. If this reframed how you think about assertiveness at work, share it with someone navigating it right now. In tomorrow’s podcast episode, I’m discussing the research behind this dynamic with Columbia Business School negotiation professor Malia Mason. 🔖 Save this for the next time you need to make an assertive ask at work. Follow me, Jill Avey, for practical leadership strategies most advice skips over.

It's tough to succeed if you can't communicate. Here's how to do it well (in any situation): 1. Be specific. "You always do this" means absolutely nothing. "You interrupted me three times in the meeting" means something. 2. Describe the behavior, not the person. "You talk over people" is a fact. "You're disrespectful" is a cruel judgment. 3. Name the impact. "When you go off-script on sales calls, we lose deals" is something a person can work on. "You're hurting our team" is something a person feels badly about. 4. Use I, not You. "I felt cut off in that conversation" shows the impact of their behavior. "You never let me finish," shames someone with no lesson learned. Direct communication will always feel uncomfortable at first. You need to do it anyway. The people who master it build better teams, better relationships, and better lives. Bookmark this for the next time you need to have a tough conversation. Interested in learning more useful tips like this? I send one essay every Saturday to help 180K+ readers rethink how they work, earn, and live. Join free here: https://buff.ly/rq3gVo9