Problem resolutions

Last weekend I received a message from an ex-colleague. He contacted me to apologise for making my life difficult some 13-14 years ago. And that was my impression too for I found him a “difficult” person to manage. I gave him the job because I liked his wife. And of course he met all the technical credentials and was extremely talented. However, there was something that didn’t gel with me at that point in my career. Whether previous life stuff or what it was, I don't know. It was just one of those feelings. But I had long since pushed my feelings aside and although we didn’t part on particularly good terms, we parted nonetheless and so, as far as I was concerned, that was the end of the matter. Or so I thought.

For when I received his message last weekend, memories of the difficult times came flooding back all too quickly. My first thought was “Well done you for doing this”. And, as I read his message again and accepted his apology, it was with a heavy heart that I concluded that it was as much my fault as his that our relationship soured. And as I reached this conclusion, I felt a 13-year heaviness disappear. Then a strange thing happened. I started laughing. And I laughed at myself for not realising that most problems have solutions that we will never see if we are running in the opposite direction. Oh how I wished I had known such wisdom 13 years ago, for I should have dealt with this very differently indeed.

You see in any confrontation, there are two views and these may be opposing or they may be completely different. For what hurts one person may and probably does not, hurt another. And although things may be “discussed”, often, neither person actually listens to the other, for they are too focussed on dealing with their own feelings.  So I’m afraid that it’s often more confrontation than cooperation in most arguments. But, as we should know, without cooperation, things rarely get resolved.

So, from now on, I will try to see problems that come my way as “our problem”, not yours or mine, but ours. And then, we might actually stand a chance of resolving them, together. On the other hand, I don’t intend to go looking for problems. But they have a habit of finding me anyway.