The Power Of Yes and The Power Of No and When To Use Them
My sons were discussing a squirrel from Cartoon Network’s Adventure Time who starts every answer to every question with “well, yes …. and no” which got me thinking about the power of YES and the power of NO. You need them both and you need to learn when to use them both too as well as how to position them.
Yes is incredibly powerful and positive not only for yourself but also for those around you. Yes enables you to embrace the opportunities that present themselves and to open new doors to experience life to the full with enjoyment and success as well as heartache and disappointment. Yes supports your courage and lust for life, it extends you and your boundaries and it helps remove your fear of failure. Yes helps you build rapport and empower and support complete strangers as well as friends, family and colleagues. Yes often repays someone’s belief in you.
However, yes, like no, can’t be indiscriminate and often it can be as we find ourselves saying yes when we want to say no and when it is more courageous to say no. It is all about learning where you want the boundary line between the two to be and also, because no is more negative than yes, particularly understanding how to position no to avoid you appearing and feeling negative.
Since no is often a clear and definite choice it can set you apart as being mentally tough, independent and true to your own values which can protect you from being exploited, abused or compromised by others. Although it is rarely inspiring or empowering to anyone but yourself, no can give you immense strength and can keep you focused on your life’s course and short term goals. No can be more difficult to position without cost to your relationships and reputation though as you want to remain strong enough to say no whilst staying positive and reducing any collateral damage because of the negative perceptions involved.
You can soften your language by replacing no with “maybe” or “I’ll think about it”, which suggests you are weighing up your options, or use other options such as lets agree to disagree” or “its an interesting view but I disagree”. Alternatively, avoid the ambiguity and let them have it with both barrels. No means no and that's my decision!
Yes and no are equally powerful when used at the right time and with the right emphasis. Learning when to use them is a key part of understanding who you are, what you stand for and why.
Paul Lyons is an experienced chief executive, leadership coach and mental toughness professional and you can reach him via paul@paullyons.com or via his website at www.paullyons.com
