How To Make Small Talk With Strangers At Events

I'm an introvert who goes to a lot of networking events. Here's what actually works for me. Step 1: Give a genuine compliment. Notice something real about them and say it out loud. Their watch. Their jacket. The way they carry themselves across the room. People remember how you made them feel, and this is how you start on the right foot. Step 2: Ask one question. Then shut up. "How did you find this event?" That one question tells you everything: who they know, what industry they're in, why they showed up. But more importantly, it tells you who they are. Then just listen. Step 3: Pull on a thread. Be curious. You don't need to be funny. You just need to be human. Take something they shared and respond to it naturally. Now it's a conversation, not an interrogation. Step 4: Only share when they ask. When they do, I keep it simple: I'm a photographer lucky enough to make a living doing what I love. And now I help other creatives do the same, because I believe in community. That's it. No elevator pitch. Step 5: Find them online. LinkedIn or Instagram. If they're on either, great. You get to keep learning about them through what they're already sharing with the world. If not, ask for an email. And if not even that, thank them for making the event better just by being there. Introverts don't need to learn how to be louder. We just need a framework that plays to our greatest strength: actually caring about the person in front of us.

Early in my career, I started going to networking events, and as friendly and extroverted as I am, they always made me nervous. People already knew each other and, even worse, I was often one of the few vendors in the room (cue the Jaws music). But a few things changed these events for me - 1. How can I help? - I found networking was easier when I had a task, so I joined a Legal Marketing Association committee, a vertical I'd chosen to focus on. Suddenly, I had tasks that let me get to know a few of the members that then snowballed into easier networking. I ended up serving four years on the DC board as well and making some of my best friends along the way. - As a speaker, I want the chance to network with the attendees, so upon check in, I ask, "Do you need a pair of hands for something?" It lets me be part of the action, while also helping my pursuit of being different - I suspect it's a rarity that a speaker offers to be of extra help. 2. Ask questions, make intros. In a booth? When they pop into your booth, you're the host, make them feel welcome. Use my trick of getting a peek at their name tag, too - "Hi, I'm Sam, how's it going?!...oh sorry, I didn't quite catch your name" (squints at name and company politely). Then, find a way to show them you know them by connecting dots on their co. or location, or simply say, "Thanks for swinging by our booth - do you much about us or is there anything I can help with?" At happy hour and don't know a soul? Look for the equally "ugh, who can I talk to?" nervous person and befriend them. "Hi! I'm just going to come over because it ALSO looks like you know no one here - I'm Sam!" ^^ask questions - people love to talk about themselves. 😉 Steer away from "What do you do" and find a way to focus on them/event. "Where are you coming in from?" "What session are you most excited for tomorrow?" "What did you think of Sam's keynote this morning, brilliant, right?!" 😏 Talking to a new friend and see the old friend walking by? Make eye contact and pull that person in to help them make new contacts. "Oh, here comes Mary, do you know her?...Mary, hi! Come meet Bill!" All the above will make people want to talk more to you and include you in invites because they know you can help them socialize and bring energy into a room. Bonus: In a conversation you're desperate to get out of... My go to: "Would you excuse me for a minute, I need to run to the restroom" and hope they don't say, "Me too! I'll go with you!" 😉 3. Don't talk about your own work when speaking with existing prospective clients. I know this sounds counterintuitive, but if I see someone I've been prospecting or that's in an active deal cycle, the last thing I want them to think is that every time I approach I'm doing so with a pitch (see Jaws music from above). So, I make it about building our relationship, getting to know them and doing most of what's above in point 2. If they want to talk work, they'll let me know. #samsales

How to Avoid Awkwardness While Networking: Tackling the Big Topic of Small Talk 🤝   You're invited to a two-hour networking event with 10 very senior leaders, either from your organization or from an organization where you’d love to work. You’re one of only 30 individuals hand-picked to attend. It’s taking place in a formal setting, you’ve seen the roster of people attending, and you only know two of them.   Be honest: on a scale from 1 ("Don’t make me go!") to 10 ("Networking? Fun!"), where do you rank? 🤔 I’ve asked this question to hundreds of people over the years, and most leaders dread networking. Why? The awkwardness of small talk. Yet, small talk is a simple thing that can make a big difference—in both personal rapport and professional relationships.   What IS small talk anyway, and why does it feel so awkward? Small talk is simply a *casual conversation*, but it serves an important purpose: 🤗 Humanizes conversations 🗣️ Builds rapport 🧊 Breaks the ice to get to meaningful discussions 💪 Leads to stronger relationships   Why does small talk matter? 🤝 People do business with people they like. 🤝 Team leaders hire people they connect with and trust. 🤝 Clients stick with businesses because they appreciate and enjoy working with the people who support them. So… why do we dread small talk so much? 🤷♂️ Usually, it’s the fear of not knowing what to say. In our tech-driven world, we can lose the art of face-to-face connection.   But the good news is: Small talk is a learned skill. 🎓 SIX TIPS TO MASTER SMALL TALK:   1. MAKE IT ABOUT THEM. Focus on making the other person feel comfortable and heard—it’s not about you, it’s about creating a connection.   2. ARM YOURSELF WITH OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS. Have 5-10 questions handy, all which start with “what” and “how,” that can work in different situations / with different people.   3. USE YOUR OBSERVATION SKILLS. Notice details about the room, the event, or the person you’re speaking with—these are great conversation starters.   4. BE PREPARED & MINDFUL. Think about how you want to be in the moment—approachable, curious, and confident—not just what you’ll say or do.   5. BE GENUINELY CURIOUS. Show authentic interest in others. Approach conversations with the mindset of learning something new from the person in front of you.   6. LISTEN FOR COMMON GROUND. To find commonalities and build rapport, pay attention to what the other person says and relate it to your own experience. *Master Small Talk, Master Networking*   🚀 The more interest you show in others, the more interesting you become to them. And when you focus on making small talk less about you and more about the other person, it feels a whole lot less awkward—and a lot more impactful. 🚀   What’s your favorite go-to, open-ended question to ask at a networking event? Share in the comments—let’s trade ideas! #Networking #SmallTalk #JobSearchTips #CareerDevelopment #CareerSuccess Thinkers50 Global Gurus 100 Coaches Agency

A SWE landed an interview at Capital One from a networking event. Not because he was the most outgoing person in the room. And not because he had a stacked resume. But because he came prepared. He knew what to say. Who to talk to. What questions to ask. He connected with several new people at the event. And one of them referred him to an open position 2 weeks later. Here's a simple guide so you can do the same: 1. 𝗨𝘀𝗲 𝗠𝗲𝗲𝘁𝘂𝗽 𝗼𝗿 𝗘𝘃𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗯𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂. → It's easier to talk when you actually care about the topic. Prioritize recurring meetings in your area. But one-off meetings are fine, too. 2. 𝗟𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻𝘁. → Check for Discord groups, Slack channels, or public guest lists. Shoot them a short message on LinkedIn like: "Saw you're attending [Event Name] next week. Would love to connect!" And chat with them a bit before the event. Seeing a familiar face makes it easier to break the ice. 3. 𝗣𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 "𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗱𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗼?" → Most people respond with a job title and a company. BORING. Have an elevator pitch ready that sparks curiosity. "𝘐 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘦-𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘤𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘤𝘬𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘴 𝘱𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘵𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨." Now they have a reason to ask: "How are you doing that?" "What tech stack are you using?" 4. 𝗕𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝘀𝗸 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺. → Good conversations come from interest in others. • What were you hoping to get out of the event? • Was there anyone specific you were hoping to meet? • What's the most interesting project you've worked on lately? 5. 𝗚𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗰𝘁 𝗶𝗻𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻. → A great conversation means nothing if you never see them again. Connect on LinkedIn or get their phone or email. Whatever they're comfortable sharing. Make it easy to stay in touch. 6. 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝘂𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 → The event is just an introduction. Send a follow up ASAP. Plan a coffee chat or set up a virtual meeting. If there's overlap, collaborate on something interesting. That's how real relationships are built. 𝗧𝗮𝗸𝗲𝗮𝘄𝗮𝘆: Networking doesn't always reward extroverted people. It rewards people who show up with a plan. Try this at your next event. Let me know how it goes. P.S. Have you ever built a connection from a networking event?

If you meet me at a networking event... and your opening line is: “So… what do you do?” Please try harder. Because I'm going to assume: 1. You aren't interested in a connection 2. You’re waiting to pitch. Try these instead: 1. “What's interesting in your world these days” 2. “How'd you end up at a networking event like this on a Tuesday night?" (with a little smile when you say it) 3. “Have you had any interesting conversations here tonight?” Open the door to real conversations. Show curiosity and interest. Listen more. Then... provide value. Example: Two weeks ago, I met someone who helps business owners exit, and later, I heard of someone interested in buying a small business. I made sure to connect the two. Immediate value for me? Maybe zero – but you never know what can come from a relationship. A little curiosity, some listening, and a follow-up action helped forge one.

Dreading small talk is keeping you in small talk. Here's how to actually get deeper. (Hint, you've got to earn it): Yesterday, a friend asked how I approach small talk. I hadn’t thought about it in a while. It's something I used to dread (publicly). But my opinion has evolved. Because, the more I sit with it, the more I realize: Small talk is boring when you treat it as boring. A reinforcing loop because then you don’t look for opportunities to go beyond the surface. So, now I see small talk as a foot in the door, a chance to get deeper, if you give a little attention and care. Here’s what I told my friend: 1. 𝗕𝗲 𝗱𝗶𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁 There are questions we’re all going to be asked: • “How was your weekend?” • “What do you do for work?” • “Watched anything good lately?” And most will have the same canned, dispassionate responses. Which means, you can easily be different. Take the “how are you?” question. Teach yourself to say anything but “good.” My frequent short answers are “great”, “just dandy”, or “fantastic.” And even when it’s not my best day, I've learned to mean it. 2. 𝗚𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗮 𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗮 𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲 Small talk feels dull when both people act like interviewers. Ask, answer. Ask, answer. Move on. Instead, treat it like you care. Someone asks me: “How are you?” I could say: “Good.” Or I could say: “Feeling great. Got a surf in this morning, sipping my coffee, and riding the energy.” That one sentence gives us 3 new doors to walk through: • Surfing • Routines • Coffee And look, they don’t have to take the bait, but at least you cast a line. 3. 𝗟𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗰𝘂𝗲𝘀 When conversations bounce from 10 topics in 10 minutes, they get exhausting. It’s an interrogation, not a conversation. Instead, look for signals for where to go deeper. → Does there pace increase when they talk about work? Is that excitement? → Did their eyebrows flash when you mentioned Europe? Have they been? → They mentioned their dog twice, maybe I should ask about it? Depth wins. Learn where to dig. 4. 𝗔𝘀𝗸 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗯𝗮𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗼𝗻 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗳𝗮𝗰𝘁 Most people ask about ‘what.’ Try asking about why and how it feels. Instead of: • “How long have you worked there?” Try: • “What do you love most about what you do?” • “What made you choose to move here?” • “What’s something you’ve been fascinated by lately?” You’re not mining for information. You’re asking to learn about who they are. These aren’t tricks. They’re invitations. ⸻ Small talk is a door. Connection is on the other side. But, the door doesn’t open with a bad attitude and one-word answers. The key is a blend of being interesting and more importantly, being interested.

👻👻 A (professional) introvert's guide to making Networking Events Less Spooky 👻👻 If you fear networking events, copy my playbook. True story: I fear "networking events" on multiple levels. If biz dev wasn't part of my role with Remedy Public Relations, I'd be happy with a more behind-the-scenes role mentoring & strategizing (#careergoals). How do I make it "seem" easy? Preparation & strategy. 1. Show up EARLY. It's easier to strike up a conversation at the beginning than try to inject yourself after. 2. Be distinct. I like to wear one piece of flair that relates to who I am outside the office. My long-distance running shoes (Nike Zoom Fly Five / Hyper Pink), are a conversation starter. ⛳️ Do you play golf? Wear a golf shirt from a brand that only fellow golfers would know. IYKYK 3. Don't rush in. Whenever possible, I'll work remotely near the event. This gives me time to relax & collect myself before walking in. 4. Don't ask what someone does. That's transactional & many fear that question if they're between roles. Ask what they're up to. Let them choose the path. 5. Talk to everyone. I HATE the term referral partners, but I've received some great leads from people far removed from PR & marketing. 6. Plan to chat. Prepare to discuss something you're working on that you're excited about. - No one likes someone who only talks about their job. Be prepared to get personal. What did you do the weekend before that was exciting, or what are you looking forward to this weekend? Sound obvious? Sure… but I can barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday, so if you put me on the spot, I may forget if I didn't prepare. 7. Slide into those DMs. See who registered you want to meet & drop them a note. No list? Check who posted about going to the last event on social media. Drop them a note. 8. What's a challenge you or your industry is facing? Keep that in mind for conversations. 9. Work on your penmanship. If you have to write your own nametag at an event, it helps if people can read it. We also have little Remedy PR stickers to throw at the bottom of the nametags. Side note: Jonah Peake 🐺 has posted before about putting your nametag upside down to spark conversations. 10. Check your network to see who is going, but don't cling to them. I saw a lot of people I know & like at Connect's #IDSD24 a few weeks back, but I didn't sit with anyone too long. Move around. 11. Consistency brings comfort. Commit to a regular series of events so you start seeing some of the same people. It will make conversations less daunting & keep you in mind for later. 12. Stress builds strength. I try to commit to one new event or meeting a month that takes me outside my bubble. Makes the next one easier. 13. Drop a line to them after you meet. Keep the ball moving. Some pics below of people I met for the first time or strengthened relationships by going to networking events within the last six weeks. Kanani, Robyn Goldberg, Jason, Lu, Scott, Susan.

I love great conversations. I love meeting interesting people, hearing their stories, and learning what drives them. What I hate is the first 60 seconds of meeting someone new. The awkward handshake. The forced smile. The “So, what do you do?” followed by fumbling small talk while both of you quietly wonder when you can politely escape. For years, I thought this tension meant I was bad at networking. It turns out I just didn’t understand the role small talk plays. Here’s how my thinking has changed: *Small talk isn’t a waste of time. It’s the bridge* Dr. Alison Wood Brooks, who teaches one of HBS’ most popular communication courses, puts it simply: small talk is how every meaningful conversation begins. You can’t skip it. But you can get better at it. Once I stopped resenting small talk, it stopped feeling so heavy. *Prepare, even for casual encounters.* The most natural conversationalists aren’t winging it. They’ve thought ahead. Before a meeting or event, I now spend a few minutes jotting down a couple of things I want to share about myself and a few questions I want to ask. That small bit of preparation removes the mental scramble and makes the first moments feel less awkward. *Stop trying to be interesting. Be interested.* This is Brooks’ core insight, and it’s the one that changed everything for me. Ask questions, and then ask follow-up questions. Focus on the other person, not yourself. Curiosity is what turns small talk into real conversation. *Flip the script* Try skipping the obvious questions. At a conference speaker’s cocktail hour, I once opened new conversations with, “What’s the most interesting thing you do outside of work?” I confused a few people at first; there were pauses and stumbles. Then something great happened: the conversations became personal, open, and genuinely fun. It made my night, and I hope it made theirs too. *Use a framework when you're stuck.* When I'm put on the spot or don't know what to say, I rely on Vinh Giang's 3-2-1 rule: frame your response as ‘three steps’, ‘two types’, or ‘one thing’. The structure prevents rambling and helps you sound clear and confident, even when you're improvising. If someone asks, "Where do you like to go on vacation?" you could say: "I'm drawn to two types of trips: active trips skiing or hiking, or vacations where I just unplug on a beach somewhere." Or you could say: "One thing I look for is great food, whether it's bistros in Paris or farm-to-table in Vermont." Clear, structured, and complete. It feels forced at first, but with a little practice, constraining yourself that way helps you come across as clear and articulate, and gets conversation flowing. I still don’t love the first 60 seconds. But now I have a way through it. And on the other side is exactly what I wanted all along: real conversation with interesting people. What helps you get through small talk and into meaningful conversation?

7 Icebreakers That Actually Work At Networking Events: 1. “What’s Something Exciting You’re Working On?” This is so much better than "So, what do you do?" This shows genuine curiosity and invites people to talk about what matters to them. You’ll often uncover hidden projects, side hustles, or cool trends in their industry. 2. “What Inspired You To Attend This Event?” This question gets past the surface quickly and helps you understand their goals. And that gives you a window to offer meaningful value. This shows genuine curiosity and invites people to talk about what matters to them. You’ll often uncover hidden projects, side hustles, or cool trends in their industry. 3. “How Did You Get Into Your Field?” People love telling their origin story. It gives them a chance to reflect and helps you learn something valuable. Bonus: It opens the door to career path tips or industry insights. Use it to start meaningful convos instead of awkward intros. 4. “What’s A Challenge You’re Facing Right Now?” This one is powerful if asked appropriately. Frame it lightly, “anything you’re trying to figure out these days?” If you can help them solve it or connect them to someone who can? They’ll owe you one big time. 5. “What’s Something People Misunderstand About Your Role?” This sparks a surprisingly fun convo, especially with folks in niche or technical roles. It lets them vent (in a good way) and gives you interesting insights. Plus, it shows you care enough to go deeper than surface-level stuff. 6. “Who Should I Meet Before I Leave?” This is a networking power move. It creates a flywheel where every conversation turns into two. And it helps narrow the focus of your networking to the people who matter most. Bonus: Ask them if they’d be willing to make an introduction! 7. Comment On The Moment If all else fails, comment on what’s around you or a potential shared experience from the event. “Did you try the [insert snack or drink]? Surprisingly good for one of these events.” “Not sure how I feel about these name tags, kind of feel like I'm at prom.” Humor = connection. —— ➕ Follow Austin Belcak for more 🔵 Ready to land your dream job? Click here to learn more about how we help people land amazing jobs in ~3.5 months with a $44k raise: https://lnkd.in/gdysHr-r

🧠 We’re criminally underestimating the psychological power of strangers. Here’s what the research reveals: Humans are spectacularly bad at predicting social experiences. Scientists at University of Chicago (Juliana Schroeder Nicholas Epley) threw strangers together for either surface-level chitchat (“What’s your favorite pizza topping?”) or deep conversations (“What belief do you hold that your friends think is insane?”). The results? People catastrophized both scenarios beforehand but were wildly wrong about the meaningful exchanges. We consistently underestimate how much joy, connection, and life satisfaction comes from real interactions with people we don’t know. Translation: We’re avoiding the exact conversations that make us feel alive. This isn’t just feel-good psychology fluff. These micro-moments of human connection are performance-enhancing drugs for your nervous system. Better mood, increased resilience, expanded worldview from 3 minutes with a stranger. The problem? Most of us treat strangers like NPCs in a video game. Transactional. Scripted. Boring. The opportunity? Every stranger is a locked door, but we never jiggle the handle. Here’s how to create magic with anyone: 🔹 Lead with curiosity, not scripts – Ask about their weirdest day, their secret superpower, what nobody thanks them for 🔹 Use playful specificity – Don’t say “thanks.” Say “You’re a wizard in work boots” 🔹 Recognize they’re the main character. It’s more than fine to be part of the supporting cast. In fact, sometimes it’s better. No pressure. An opportunity to observe and savor and relish the novelty. 🔹 Be worth interacting with – Want better service? Be a better human. Want more kindness? Give it without calculating ROI (for you Deloitte buzzword fantatics). Every playful interaction with a stranger is a small rebellion against a world that wants us isolated and transactional. My challenge: This week, jiggle a handle. Ask one real question. Give one specific compliment that makes someone’s day. You’ll be shocked how many doors open. What’s the most memorable interaction you’ve had with a stranger? Share it below. In a new world of leadership authoritarianism and politically motivated extremism and ostracism, we need more evidence that humans are still worth the risk. Full article link 🔗 in the first comment (on being a social meteorologist!)