Managing Emotional Labor

As International Women’s Day nears, we’ll see the usual corporate gestures—empowerment panels, social media campaigns, and carefully curated success stories. But let’s be honest: these feel-good initiatives rarely change what actually holds women back at work on the daily basis. Instead, I suggest focusing on something concrete, something I’ve seen have the biggest impact in my work with teams: the unspoken dynamics that shape psychological safety. 🚨Because psychological safety is not the same for everyone. Psychological safety is often defined as a shared belief that one can take risks without fear of negative consequences. But let’s unpack that—who actually feels safe enough to take those risks? 🔹 Speaking up costs more for women Confidence isn’t the issue—consequences are. Women learn early that being too direct can backfire. Assertiveness can be read as aggression, while careful phrasing can make them seem uncertain. Over time, this calculation becomes second nature: Is this worth the risk? 🔹 Mistakes are stickier When men fail, it’s seen as part of leadership growth. When women fail, it often reinforces lingering doubts about their competence. This means that women aren’t more risk-averse by nature—they’re just more aware of the cost. 🔹 Inclusion isn’t just about presence Being at the table doesn’t mean having an equal voice. Women often find themselves in a credibility loop—having to repeatedly prove their expertise before their ideas carry weight. Meanwhile, those who fit the traditional leadership mold are often trusted by default. 🔹 Emotional labor is the silent career detour Women in teams do an extraordinary amount of behind-the-scenes work—mediating conflicts, softening feedback, ensuring inclusion. The problem? This work isn’t visible in performance reviews or leadership selection criteria. It’s expected, but not rewarded. What companies can do beyond IWD symbolism: ✅ Stop measuring "confidence"—start measuring credibility gaps If some team members always need to “prove it” while others are trusted instantly, you have a credibility gap, not a confidence issue. Fix how ideas get heard, not how women present them. ✅ Make failure a learning moment for everyone Audit how mistakes are handled in your team. Are men encouraged to take bold moves while women are advised to be more careful? Change the narrative around risk. ✅ Track & reward emotional labor If women are consistently mentoring, resolving conflicts, or ensuring inclusion, this isn’t just “being helpful”—it’s leadership. Make it visible, valued, and part of promotion criteria. 💥 This IWD, let’s skip the celebration and start the correction. If your company is serious about making psychological safety equal for everyone, let’s do the real work. 📅 I’m now booking IWD sessions focused on improving team dynamics and creating workplaces where women don’t just survive, but thrive. Book your spot and let’s turn good intentions into lasting impact.

𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐄𝐱𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 𝐑𝐮𝐠𝐛𝐲 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐂𝐮𝐩 In this video, South African Rugby Union (SA Rugby) head coach Rassie Erasmus walks around playing the French national anthem during training. This was in preparation for the quarter-final match against the FFR - Fédération Française de Rugby— during the Rugby World Cup France 2023. This was to prepare the players for the loud noise and the home crowd, and is a form of stress exposure training. 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗦𝘁𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗘𝘅𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴? According to Driskell et al. (2008), this form of training involves exposing individuals to demands that may be present in a given task setting: ✅Noise ✅ Threat ✅ Time pressure ✅ Fatigue ✅ Other environmental demands 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗗𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝗦𝘁𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗘𝘅𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗜𝗻𝘃𝗼𝗹𝘃𝗲? Driskell and Johnston (1998) stated that this form of training involves 3 distinct phases: 1️⃣ 𝙀𝙣𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙁𝙖𝙢𝙞𝙡𝙞𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙮 𝙒𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙏𝙖𝙨𝙠 𝙀𝙣𝙫𝙞𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩 During this part of training, individuals are provided with information on what stress is, common symptoms that people can experience when experiencing stress, and the effects of stress on performance in a pressurised setting. We 2️⃣ 𝙄𝙢𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙃𝙞𝙜𝙝-𝙋𝙚𝙧𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙎𝙠𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙨 During Phase 2, individuals learn the skills that are required in the specific task setting (i.e., rugby match, military, law enforcement). 3️⃣ 𝙋𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙘𝙚 𝙎𝙠𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝘽𝙪𝙞𝙡𝙙 𝘾𝙤𝙣𝙛𝙞𝙙𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚 Practice should involve exposure to realistic conditions to build the confidence of individuals. This is what we can see in the video. The South African team are training under noisy conditions to enhance their confidence at performing under such conditions. 𝗗𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝗦𝘁𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗘𝘅𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗸? Driskell et al. (2001) found that stress exposure training enhanced performance during stressful settings and reduced stress perceptions. The Federal Law Enforcement Training Center (2004) has also used stress exposure training to simulate stress among law enforcement officers and improve decision-making under stress (Norris & Wollert, 2011). 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗖𝗼𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗦𝗸𝗶𝗹𝗹𝘀? In addition to exposing individuals to demanding situations, I think it's very important to teach coping strategies that can be deployed and practised under stressful training conditions because we know that coping is associated with performance across many sports (Nicholls et al., 2016). That is, give athletes the tools to be able to cope when they are exposed to different demanding environments and allow them time to practice these coping strategies because we know it can take time for coping to develop and become more effective (Nicholls, 2007).

Burnout isn’t a time problem. It’s a feeling problem. If I had a dollar for every time a high-performing exec blamed burnout on “time management”… I’d fund emotional literacy programs across India. Twice. My counselling patients include CEOs, surgeons, and creators — people who’ve mastered discipline. They’ve optimized their calendars. Their teams. Their lives. But when burnout hits? They crash. Hard. Not because they’re lazy. Not because they lack ambition. But because no one ever taught them the one thing that now matters most: How to feel. Here’s what I see, again and again:   They’re exhausted in ways sleep can’t fix.   They procrastinate, but don’t know why.   They lead others, but feel lost inside themselves. They’re emotionally cut off from their teams, their loved ones, and worst of all… themselves. And still, they try to optimize their way out. As if feelings are bugs in the system. But here’s the truth: Your brain is the CEO. Your emotions are the board. Ignore them? You’re getting fired from your own life. So what’s the fix? Here are 3 emotional strategies I teach my clients: Ground before you go. (Breathwork. Cold water. Movement.) Track emotional KPIs. Check in daily. What am I feeling? Why? What do I need? Micro-habits for presence. 1-minute pauses. Phone-free family time. Naming your emotions out loud. Because the leaders who win this decade? Won’t just be the smartest. They’ll be the ones who’ve mastered emotional presence. Because plans don’t lead people. Presence does. #psychology #mindset #people #emotions #productivity #leadership

Conversations on Leading People: Invisible Work, Visible Impact About a year ago, I made a managerial misstep during the early stages of our return to the office (RTO). I was on a mission to rekindle my team’s sense of connection and remind us why we enjoyed working together. Plus, I was thrilled at the thought of reuniting with my team in person! However, a few days before a scheduled team gathering, and with my assistant unavailable, I suddenly remembered that I needed to coordinate the food and activities. Feeling the time pressure, I approached someone conveniently seated in my office, saying, "Hey, I totally forgot about it. Could you step in and organize this event?" With a subtle smile and a twinkle in her eye, she responded, "Daisy, you're always reminding us to balance the workload among the team. I'm swamped right now, and I'm pretty sure someone else with a lighter workload could take care of it." She was right! I sighed, thanked her, and mentally kicked myself for automatically turning to her just because she happened to be in front of me. To ensure fairness, trust, and credibility in the workplace, our actions must align with our stated values and principles. This memory came rushing back to me when I read S. Mitra Kalita's piece on TIME and Charter, "How to End the Unfairness of Invisible Work," where she delves into the harmful impact of unpaid, unacknowledged, and unregulated work, and how it disproportionately affects women and people of color. Here are some key takeaways: - Make it visible: Even though these tasks might not appear in a typical job description, responsibilities like providing emotional support, handling conflict, offering mentorship, and nurturing relationships are crucial elements of a healthy workplace and should be recognized. - Seek understanding: Begin with an emotional labor audit and follow it up by equitably redistributing the workload. - Reward the often-overlooked champions and networks shaping culture: Conduct pay equity gap audits, assess diversity across all levels, embrace salary transparency, and fairly compensate those who actively participate in committees and ERGs for their contributions. - Acknowledge the harm: Don't underestimate the impact of loneliness and job dissatisfaction. Imagine a workplace where we prevent burnout by unveiling the invisible labor that shapes culture and providing the autonomy to effectively manage the pressures of people-pleasing, workaholism, and relentless time constraints. We say "yes" when it aligns with our capacity, energy, and goals. Our "yeses" and contributions are recognized and rewarded. Moreover, we have the confidence and grace to respond as my team member did: "Thanks for thinking of me, but I'm currently deeply engaged in a critical project. Perhaps someone with a lighter workload could take this on?", without worrying about facing negative consequences. https://lnkd.in/eUqd6jiv

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗱𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗼 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗺 𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗵𝗶𝗴𝗵? “I’m just so frustrated” In a high EQ organization, you're likely to ✅ nod ✅ empathize ✅ move on. So politically correct. You've just checked the proverbial "engagement" checklist. Our organizations today are so geared to being perfunctory and efficient. But are they really frustrated? Or are they:  ❓ overwhelmed ❓ disappointed ❓ embarrassed ❓ resentful ❓ fearful? Each of these means a different root cause. When leading a team, understanding that difference can make or break how the situation unfolds. I came across fascinating psychological research on the topic of emotional granularity. (research journals in comments) It’s not labeling emotions only; it’s about getting specific in order to empathize well. It’s the difference between hearing “I’m stressed” and knowing whether that stress is rooted in fear, uncertainty or the pressure to perform. Can you tell the difference between an employee who’s “angry” because they feel undervalued versus one who’s “angry” because they’re burned out? When you get this right, everything changes ✅ team dynamics ✅ decision-making ✅ your ability to lead through crises. Leaders who practice emotional granularity are far better at managing conflict and fostering trust within their teams. When you can name emotions with precision—yours and others’—you create clarity. Clarity is the antidote to chaos. How Can Leaders Use Emotional Granularity? 1️⃣ Start With Yourself. Leaders who model emotional granularity are 30% more likely to inspire loyalty and engagement within their teams. Your emotions set the tone for your organization. Practice identifying and sharing what you’re really feeling in high-pressure moments. 2️⃣ Listen Beyond Words. When your team expresses emotions, dig deeper. Ask questions like, “What’s driving that frustration?” or “What do you think is at the root of this?” Often, what people say isn’t the full story. It's okay for them to be imprecise and unfamiliar initially as you shape their emotional expression fully. 3️⃣ Create a Culture of Emotional Precision Encourage your team to articulate their feelings with specificity. It doesn't have to be a therapy session, just holding space. 4️⃣ Use Emotional Granularity in Difficult Conversations. Whether it’s giving feedback or navigating conflict, being precise about emotions helps de-escalate tension and build trust. If handling emotions within your organization feels like navigating a minefield—let’s talk. --- Follow me Stuart Tan MSc., MBA for more insights on leadership and oirganizational development!

If you avoid hard conversations, you’re bleeding trust. And I’ve seen it for years—not just in boardrooms, but in therapy rooms. As a psychotherapist, I sat across from high achievers unraveling under silence, tension, and unspoken stress from work. Most weren’t struggling with the work itself. They were struggling with cultures where honesty felt unsafe. Where truth had to be repackaged in such a way that one wasn't concerned about speaking with care, but more about being careful with their words because of fear. So I built a framework leaders could actually use in the moment to help lower the threat threshold when it came to feedback. The 3 A’s of Emotionally Intelligent Feedback: (Aware(ness) → Assess(ment) → Address/Action) 1. Aware(ness) Start with you. What’s your emotional state? Are you clear, or reactive? If you’re dysregulated, trust me, the conversation’s already off track. 2. Assess(ment) What’s the dynamic underneath this issue? Is this about performance—or fear, confusion, power, trust? Slow down enough to name it. We don’t need you projecting instead of protecting and progressing. 3. Address/Action Now address it productively.  Lead with curiosity. Choose words that create space, not shame. What’s your first sentence? “What’s feeling stuck right now?” beats “You missed the mark again.” High EQ requires a balance and understanding of self-awareness and social awareness. This isn’t about making feedback soft. It’s about making it safe enough to actually land well. What part of giving feedback challenges you most? Let’s talk about it—this is where authentic, healthy culture gets built. #emotionalIntelligence #leadership #psychologicalSafety #workculture ----- 💡 Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is the most overhyped, underutilized, and misused skill. I partner with leaders and teams to do the deeper work that elevates their EQ to create psychological safety and agency. Because every day we’re peopling—and we can people better.

If your job requires you to be "on" all the time - perfect, polished, emotionally available - you're doing invisible work. It’s emotional labour. It drains you in ways that don't show up on timesheets or performance reviews. Hospitality service workers deal with this constantly. So do customer service teams. Account managers. Anyone client-facing. Teachers. Carers. Healthcare workers. You're managing your own stress while also managing everyone else's experience of you. Staying calm when you're not calm. Being warm when you're exhausted. Absorbing someone else's frustration without showing your own. That's work in its truest sense. And most organisations have no idea how to support it. Some practical advice for those on both sides of the coin 👇🏿 For workers: name it. When you're drained, recognise that emotional regulation isn't weakness - it's labour you've been performing all day. You're not being "too sensitive," you're exhausted from work that doesn't get counted. For companies & leaders: build in recovery time. Rotate people off high-intensity interactions. Train managers to recognise emotional labour and factor it into workload. Create spaces where people can drop the performance for a few minutes without judgment. The companies that acknowledge emotional labour and give people actual tools to manage it ↔️ keep their best people. The ones that pretend it doesn't exist ↔️high turnover, burnout, quiet quitting. You can't just tell people to "be resilient." You have to recognise what you're asking them to do.

Last night, I spent a couple of hours reviewing aggregate data from the numerous workplace dynamics assessments we’ve conducted over the past 12 months. Don’t get me wrong, I do other things in my spare time... But last night, I felt compelled to look for patterns in the psychosocial risks that are undermining retention, engagement, and performance. And guess what? A clear pattern emerged. Our data shows that job demands, excessive workload, and emotional exhaustion are among the most consistent psychosocial risks impacting performance. This isn’t just anecdotal; it’s systemic. Here’s the thing: emotional exhaustion isn’t a character flaw or a sign of weakness. It’s a warning light that tells us something isn’t working. When these psychosocial risks go unmanaged, the cost isn’t just absenteeism or turnover. It’s disengagement, silos, poor decision-making, and missed potential. As part of the control measures we recommend after identifying these risks, we stress that if we want to lead businesses where people thrive, we must design conversations that reach the heart of wellbeing; early, openly, and often. One practical tool we encourage is the Wellbeing Conversation Guide. How does it work? Use it in your 1:1s, team reflections, or even performance reviews. Start with: Ask: – What makes you feel stressed or drained? – What’s important to you outside of work? – Are there any areas of your life I can support you in protecting? These aren’t fluffy questions; they’re strategic. They help surface risks before they escalate into problems, and build trust before it’s too late. Try this out, and you’ll see the impact for yourself.

🔹 Leading Under Pressure: Lessons from Extreme Environments 🔹 Leadership isn’t tested when everything goes smoothly—it’s defined by how leaders respond in high-pressure moments. Whether steering a team through a crisis or tackling a major challenge, staying composed, making decisive calls, and fostering teamwork are essential. Some of the best leadership lessons come from extreme environments—mountaineering, disaster response, and space exploration—where failure isn’t an option. These situations demand resilience, adaptability, and clear decision-making, just like in business. 💡 5 Leadership Lessons from High-Stakes Environments: ✅ Resilience Fuels Progress – Challenges will come, but strong leaders break them down into small, manageable steps. 📌 Example: A software team facing unexpected setbacks set short-term goals, celebrated small wins, and kept motivation high. ✅ Emotional Intelligence Builds Stability – Under pressure, teams look to leaders for guidance. The ability to regulate emotions, communicate clearly, and provide support strengthens morale. 📌 Example: A hospital manager saw rising staff burnout and held check-ins to address concerns, boosting team morale. ✅ Decisive Action Prevents Paralysis – The perfect decision is rare, but quick thinking with available data keeps the momentum going. 📌 Example: A small business owner pivoted suppliers quickly to maintain operations despite rising costs. ✅ Teamwork Creates Collective Strength – Trust, clear roles, and effective communication make teams more resilient under pressure. 📌 Example: A marketing team working on a product launch was assigned clear responsibilities, checked in frequently, and adapted when needed. ✅ Calm Leadership Steadies the Team – Panic spreads fast. Leaders who remain composed help their teams focus on solutions. 📌 Example: A restaurant chef faced an unexpected supply issue but adjusted the menu and delegated tasks calmly, keeping the team on track. 🚀 How to Apply These Lessons to Business Leadership: 🔹 Stay adaptable—conditions will change, but a flexible approach ensures progress. 🔹 Build trust—teams perform best when leaders listen, support, and communicate effectively. 🔹 Make timely decisions—waiting for perfect information often means missing the opportunity to act. 🔹 Keep learning—post-crisis reflections help teams prepare for future challenges. 📌 Final Thought: Leaders who thrive under pressure don’t just react—they anticipate, adapt, and guide their teams with confidence. Whether in business or on a mountainside, success comes from resilience, clear thinking, and teamwork. 🔗 Full blog post below. 📌 #Leadership #Resilience #DecisionMaking #Teamwork #ExecutiveLeadership

𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐓𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐄𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐖𝐢-𝐅𝐢 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐏𝐬𝐲𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐒𝐚𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐲 𝐢𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚 𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐲. 𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐲. 🧠 Did you know your team is essentially operating on "Emotional Wi-Fi"? 📶 We tend to think of our minds as closed loops—private and contained. But neuroscience suggests we are actually open-loop systems, constantly regulating each other’s nervous systems through 𝐌𝐢𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐫 𝐍𝐞𝐮𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐬. These neurons fire not only when we perform an action, but when we observe someone else performing it. When you frown in a meeting, my brain "rehearses" frowning. When you radiate panic, my brain prepares for a threat. When you show calm curiosity, my brain feels safe to explore. 𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐏𝐬𝐲𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐒𝐚𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐲: You cannot simply 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 people they are safe to fail or speak up. If your words say "I want your feedback," but your micro-expressions signal annoyance or stress, your team’s mirror neurons will detect the threat instantly. 𝐒𝐚𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐨. 𝐈𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞. As a leader, you are the 𝐄𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭 of the room. To build real safety, you have to hack the biology: 1. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 "𝐅𝐚𝐜𝐞" 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤: Before you join that call, reset your expression. A genuine smile or a relaxed brow triggers a safety response in others before you even speak. 2. 𝐍𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐑𝐞𝐠𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞: Ambiguity kills psychological safety. If you are stressed, say it: "𝘐’𝘮 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘥𝘨𝘦𝘵, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘴." This prevents your team from mirroring undefined anxiety. 3. 𝐌𝐨𝐝𝐞𝐥 𝐕𝐮𝐥𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲: When you admit a mistake, you don't look weak—you look human. This signals to your team's mirror neurons that the environment is safe enough for them to be human, too. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐨𝐦 𝐋𝐢𝐧𝐞: 𝘈𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘤. 𝘉𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘨𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘪𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘳. #PsychologicalSafety #Neuroscience #Leadership #TeamDynamics #EmotionalIntelligence #OurHappinessMatters #IgniteAction #TEAMJOY