Developing Listening Skills

My weekends are often spent mentoring, and I frequently get asked how I find the time and if it gets exhausting. For me, it doesn't. Spending a few hours each week lecturing at a college, solving issues for friends, or catching up with contemporaries is a delight. The diversity of my work is like being a space traveler: one day, it's creating music with Ankur Tewari; the next, it's discussing comedy with Tanmay Bhatt, or exploring the future of publishing with Shreya Punj. My schedule might exhaust others, but as Amit Varma says, it's like creating a picture of the universe—the more dots, the clearer the picture. And as I say, "To sprinkle stardust, you have to visit the stars." Every person is an adventure, an Aladdin’s cave filled with treasure. The question is, can you unlock them? Some steps for Learning and Mentoring Conversations - Listen More Than Talk: Truly hear what the other person is saying. - Keep Devices Away: Focus on the conversation unless taking notes, and inform them if you are. - Frame Questions Well: Ask open-ended questions to elicit more than a yes or no. - Set Goals: Establish clear objectives for mentoring sessions. - Encourage Openness: Create a safe environment for sharing. - Be Patient: Let the conversation flow naturally. - Provide Constructive Feedback: Offer supportive insights. - Summarize and Reflect: Ensure understanding and engagement. - Follow Up: Check progress and continue discussions. - Stay Curious:Maintain genuine interest in their journey. - Encourage Self-Reflection: Prompt deep thinking about their actions. - Respect Boundaries:Be mindful of sensitive topics. These strategies help create meaningful, effective learning conversations that enrich both parties.

The worst sales advice I ever got? "Just listen more." As if listening alone closes deals. See, most reps think they're listening. They're actually just waiting for their turn to talk. Or worse - frantically scribbling notes while missing the real message. Level 1: Eye Contact Not staring at yourself in the corner of Zoom. Not checking emails on your second screen. Actually looking at them. Showing presence. Simple? Yes. Common? Absolutely not. Level 2: Active Engagement Don't just nod along. Repeat back what they've said. "So what you're saying is..." Then dig deeper with specific questions. This is where deals actually move forward. Where trust gets built. Where you separate yourself from the 90% who just pitch. But Level 3? This is the game-changer. Level 3: Total Capture with Otter.ai I stopped pretending I could remember everything. Stopped the frantic note-taking that kills connection. Started transcribing every single word instead. Now while competitors are scrambling with notes, I'm: ↳ Maintaining full eye contact ↳ Asking deeper follow-up questions ↳ Actually hearing what they're NOT saying ↳ Building real relationships, not just taking orders Otter.ai captures it all: - Every commitment made - Every concern raised - Every buying signal dropped - Every stakeholder mentioned After the call? I've got: - Complete transcription - AI-powered summary - Action items extracted - Follow-up points clear See for yourself here https://lnkd.in/ewux7QDE The result? My close rate jumped 37% in 90 days. Not because I became a better talker. Because I became an elite listener. Your prospects don't want another rep taking notes. They want someone who truly hears them. Eye contact shows respect. Active engagement builds trust. But total capture? That's what wins deals. Free yourself from note-taking. Start actually listening. Let technology handle the rest. Because in 2026, if you're still choosing between listening and note-taking... You're already losing to someone who doesn't have to choose. What's your biggest listening challenge in sales? 👇

Why Listening Is a Leadership Imperative Performance feedback is one of the most common tools managers use to drive improvement. But what if feedback often undermines performance instead? Over two decades ago, Avraham Kluger analyzed 607 studies on feedback effectiveness. The finding was startling: in 38% of cases, feedback actually reduced performance. This wasn’t limited to negative feedback. Even positive feedback backfired — especially when it threatened how people saw themselves. The problem isn’t the information. It’s the psychology. Feedback signals hierarchy. It reminds employees that someone is judging them. That subtle power dynamic can trigger stress and defensiveness — making people less open, less reflective, and less willing to change. When people feel threatened, they don’t improve. They protect themselves. They may: * Downplay the credibility of the feedback giver * Dismiss the feedback itself * Avoid future interaction to protect their self-esteem In other words, feedback often activates ego defense instead of growth. What if change doesn’t begin with telling people what to fix — but with listening? High-quality listening — attentive, empathic, non-judgmental — creates a radically different psychological climate. Rather than signaling, “You need to change,” listening communicates, “You are safe to explore. This idea echoes psychologist Carl Rogers’ insight from 1952: people change not when they are corrected, but when they feel deeply understood. And the data supports it. Listening lowers defensiveness. When people feel psychologically safe, they: * Reflect more honestly on strengths and weaknesses * Consider multiple perspectives * Share rather than compete * Seek understanding instead of validation In short: listening supports self-driven change. Feedback often provokes resistance. Listening invites growth. If listening is so powerful, why don’t managers do more of it? Three barriers consistently show up: 1. Fear of losing power Some leaders worry listening makes them look weak. In reality, research shows strong listeners gain prestige through admiration — not intimidation. 2. Time pressure Listening requires attention. Attention requires time. Many managers listen while distracted — which neutralizes the benefit. 3. Fear of what they might discover Deep listening can disrupt assumptions. Managers often learn things that challenge their narratives — struggling employees caring for dying spouses, hidden burdens, untold stress. Real listening can create cognitive dissonance. And that can be uncomfortable.

Each post we share is a conversation inviting others to speak. Much like real-life conversations, if we want to be understood - we need to follow certain principles. Have you ever wondered why some conversations (posts) leave you feeling understood while others simply don't? The answer lies in how we communicate. The Cooperative Principle, developed by British philosopher Paul Grice, provides a framework for effective communication: 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝘾𝙤𝙤𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙋𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙘𝙞𝙥𝙡𝙚 → Goal: To communicate effectively so that the speaker is understood and the listener understands. → Basic Rule: Make your contributions appropriate to the context of the conversation. 𝙂𝙧𝙞𝙘𝙚 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙛𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙢𝙖𝙭𝙞𝙢𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙜𝙪𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝙪𝙨: 1. Maxim of Quantity: Provide enough information for others to understand, but not too much to cause confusion. 2. Maxim of Quality: Speak truthfully. Avoid misleading information. 3. Maxim of Relevance: Keep your content relevant to the topic. 4. Maxim of Manner: Be clear. Avoid unnecessary complexity and be logical. If each post is a conversation, it must embody these maxims. 𝙇𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧 Much like in a real-life conversation, we need to provide space for others to "speak." This means making it easy and inviting for people to share their thoughts: → Ask Questions: End your posts with questions that encourage responses. → Invite Feedback: Encourage others to share their opinions and experiences. → Engage: Respond to comments and create a dialogue. Show that you value others' input. By treating each post as a meaningful exchange, we not only communicate more effectively but also build stronger connections with our audience. To be understood, speak truthfully and relevantly, be clear and concise and be open for an exchange. Which of these maxims do you find most challenging to apply in your content or real life conversations?

Do you know why some leaders inspire while others merely manage? The difference is active listening. Leadership isn’t a one-way street. It’s a dialogue: a continuous exchange that strengthens teams, builds trust, and fuels growth. And it all begins with active listening. Leaders who listen inspire their teams to give their best. Research shows just how much listening matters: Gallup reports that employees who feel heard are 4.6 times more likely to perform at their best. On the flip side, poor listening accounts for 60% of workplace misunderstandings and errors. Here’s what I focus on to ensure I’m leading with my ears as much as my words: ✅ Put distractions aside: Phones down, laptops closed. When someone speaks, my attention is fully theirs. ✅ Ask open-ended questions: Ones that go beyond surface answers and invite deeper perspectives. ✅ Engage visibly: I make eye contact, nod, and use small cues to show I’m following along and valuing each word. These might seem like small habits, but they make a big impact. They build trust and make people feel valued, and it’s something I believe every leader should adopt. Listening is the bedrock of genuine leadership. When your team knows their voices matter, you foster a culture of innovation, collaboration, and growth. Because, ultimately, leaders who don’t listen will eventually surround themselves with people who have nothing to say. #ActiveListening #InspiringTeams #EmployeeEngagement #CultureOfTrust

I've noticed a trend where people listen just to respond, which is far from ideal. Whether in meetings, events, or casual conversations, dealing with people who don’t listen is both challenging and frustrating. I’ve seen this countless times, and I've become adept at recognizing when someone is no longer truly engaged, even if they're physically present. Why does this happen? ➊ Lack of interest ➋ Short attention span ➌ Habit of multitasking ➍ Assuming they already know the answer Whatever the reason, this lack of focus hampers meaningful conversations and leaves others feeling insignificant or unimportant. When you don’t truly understand, how can you connect or find the right solution? ---> Takeaway Listen to genuinely understand what others are saying. This means striving to grasp the speaker's perspective and emotions, not just crafting a response. In workplaces, this kind of listening is transformative. - Leaders who listen understand their teams better. - Teams that listen collaborate more effectively. It's the secret to fostering a supportive and innovative work environment. How to listen to understand? - Be fully present. - Acknowledge the other party's point of view. - Ask open-ended questions to encourage elaboration. - Use emotional intelligence to interpret non-verbal cues, body language, and tone. - Employ pauses and silence to give the other person time to reflect and respond. The benefits of listening to understand are immense: - Fostering empathy - Deepening mutual respect - Building genuine connections - Enhancing problem-solving and collaboration So, the next time you're in a conversation… Stop Trying to Fix Things, Just Listen. You might be surprised by the insights you gain and the connections you build. #Empathy #Communication #Leadership

Listening is a skill I’ve never truly mastered I tend to fill silences when I should leave space. I often jump to making suggestions instead of asking questions. I sometimes wonder if I focus more on what I’ll say next rather than truly hearing what’s being said. These are weaknesses. But tackling a weakness can only happen once you accept it. And now I am working on it. Because being a better listener isn’t just about being polite — it’s essential for building trust, understanding others, and making better decisions. So here’s what I’m trying to do to get better: 1. Pausing for 3 seconds before responding. 🤫 It’s hard for me to pause purposefully, but research shows that leaving a small gap rather than filling it encourages the other person to elaborate. 2. Maintaining eye contact — but not too much. Looking away occasionally makes people feel less pressured and more open. Which is of course what I want. 3. Making an effort to ask open-ended questions instead of giving advice. Offering unsolicited solutions is a bad habit, just ask anyone I work with. “Can you tell me more about that?” works better than jumping in with advice that starts with me saying: “If I was you this is what I’d do…” 4. Summarising what I’ve heard to check my understanding. Saying “What I’m hearing is…” helps clarify miscommunication and shows I’ve been paying attention. It’s one of the techniques I learned from master negotiator Chris Voss’ books. 🤔 5. Physically removing distractions. If music is on in the background I turn it off or down. And putting my phone out of sight and out of reach makes an immediate difference in how present I am with people. Being a better listener takes effort — it’s about being intentional and patient. I’m still a very long way from perfect, but progress matters more than perfection. What’s one thing you’ve done to become a better listener? I’m all ears!

UNPOPULAR OPINION: Most people think they're good listeners. They're not. And it's costing them everything 👇🏼 Our inability to do it is destroying our relationships, our businesses, and our ability to solve actual problems. A friend who's an IT executive at a high-profile tech company told me something that stopped me cold: "The difference between good engineers and great engineers isn't intelligence. It's whether they can get to the root of the issue. Because without understanding the core problem, you can spend millions of dollars and endless energy solving the wrong thing." And we're doing this every single day in our conversations. 📉 That argument with your partner that keeps happening. You're probably solving the wrong problem. 📉 That project at work that's spinning its wheels? Someone missed what the actual issue was. 📉 That friend who keeps pulling away. You never heard what they were actually trying to tell you. We optimized for speed and got misunderstanding. We chose quick comprehension over deep understanding. In return, we've gotten: • Broken relationships • Failed projects. • Wasted years solving problems that were never the real problem. Honestly, the most effective people I know aren't the fastest listeners... they're the most thorough ones. They ask the question that makes you stop and think. They're willing to look slow because they know that understanding the wrong thing quickly is the most expensive mistake you can make. Let's kill this "active listening" performance once and for all. You know what real listening looks like? ✅It looks like being willing to be completely wrong about what you thought someone meant. ✅It looks like asking questions that slow the conversation down instead of speeding it up. ✅It looks like caring more about understanding than about being understood. My life changed when I stopped trying to listen faster and started trying to be wrong more often. The best question I've learned to ask: "Can you say more about that?" Not because I'm being polite. Because I know that what I think I heard is probably not what they meant. I say all of this to say that everything in life has a trade-off. Surface-level listening is easy and efficient. Deep listening is slow and demands something from you. Before you rush to respond, get really really clear on the trade-off you're making. And if your relationships currently lack depth, maybe the cure isn't better communication skills... maybe it's actually caring enough to understand what's really being said. Maybe it's not "active listening" we should be aiming for. Maybe it's courageous listening. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest. It's been on my chest since that conversation with my friend. I'm keen to hear your honest opinion 👇🏼 - when was the last time someone really listened to you? What did they do differently?

One of the core principles is the difference between listening and truly hearing. On the left, the brick represents how most of us listen—just enough to prepare a response. This type of listening, where we're more focused on what we want to say next, creates barriers and limits genuine communication. It's about being in our own head, defending our own viewpoint, and missing the opportunity to connect. On the right, the sponge symbolises a different kind of listening—one aligned with honest principle of being present and open to what others are saying. Here, listening isn't just about the words spoken; it's about truly understanding the context, emotions, and intentions behind those words. This approach transforms conversations, allowing for breakthroughs and deeper understanding. I believe, this shift in listening—from responding to understanding—opens up new possibilities in our relationships, our work, and our lives. By listening like the sponge, we create space for others to be fully heard, which leads to more authentic and powerful connections.

𝗧𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝗬𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝗧𝗼𝗼 𝗤𝘂𝗶𝗲𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀? 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝗔𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻 🤔 The people I've enjoyed talking to most aren't glossy social butterflies, but those who relish in personal dialogue, diving deeper beneath the surface connection. Truth be told - I've had my fair share of conversational mishaps earlier in my career as a younger sales professional - struggling to engage in any meaningful conversations beyond the weather, & I was left being perceived as an order-taker. 🙈 This seems to be a common problem as these questions keep surfacing in my sessions with sales teams: ❓ Initiating Contact: How do I start a conversation with someone new? ❓ Maintaining Flow: What to do when I run out of things to say? ❓ Building Rapport: How can I connect with someone of a different level? After 12 years in this field, I've discovered the uncomfortable truth – extroverts don't own the monopoly on great conversations. The magic really happens when you're genuinely curious about someone who is different. ☝️ My point? The best conversationalists aren't smooth-talkers – they're the ones who 𝘀𝗵𝘂𝘁 𝘂𝗽 𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗲𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻 & 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗲𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗮𝗴𝗲. Here are some quick bites to nibble on: ✅ Light & Casual - Not everyone opens up at hello. It's not rejection—it's human nature. Keep it light. Aim to connect as a friend rather than impress with your knowledge. The pressure drops, conversation flows. ✅ Genuine curiosity beats performative interest - We can smell fake enthusiasm like week-old sushi. Probe a little rather than topic-hop, which feels like channel surfing. Dive deeper into topic with open-ended questions. ✅ Acknowledge before moving on - No one enjoys conversational whiplash. A simple "That's interesting" before continuing keeps the connection alive. Convo 101: people need to feel heard before they'll share more. ✅ Self-disclosure opens up reciprocity - Share something genuine about yourself—a challenge, an honest insight. Vulnerability invites vulnerability at the RIGHT stage. PS - first meeting is NOT a therapy session. ✅ Engage on emotion, not just information - When someone's communication cue changes, lean in. Ask yourself, "What's this person feeling?" Respond to that & see shallow exchanges become a real connection. So here's to all the "quiet ones" who are actually conversation connoisseurs in disguise. May your next interaction prove that the best dialogues aren't about who talks the most, but who connects the most meaningfully. 🤔 What conversation strategies helps you connect more deeply with people? #EmotionalIntelligence #SalesEQ #Connections This is Cindy Tien, EQ Maven, CSP - Inspiring Sales & Leadership Teams to Strengthen Connections, Conquer Challenges, & Claim their Messages.