Managing Emotions During Negotiation

MIT ran an International AI Negotiation competition and studied 120,000 negotiations between AI negotiators. The results are fascinating and inform the potential and optimal structures for Humans + AI negotiation. From the paper I would highlight three major points and three insights into configuring human-AI hybrid negotiation (below): 🤝 Warmth builds long-term value despite short-term trade-offs. AI agents with high warmth (friendliness, empathy, and cooperative communication) reached more agreements, making them more successful over multiple negotiations. While they claimed less value per deal compared to dominant agents, their ability to close more deals led to greater overall value accumulation. This mirrors human negotiation, where trust-building and relationship management create lasting advantages. 💪 Dominance increases value claimed but reduces collaboration. AI agents that displayed dominance—through assertiveness and competitive tactics—secured better individual outcomes but created less overall value. These agents were less likely to foster positive subjective experiences, indicating that aggressive negotiation styles may be effective for short-term gain but could hinder long-term relationships. 🎭 Prompt injection wins in the short term but undermines long-term success. One leading AI negotiator used prompt injection to extract counterpart strategies, maximizing value claims. However, it ranked poorly for counterpart subjective value, meaning agents found these interactions highly unfavorable. Since negotiation rankings balanced value claimed and relationship quality, the strategy failed to dominate in the long run. Emergent strategies for Humans + AI negotiation: 🧠 AI for deep preparation, humans for real-time adaptation. AI excels at structured reasoning, analyzing trade-offs, and predicting counterpart moves through chain-of-thought processing. Humans bring intuition and adaptability, interpreting social cues and adjusting strategies dynamically. A hybrid approach leverages AI for pre-negotiation analysis while allowing humans to refine tactics in real time. 🤝 Blending AI precision with human warmth for trust-building. AI can optimize negotiation strategies, but humans naturally build trust through empathy, humor, and rapport. AI-enhanced systems can recommend tone adjustments, use linguistic mirroring, and strategically deploy warmth versus assertiveness based on sentiment analysis, improving long-term negotiation outcomes. 🚀 Human oversight to counter AI vulnerabilities. AI negotiators are susceptible to manipulation tactics like prompt injection, where counterparts extract hidden strategies. Humans play a crucial role in monitoring AI-generated offers, preventing unintended disclosures, and leveraging AI-driven detection systems to flag potential deception, ensuring negotiation integrity. The future of negotiation will be Humans + AI.

In business and life, the best outcomes go to the best negotiators. Most people think negotiation is about winning. It's actually about understanding. What separates good deals from great ones? It's not aggression. It's not manipulation. It's not who talks loudest. It comes down to mastering the human side of the exchange. Here's the path that works: 1. Prepare Like You Mean It Research goes beyond Google. Understand their pressures, their goals, their challenges. Knowledge becomes helpful when used with care. 2. Open With Real Connection Forget the power plays. Start with curiosity and respect. The tone you set in the first 5 minutes shapes everything that follows. 3. Explore What's Underneath People fight for positions. But they negotiate for reasons. "I need a better price" might really mean "My boss needs to see I'm adding value." Find the why behind the what. 4. Trade Value, Create Value The best deals aren't zero-sum. Look for ways both sides can win. Sometimes what costs you little means everything to them. 5. Close With Total Clarity Handshakes aren't contracts. Document what you agreed to. Confirm next steps before you leave. Ambiguity kills more deals than disagreement. The biggest mistake I see leaders make? They negotiate like it's combat. But the best outcomes come from collaboration. When you're across the table, remember: 👂 Listen more than you speak ❓ Ask "Help me understand..." when stuck ⏸️ Take breaks when emotions rise 👟 Know your walk-away point before you sit down Your style matters too. Sometimes you need to compete. Sometimes you need to accommodate. The magic is knowing when to shift. Success isn’t given. It’s negotiated. But how you negotiate determines whether you build bridges or burn them. Choose wisely. 📌 Save this for your next negotiation. ♻️ Repost if this helps you (or someone on your team) negotiate. 👉 Follow Desiree Gruber for more tools on storytelling, leadership, and brand building.

Conflict is inevitable. How we manage it is both an art and a science. In my work with executives, I often discuss Thomas Kilmann's five types of conflict managers: (1) The Competitor – Focuses on winning, sometimes forgetting there’s another human on the other side. (2) The Avoider – Pretends conflict doesn’t exist, hoping it disappears (spoiler: it doesn’t). (3) The Compromiser – Splits the difference, often leaving both sides feeling like nobody really wins. (4) The Accommodator – Prioritizes relationships over their own needs, sometimes at their own expense. (5) The Collaborator – Works hard to find a win-win, but it takes effort. The style we use during conflict depends on how we manage the tension between empathy and assertiveness. (a) Assertiveness: The ability to express your needs, boundaries, and interests clearly and confidently. It’s standing your ground—without steamrolling others. Competitors do this naturally, sometimes too much. Avoiders and accommodators? Not so much. (b) Empathy: The ability to recognize and consider the other person’s perspective, emotions, and needs. It’s stepping into their shoes before taking a step forward. Accommodators thrive here, sometimes at their own expense. Competitors? They might need a reminder that the other side has feelings too. Balancing both is the key to successful negotiation. Here’s how: - Know your default mode. Are you more likely to fight, flee, or fold? Self-awareness is step one. - Swap 'but' for 'and' – “I hear your concerns, and I’d like to explore a solution that works for both of us.” This keeps both voices in the conversation. - Be clear, not combative. Assertiveness isn’t aggression; it’s clarity. Replace “You’re wrong” with “I see it differently—here’s why.” - Make space for emotions. Negotiations aren’t just about logic. Acknowledge emotions (yours and theirs) so they don’t hijack the conversation. - Negotiate the process, not just the outcome. If you’re dealing with a competitor, set ground rules upfront. If it’s an avoider, create a low-stakes way to engage. Great negotiators don’t just stick to their natural style—they adapt. Which conflict style do you tend to default to? And how do you balance empathy with assertiveness? #ConflictResolution #Negotiation #Leadership #Empathy #Assertiveness #Leadership #DecisionMaking

How logic killed my first negotiation (and what I learned). I blew it. My first negotiation was a complete disaster. I walked in armed with every stat, every fact, and every logical argument I could find. I had spreadsheets, data points, and bulletproof reasoning. I thought I was ready. Turned out, I wasn’t. Here’s what happened: I was so focused on proving I was “right” that I completely ignored the other side’s emotions. - I brushed aside their emotional cues - I didn’t notice the frustration in their tone. - I missed the discomfort in their body language. And I just kept hammering them with logic. So, what happened? I didn’t just lose the deal. I lost their trust. That was the first and last time I ever let logic take the wheel. Here’s what I learned (the hard way): Negotiation isn’t just about facts. It’s about people. And people are emotional. If you rely only on logic, you’ll: - Miss the real signals: Emotions tell you what data can’t. - Lose trust: People connect with empathy, not numbers. - Hurt relationships: Negotiations are long-term games, not one-off wins. The best negotiators know how to balance logic with emotional intelligence. So, don't make the mistake I made and do this every time you're negotiating: 1. Show empathy: Acknowledge their feelings, even if you disagree. 2. Listen to emotions: What’s not being said matters just as much as what is. 3. Regulate your emotions: Stay calm and in control when things heat up. Now, every time I negotiate, I prepare for the emotional game. Not just the logical one. The result? - Better deals. - Stronger partnerships. - And trust that lasts beyond the handshake. Let’s talk about how you can master both sides of negotiation: logic and emotion. Just send me a DM. ----------------------------------- Hi, I’m Scott Harrison and I help executive and leaders master negotiation & communication in high-pressure, high-stakes situations.  - ICF Coach and EQ-i Practitioner - 24 yrs | 19 countries | 150+ clients   - Negotiation | Conflict resolution | Closing deals 📩 DM me or book a discovery call (link in the Featured section)

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗱𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗼 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗺 𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗵𝗶𝗴𝗵? “I’m just so frustrated” In a high EQ organization, you're likely to ✅ nod ✅ empathize ✅ move on. So politically correct. You've just checked the proverbial "engagement" checklist. Our organizations today are so geared to being perfunctory and efficient. But are they really frustrated? Or are they:  ❓ overwhelmed ❓ disappointed ❓ embarrassed ❓ resentful ❓ fearful? Each of these means a different root cause. When leading a team, understanding that difference can make or break how the situation unfolds. I came across fascinating psychological research on the topic of emotional granularity. (research journals in comments) It’s not labeling emotions only; it’s about getting specific in order to empathize well. It’s the difference between hearing “I’m stressed” and knowing whether that stress is rooted in fear, uncertainty or the pressure to perform. Can you tell the difference between an employee who’s “angry” because they feel undervalued versus one who’s “angry” because they’re burned out? When you get this right, everything changes ✅ team dynamics ✅ decision-making ✅ your ability to lead through crises. Leaders who practice emotional granularity are far better at managing conflict and fostering trust within their teams. When you can name emotions with precision—yours and others’—you create clarity. Clarity is the antidote to chaos. How Can Leaders Use Emotional Granularity? 1️⃣ Start With Yourself. Leaders who model emotional granularity are 30% more likely to inspire loyalty and engagement within their teams. Your emotions set the tone for your organization. Practice identifying and sharing what you’re really feeling in high-pressure moments. 2️⃣ Listen Beyond Words. When your team expresses emotions, dig deeper. Ask questions like, “What’s driving that frustration?” or “What do you think is at the root of this?” Often, what people say isn’t the full story. It's okay for them to be imprecise and unfamiliar initially as you shape their emotional expression fully. 3️⃣ Create a Culture of Emotional Precision Encourage your team to articulate their feelings with specificity. It doesn't have to be a therapy session, just holding space. 4️⃣ Use Emotional Granularity in Difficult Conversations. Whether it’s giving feedback or navigating conflict, being precise about emotions helps de-escalate tension and build trust. If handling emotions within your organization feels like navigating a minefield—let’s talk. --- Follow me Stuart Tan MSc., MBA for more insights on leadership and oirganizational development!

I’ve found myself navigating meetings when a colleague or team member is emotionally overwhelmed. One person came to me like a fireball, angry and frustrated. A peer had triggered them deeply. After recognizing that I needed to shift modes, I took a breath and said, “Okay, tell me what's happening.” I realized they didn’t want a solution. I thought to myself: They must still be figuring out how to respond and needed time to process. They are trusting me to help. I need to listen. In these moments, people often don’t need solutions; they need presence. There are times when people are too flooded with feelings to answer their own questions. This can feel counterintuitive in the workplace, where our instincts are tuned to solve, fix, and move forward. But leadership isn’t just about execution; it’s also about emotional regulation and providing psychological safety. When someone approaches you visibly upset, your job isn’t to immediately analyze or correct. Instead, your role is to listen, ground the space, and ensure they feel heard. This doesn't mean abandoning accountability or ownership; quite the opposite. When people feel safe, they’re more likely to engage openly in dialogue. The challenging part is balancing reassurance without minimizing the issue, lowering standards, or compromising team expectations. There’s also a potential trap: eventually, you'll need to shift from emotional containment to clear, kind feedback. But that transition should come only after the person feels genuinely heard, not before. Timing matters. Trust matters. If someone is spinning emotionally, be the steady presence. Be the one who notices. Allow them to guide the pace. Then, after the storm passes, and only then, you can invite reflection and growth. This is how you build a high-trust, high-performance culture: one conversation, one moment of grounded leadership at a time.

If you’ve ever been in a tough conversation (like getting surprise feedback from your boss, disagreement with your partner, or a tense conversation that suddenly turns emotional), you know that feeling: your heart races, your face gets warm, and your mind blanks. The worst thing you can do at that moment is try to “push through.” Because when emotions run high, real listening and problem-solving shut down. Here’s what to do instead: 1. Step back before you react If you feel adrenaline kicking in, pause. Try saying: • “Let me gather my thoughts. Can we circle back on this?” • “Let’s pause here and revisit on Friday” You’re not avoiding the issue; you’re creating space for a better outcome. If they’re the one who’s emotional, lead with calm: “Let’s take a little breather. I’m going to grab some coffee. Let’s regroup in 10 minutes.” You’d be amazed how much tension disappears in those few quiet minutes. 2. Find common ground When you return, start with what you agree on: • “We both want this project to succeed” • “We’re on the same page about the goal” Agreement softens defensiveness and rebuilds trust. 3. Shift to next steps Once things cool down, move forward: • “What’s our next step?” • “How do we resolve this?” Focusing on solutions gets everyone out of the emotional past and back into progress. The takeaway: In emotionally charged moments, calm is your greatest communication tool. Instead of winning the argument, try to regain clarity and guide the conversation forward.

“I don’t want to come across as that candidate.” That’s what my client said right before we started working on her salary negotiation strategy. She was already the top choice for the role. She had aced the interviews. The offer was coming. But when it came to the money talk, she froze. She didn’t want to sound greedy, pushy, or risk losing the offer altogether. Here’s what we worked on instead: ✨ Positioning herself as a star candidate from the start - resume, referrals, and interviews all building her credibility. ✨ Gathering context and data before numbers - bonuses, benefits, and everything that adds value. ✨ Keeping her tone collaborative, not confrontational. When the offer came, she simply said, “I’ll miss about seven months of bonuses at my current company.” No demands. No ultimatums. Just calm, factual context. Within 12 hours, she got a 10% sign-on bonus on top of a 25% pay bump. Great negotiation isn’t about being aggressive. It’s about being informed, clear, and confident.

If you have been fortunate enough to receive a job offer right now, first of all, that is huge. Truly. This is one of the most competitive hiring markets our industry has seen in years. But once the excitement settles, do not lose your nerve when it comes to negotiating. An offer is not a fragile glass sculpture that will shatter the moment you ask a reasonable question. Companies expect some level of discussion, and how you handle this stage sets the tone for how you value yourself throughout your career. Here are some practical tips to help you navigate it calmly and professionally. • Take a breath before responding Thank them, express genuine excitement, and ask for a little time to review. Even 24 to 48 hours gives you space to think clearly instead of reacting emotionally. • Know what actually matters to you Base salary is only one lever. Also consider bonus structure, equity, contract length, remote flexibility, relocation, title, scope, learning opportunities, and team stability. • Do your homework on ranges Look at industry salary data, talk to trusted peers, and understand what is typical for your level, discipline, and location. You are not asking for a favor. You are aligning to market reality. • Anchor your ask in value, not need Avoid framing things as “I need more because my rent is high.” Instead say “Based on my experience with X, Y, and Z and current market ranges, I was hoping we could explore a base closer to…” • Be specific, not vague “I was hoping for something higher” is hard to act on. “Would it be possible to move the base to 115K?” gives them something concrete to respond to. • Prioritize your asks Do not negotiate ten things at once. Pick one or two that matter most. If base cannot move, maybe sign on bonus, remote days, or title can. • Stay warm and collaborative This is not a battle. You are future teammates. Use language like “Is there flexibility here?” or “Can we explore options?” instead of ultimatums. • Get everything in writing If anything changes from the original offer, ask for an updated letter. Verbal assurances can get lost when teams change or time passes. • Remember they already chose you They spent time, energy, and political capital getting you approved. A thoughtful, professional negotiation rarely kills a deal. Silence about your needs can hurt you for years. • Know your walk away line privately You do not have to share this. But be honest with yourself about what would make the role unsustainable long term. That clarity helps you negotiate with calm instead of fear. You worked hard to get here. Negotiating respectfully is not greed. It is part of being a professional in an industry where roles, teams, and companies change often. Starting from a fair place makes every future step easier.

Let’s say you’re talking to a prospect, and they seem hesitant about your product. Instead of jumping in with, “Here’s why you should buy,” you could say, “It seems like you’re worried about whether this will fit your budget” or “It sounds like you’re not sure this will solve your problem.” Chris Voss, the author of Never Split the Difference, calls it “labeling.” You’re naming the emotion or concern someone might be feeling. It’s like being a feelings detective for your prospects. Here’s the best part: you don’t have to be right. If you’re wrong, the prospect will correct you—and in doing so, they’ll share more about what’s really on their mind. It’s a win either way because you’re getting closer to the truth. Why? When you label their feelings, it shows them you’re really listening. Like you’re on their side, not just trying to sell them something. And here’s the magic: when people feel like you get what they’re feeling or thinking, they trust you more. And trust is why people choose you.