Servant or observant and a world of difference

I was reflecting this morning on my journey over the last few years and how my experience of life has changed for the better.  A key discovery has been learning to take my thinking less seriously and recognising that not everything I think is true.  Whilst trying to articulate this on paper, I came across an interesting observation.

One key thing that has changed for me has been the switch from being a servant to my thoughts and feelings, to being more observant and less attached to my thoughts and feelings.  How funny that the switch from servant to observant makes all the difference and how curious these extra two letters can lead to 180 degree flip in experience!

Let me say more about what I mean…

Servant to my thoughts and feelings:

This is what I used to do.  I used to wholeheartedly trust my thinking and when I felt low or insecure, I took it seriously.  I leaned into the content of my thinking and I tried to resolve and fix the feelings I had.  I have particular memories of how I allowed insecure thoughts to sink in and settle, like they were true and something to be listened to.  There were some common themes of being ‘good enough’, ‘ready enough’, ‘capable enough’, ‘an imposter’ or concern about ‘what people would think’.  These thoughts and feelings were gripping, and compelling, and so very believable.  When they showed up, I worried about being ‘found out’ or ‘failing’ to achieve what I wanted to do.  These insecure thoughts seemed to inform me that I needed to ‘do more’, ‘get more qualified’, ‘read more books’, ‘learn from more experts’, ‘delay moving forwards until I was more ready’.  It all seemed true, I took notice, I was obedient, I was an obliging servant to the whims of my insecurities and did more work, and perfected my stuff, and tried to acquire more knowledge, strategies and coping mechanisms.  

All innocently done!

All from a misunderstanding about the way the mind works!

All perfectly normal, natural, understandable and an integral part of my journey :)

But I see things differently now…

I see a path to a more beautiful, more powerful, more compassionate way to approach my ever fleeting thoughts and feelings.

Observant to my thoughts and feelings:

I still have my insecure thoughts, the ‘good enough, ‘capable enough’, ‘ready enough’, ‘imposter’ type thoughts still arise and persuasively try to influence my behaviour.  Sometimes I don’t spot them quickly. Sometimes they creep up on me and I get caught up in my old servant habits; ‘read more’, ‘do more’, ‘perfect more’, ‘hold back more’,  in a mission to fix the feeling.  

However, something has changed for me now.  I’ve wised up to how my feelings are a reliable barometer for my state of mind and the quality of my thinking.  I’ve wised up to the fact that my thinking is decidedly unreliable from a lower, more insecure state of mind.  I see that in the natural ebb and flow of my human experience I move from moments of clarity to moments when perspective is lost.  It’s all OK, it’s all normal, it’s all natural.    What doesn’t make sense is to give equal value to the thoughts and feelings experienced from both higher quality thinking and lower quality thinking, yet we innocently do this all the time!

So, what does being observant mean and why does it make a difference?

1)    If I am observant to the fluctuation of my moods, I can be observant to the quality of my thinking.  

2)    If I can be observant to the quality of my thinking, I can choose to pay less attention to thoughts arising from a lower, more insecure state of mind. 

3)    When I place less value on the thoughts and feelings that arise from a lower state of mind, I come back to clarity more quickly.

Once you see how true this is the impact can be transformational.  It opens a door to experiencing a more liberating way of life and the freedom to contribute in the world without being at the mercy of our limiting beliefs that want us to ‘play small’.

With love,

Natalie