Stuck

Here is an article I wrote for a Toastmasters newsletter:

Stuck

My eyes popped open as I awoke that Saturday morning; I sprung out of bed and half way across the room. This was no ordinary Saturday morning. It was my birthday and an important one at that; ten years old. No cartoons for me today, just throw some clothes on and get down to breakfast. I couldn’t act too excited though or remind anyone because that is just not how it works. They had to wish me a Happy Birthday on their own, because that means they really meant it. As I ate my breakfast my parents came into the kitchen with presents in hand and a big smile. “Happy Birthday sweetie” mom said as she handed me a few presents. I ripped into the paper to find cap guns and all the cowboy accessories, even a Lone Ranger mask. I put everything on and started playing with the guns, practicing my quick draw. I ran down to the park a few blocks away to see if my friends wanted to shoot the guns and check out my new cowboy duds. When I was greeted with a roaring laughter from five of my friends, yelling “He still dresses up like a cowboy ha ha ha”. I ran home, ripped everything off and threw it on my bed, just mad that I looked so foolish. Embarrassed, I didn’t realize that ten years old was just one too many to still play pretend; I didn’t get the proverbial memo.

While growing up there are those times when we have uncomfortable experiences that tend to send us to the next level of growth. Sometimes we can get stuck in a maturity level just a little longer than we probably should have. Come to find out it continues long after the bus stops coming by. Eighteen means legal adulthood but that is just the start of the maturing process. So those awkward moments, though they may happen less frequently, are still a part of reality. Most of the time the lack of personal growth doesn’t lead to awkward moments, but more of lack of satisfaction in life. It can manifest in our career, relationships, intellect, finances, you name it.

We can get stuck for a few reasons. We may just be comfortable where we are, and lack motivation to strive for improvement. Oftentimes people feel they lack talent, or are afraid to look foolish when they give something their all. Sometimes it is just the feeling that no matter what effort we put out, nothing we do will make a difference. It is easy to see the symptoms and just label ourselves as lazy which of course makes it an unrecoverable ailment in our mind, so the problem persists until later in the cobweb years of life the thought occurs, “Maybe I could have just gotten over myself and done what I really wanted to do in life after all”.

I read an article about Bradley cooper in the most recent Time magazine, where he states that today he still has the same drive to get better than his days as a student, and it shows. His career is evolving, and he is becoming better with each part. One of the goals in Toastmasters is to put fear in the back seat and challenge ourselves by standing in the front of the room now and then. At some point we may even grow comfortable being the leader of the meeting or featured speaker. What then, is the job finished? Is there no more effort to put in, have you arrived at your destination. I think the same applies when we approach anything in life. If we start getting comfortable, it is time to examine what we really want, and take steps to have that ability. I recently entered the International Speech competition in which I won the club level as well as the area contest. I practiced the speech probably a hundred times, got input and tweaked it here and there, spoke at a couple of other clubs to get more input and gave it my best shot for the division contest. I didn’t place, meaning I did not come in the top three that night. I still have so much to learn about delivering a great speech. The point is that I have a desire to get better and retreating into comfort is tempting but not what I really want to do.

I had the fleeting thoughts that maybe I am just not good at this and should not even try to improve. The thoughts of inferiority come up for most people mainly because you will never be good at something without trying and failing, seeing what works and what doesn’t and trying again. We all want to be great our first time out, and it does sting a little to bomb at something. The masters are masters because they just work hard at it.

Feeling a lack of efficacy can kill motivation quicker than a machete to a zombie’s head. The problem is identifying that feeling.  This is where people can be ashamed and just label it laziness. So the key can lie in identifying the feeling, allowing yourself to feel it fully. Then you can see more clearly that it is just a feeling that is not necessarily true. Then you can decide what it is you really want and work towards that end because that feeling has lost its power over you.

Life is growth and expansion, and we feel alive as we learn and grow. When we stop developing we can tend to be out of synch with life. It can lead to all sorts of uncomfortable moments or rob the satisfaction that makes living such a great experience. Never stop pursuing better, realize that fears are just a part of the process and when you feel a drain on your motivation, examine where the drain is coming from. When you go after your desires with purpose your growth and expansion will be in synch with life and living will feel like an adventure.