Self-Reflection in Communication

"𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝗗𝗼 𝗪𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻 𝗮𝘁 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝗔𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗗𝗶𝘀𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗠𝗲?" That was the opening line of a letter I read recently. A man, writing with confusion and hurt, described how things repeatedly went wrong with women bosses. Irritation would build, misunderstandings would multiply, and eventually, he'd find himself fired. He wondered if it was his race, his cultural background (where men traditionally dominate), or simply bad luck. I've heard variations of this story - and not just from men. What I've consistently noticed as a leader and a coach is that these situations feature plenty of finger-pointing but minimal self-reflection. Research shows that 𝟳𝟱% of workplace conflicts stem from communication breakdowns, not actual disagreements about goals or values. When we feel misunderstood, our default is to blame others rather than examine our own communication patterns. When patterns repeat across different environments and relationships, the most powerful question shifts from "Why are they like this?" to "𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘐 𝘣𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘐 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘥?" This self-inquiry isn't about assuming guilt or denying others' potential biases. It's about choosing growth over being right. Real progress happens when we 1) Seek 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝘂𝗶𝗻𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗵𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘁 feedback, even when uncomfortable (if it doesn't sting a little, it's probably not the feedback you need most) 2) Pay attention to 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗮𝗰𝘁, not just words (studies show 𝟵𝟯% of communication is non-verbal) 3) Recognize how 𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗱𝗶𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲𝘀 across gender and culture shape interactions. For example, a male team member might interrupt his female manager during meetings without realizing it carries different weight than when he interrupts male colleagues. Research shows women are interrupted 𝟮.𝟵 times more often than men in professional settings, and when a woman is in authority, these interruptions can undermine her leadership in ways the interrupter never intended. The most successful professionals I’ve worked with understand that good intentions don't automatically cancel poor impact. I've watched careers stall because people defended their intent too vigorously. But I've also seen 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘬𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 when curiosity replaced the need to be right & the need to win. Personally, the breakthroughs came for me when I approached misunderstandings with curiosity and not defensiveness. For example, what I saw as efficient problem-solving, others experienced as dismissal of their expertise. So, while we acknowledge the differences in how we are perceived and responded to based on cultural stereotypes, let’s also reclaim our agency and ask ourselves “𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘐 𝘣𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘐 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘥?" #EmotionalIntelligence #Leadership #SelfAwareness

Reflect on your motives. Before speaking, ask yourself: Why am I talking? This isn't about suppressing your thoughts but understanding the underlying reasons for your communication. Are you speaking to clarify, to connect, or perhaps to assert dominance? Recognizing your true motives helps you align your speech with beneficial intentions. Consider the Impact Think about how your words might affect others and yourself. Aim not to harm. Before speaking, ask yourself: How might my words affect others? Consider their feelings, needs, and perspectives. How might my words affect me? Reflect on how your communication could influence your own well-being and relationships. Practice Self-Awareness Regular mindfulness practice can increase your self-awareness, allowing you to recognize and adjust your communication style more effectively. Consider past conversations where your speech may not have been well-intended. Reflect on what you could have done differently and how you can improve in similar situations moving forward. As we focus on the intention behind our words, we open the door to transforming our interactions into opportunities for connection, understanding, and mutual growth.

*Seek your Mirrors* My Board presentation was a flop. I had prepared well. The slides were crisp, my talk engaging. Yet, the response was … unenthusiastic. Polite, but lukewarm. No follow-up questions. It was all a bit … deflating. I sat down limply at the lunch table, and that’s when I saw it. A prominent, white shirt tail where there ought to have been dark trousers. A peekaboo no one wants to see at the work place. My open zipper! I had been strutting around, talking about windows of opportunity, when a whole other kind of window was wide open in front of my Board! Aargh! No wonder there were no questions after my presentation. Who’d want more of THAT show? Once I calmed down, I felt curious - why hadn’t someone told me? Why the collective pretension of normalcy? Politeness? Maybe. After all - What do you say to a speaker with an open fly? And when? The Bystander Effect. That’s another reason. Research shows that individual bystanders are less likely to intervene and help when multiple others are on the scene. Had I been speaking one on one with a board member, they might well have told me right away. Whatever the reasons - ultimately, I didn’t receive a crucial piece of feedback that morning. And that let me … exposed, so to speak. “How do I truly know what to change in myself?”, a colleague asked me rhetorically, “Reflection is so hard!” A-ha! Reflection. That question, my friend, answers itself. If you’re wondering your hair isn’t combed straight, what do you do? Do you sit and recall your combing technique? Do you pat-feel your hair gingerly? No. You seek a reflection - you go find a mirror! In our search for personal effectiveness at work, the solution is similar. You want to know what you can do better at work? Don’t just sit there and ‘reflect’. Take the simplest, most powerful step - find people you trust and ask them! Your weaknesses might be hidden to you, but to your colleagues and friends, they are on full display. So - you genuinely want to improve? Find some well-wishers at work and make them your mirror. Up, down or sideways in the hierarchy, that’s immaterial. What matters is that you trust them. And not “anyone can give me feedback anytime!” … that’s just a cop out. Remember the bystander effect. Once you identify such trusted colleagues, co-opt them. They are your mirrors. Seek them out regularly for feedback, ask them what your rough edges are, where you are screwing up. Two caveats: 1. You might not like what the mirrors show you. From open zippers and bad breath to rudeness and micro management. Be prepared for bitter truths. 2. Mirrors might be slightly distorted. It is not the obligation of a mirror to show you perfect reflections. It is not your friend’s job to give you ‘perfect’ feedback. It is YOUR job to extract value from what you hear. Remember - Only one person in the world cares truly deeply about your development. To know who that is, seek your mirrors.

Want to transform your communication skills? Start with this self-awareness exercise. Record yourself speaking for 5 minutes on any topic. Leave it for a day (this removes the initial self-criticism). Then review it in three stages: Stage 1: Watch on mute Focus purely on body language. What are your hands doing? How do your facial expressions support your message? Notice your posture and movement patterns. Stage 2: Listen without watching Turn the phone around and just listen. Pay attention to vocal qualities: your pace, volume, tone variations, and energy levels. What do you like? What needs work? Stage 3: Get it transcribed This reveals your communication patterns in black and white. You'll spot repetition, circular reasoning, filler words, and structural issues you never noticed before. One session gives you 5-10 concrete improvement areas. That's your roadmap to becoming a more effective communicator. What's one speaking habit you've noticed in yourself?

Every leader wants to build more leaders. But only a few begin with the hardest part, looking within. Leadership presence and influence flow directly from self-awareness. It is the cornerstone of effective leadership, a prerequisite for driving results and building high-performing teams. The journey of creating more leaders begins not with external strategy, but with internal understanding. As leaders, we must first recognise how our behaviour, tone, and decisions shape the emotional and psychological experience of every person on our team. Without strong self-awareness, understanding our motivations, strengths, and blind spots, even our best intentions can be misread. This is why routine reflection is critical. To lead effectively from the inside out, pause and reflect on two pivotal questions: First, “How do people experience you?” Assess your presence. Ensure consistency and composure under pressure, and actively foster trust and collaboration. Second, “How do people experience themselves when they are with you?” This defines your legacy. Every interaction should leave people feeling seen, empowered, and valued. Leadership self-awareness aligns values with empathy, transforming intention into positive influence. By intentionally shaping our behaviour today, we build the foundation for future leaders to rise. The deeper a leader reflects, the greater the ripple of capability and confidence they create across the organisation. What’s one reflection that shaped your leadership? #LeadershipDevelopment #SelfAwareness #EmotionalIntelligence #LeadingWithEmpathy

The higher you go in leadership, the harder it is to see yourself clearly. You can keep scrolling if you say "YES" to any of these questions: 1/ Do you have a clear idea of how you are perceived in a senior position? 2/ Are you able to figure out your blind spots with ease as you go up the ladder? 3/ Is it easy for you to pause and reflect on your actions as a leader? If you answered "NO" to any of these three questions, please continue reading. In my coaching work with senior leaders and CXOs, one problem comes up repeatedly: “I had no idea how I was being perceived.” Whether it’s tone during feedback, presence in team meetings, or how emotions land during conflict, many leaders are surprised by how others experience them. And it’s not about lack of intent. It’s about a lack of awareness. So, what's the solution? The solution lies in more reflection, listening, and presence. When you learn to observe yourself: your energy, your language, your emotional tone, everything begins to shift: Your communication becomes clear Your confidence feels grounded Your difficult conversations become compassionate Your team feels psychologically safe So, if you think self-awareness is a soft skill. It's not. It’s your strategic advantage as a leader. Now, take one step today: Ask someone you trust, “What’s it like to be on the other side of me?” And listen without defending. You might discover the one thing that changes everything.

Self-awareness—or the lack of it—can make or break your career. I’ll be honest—I've had moments where I was unknowingly passive-aggressive with a coworker. Or defensive. Or dismissive. Later, someone on my team would confidentially tell me how I came across. I have many blind spots. Do you have a blind spot? Are you aware of how your behavior is impacting your fundraising or promotion chances? 📌 You might think you’re confident but perceived as arrogant. 📌 You might think you’re being helpful but come across as micromanaging. 📌 You might believe you’re overperforming, but others see you as disorganized and unreliable cause you have too much on our plate and fail to deliver. And the list goes on and on! Here’s the harsh reality: People who are unaware of their own behavior in the workplace are: ↘ Less likely to be promoted. ↘ Less likely to win over investors. ↘ Less likely to receive praise or recognition. Why? Because if you don’t see how your actions impact others, you can’t correct course. And if you can’t course-correct, you’ll struggle to build trust, influence, and respect—the very things that drive professional success. So, how can you become more aware of your blind spots and address them? ↗ Seek feedback regularly: It’s easy to overlook your own behavior. Ask trusted colleagues for honest feedback—they’ll often see what you can’t. Investors and leaders pay attention to those who can listen and adapt. ↗ Practice self-reflection: At the end of each day, take a few minutes to reflect on your interactions. What went well? What could have been handled better? Awareness breeds growth, and growth gets noticed. ↗ Embrace mindfulness: Being present helps you catch those passive-aggressive tendencies before they happen. The more aware you are, the more positively you’ll impact your team and stakeholders. ↗ Hold yourself accountable: When you slip up, own it. Investors and leaders respect those who can admit mistakes and show a commitment to improvement. ↗ Embrace vulnerability: Embracing vulnerability shows strength. Just as you need understanding, so do others. Authentic relationships lead to deeper connections, more opportunities, and greater recognition. Self-awareness isn’t just about feeling good—it’s about being the kind of person who can lead, influence, and ultimately succeed. Do you have a blind spot? #ThinkAboutIt Artwork: Aykut Aydogdu

Clients always ask me, “Do I really need to record myself and watch the playback?” 👀 Let’s talk about it. According to communication science, over 90% of our message is conveyed through nonverbal cues such as tone, facial expression, body language. So when you don’t watch yourself back, you’re missing the opportunity to analyze the part of your message that speaks the loudest. But beyond the data, here’s what I know as a public speaking coach and as a woman who has had to fight to be heard: Many of us have spent years being told to shrink…speak only when called, doubt the power of our voice, and perfect our work in silence. So of course watching yourself on playback feels cringey. While it may be uncomfortable, it’s about rewiring the part of you that learned to dissociate from your own brilliance. Playback is a mirror. And the mirror reflects more than posture and pitch. It also reflects progress. ❤️ When you watch yourself, you’re not just correcting. You’re claiming. You’re building the muscle of self-awareness, executive presence, and storytelling mastery. Want to be a compelling speaker? A powerful leader? Then yes, you need to record AND watch the playback. It’s not vanity. It’s visibility. And you deserve to be seen in your full power. #ExecutivePresence #LeadershipDevelopment #AmplifyYourVoice #WomenInLeadership #SpeakingTips

There’s a pattern I see all the time in my work: A CEO comes to me and says, “We have a problem, and that problem is [insert team member’s name here].” Let’s be real—when we’re stressed or dealing with something unpleasant, our knee-jerk reaction is often to point the finger at someone else. How many of us immediately think, “Wait, am I the problem?” (besides Taylor Swift). If you catch yourself blaming someone else, try this approach instead: 1. REFRAME THE SITUATION. Labeling it a “problem” triggers defensiveness, avoidance, or outrage. Instead, view it as a challenge to work through—like any other in your day-to-day. 2. FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL. You can’t control how someone else thinks, feels, or acts. The only thing within your control is your own thoughts, feelings, and actions. Shift your focus inward and imagine yourself stepping into leadership. 3. GET CLEAR ON YOUR NEEDS. Take the time to identify what you need (and make sure it’s realistic). Be specific. We often think we’re being clear when we’re not—or avoid clarity because expressing our needs can feel vulnerable. The clearer you are with yourself, the better equipped you’ll be to communicate effectively. 4. PLAN YOUR NEXT STEPS. Decide what you’ll say to the other person, ensuring it aligns with your needs and opens the door for constructive dialogue. This process moves the focus from blame to action, creating space for real solutions. Have you ever found yourself in a situation like this? What changed when you reframed it?

Throughout your professional journey, you will often find yourself waiting on others. You might wait for someone to act, change, or even stop doing something. I kept pinging someone for an update but never heard back. I asked my team to innovate, but there was no enthusiasm. I requested a task update but saw no progress. I needed someone to investigate something, but they kept deprioritizing my request. A peer team kept asking me for details, even though I provided everything. Top-down requirements demanded actions irrelevant to my area. I explained my thoughts to my team, but they returned with the same questions. And the cycle continued. Is this frustrating? We keep churning, waiting for things to change. Maybe it is time to be the change. Could you ask the question: How Am I Adding to the Problem? What have I done so far? What have I not done? What could I have done differently to change the situation? Let’s start by looking in the mirror. Maybe my question was unclear. Maybe I asked the wrong question or to the wrong person. Maybe I did not provide enough clarity about the outcome. Perhaps I did not address the challenges of getting started. Maybe I was unclear on rewards and recognition. Perhaps I did not show the importance, or urgency. Maybe I assumed who should answer the question and how and when. Perhaps I did not demonstrate to my leadership what they needed to feel confident about my deliverables, so they kept asking for more work. Maybe I was not making my thoughts easy to understand. Perhaps what I presented was not the problem the other person wanted to address. Maybe they expected me to solve something different. Perhaps I did not provide guidance or examples of what I needed. Maybe the success criteria were unclear. There could be so many possibilities. When I step back and look in the mirror, asking, “How am I adding to the problem?” I see all these possibilities. Now I can do something about it. Self-reflection is the first step to improvement. I encourage you to ask yourself the same question. Reflect on your actions. By asking, “How am I adding to the problem?” and taking steps to address it, I become part of the solution. You can do the same. Reflect on your actions. Make positive changes. Lead by example. Your efforts will make a big difference. Till next time, Cheers, Amit #LeaderCircle #LeaderCircle911 #Leadership #LeadershipExcellence #LeadershipPrinciples #LeadershipMindset #SelfReflection #ContinuousImprovement #PersonalGrowth #Accountability #ProfessionalDevelopment #ProblemSolving #LeadershipDevelopment #ChangeManagement #LeadByExample #MindsetShift #PositiveChange