JUST ASK

Building Relationships; Just Like Ben Franklin

I was recently reminded of a interesting story that Benjamin Franklin told in his autobiography. The story spoke to me about relationship building and I thought I would share it. 

While Franklin served in the Pennsylvania legislature he had a very strong political rival who had opposed him numerous times as they worked together. This rivalry was so strong that they never spoke to one another although they were put in situations where creating a relationship would have benefited both of them. He came up with a strategy to help remove the animosity between the two.

“Having heard that he had in his library a certain very scarce and curious book, I wrote a note to him, expressing my desire of perusing that book, and requesting he would do me the favour of lending it to me for a few days. He sent it immediately, and I return'd it in about a week with another note, expressing strongly my sense of the favour. When we next met in the House, he spoke to me (which he had never done before), and with great civility; and he ever after manifested a readiness to serve me on all occasions, so that we became great friends, and our friendship continued to his death.”

By asking a favor of this man, he honored him and created a strong connection. With this social experiment Franklin discovered that “He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.”

This is such a great example of how to build relationships. I recently wrote about delegating and how delegating can show that you have trust in another person. I believe this is an extension of that concept as well, but it doesn't have to apply only to delegating. Asking a favor of someone can be something as simple as asking to borrow a book, or asking for an opinion on how you have handled a situation, or asking someone to read over an important email before you send it. It gives us the ability to show that we value the opinions, contribution and experience of others. 

I have thought about this example of relationship building and how it applies to my own career. I am fiercely independent when it comes to my business and was the same way in my corporate career. I thought I had to at least try to do everything myself. If there was something I didn't know, I taught myself. I read books, whitepapers and articles to learn new concepts. I researched new software and learned through trial and error. I rarely asked for help or for favors. I perceived asking for help as a weakness. It said to me that I was unable to do what was needed to be done. I thought that if I learned it on my own, it would stay with me longer and be more valuable. 

That independence has, in fact, created limitations in my career. It has prevented me from building stronger relationships. I have discovered my business and my life has become much stronger when I ask for help, when I reach out. I have worked on building my community of trusted advisers and confidants. I have created relationships with those who I consider my mentors and built partnerships with other business owners who can also help my clients. I have hired my own business coach who helps me to get beyond my limitations.

In opening up myself to the help and advice from others who have stood where I currently stand, I have not only learned from my community, I have hopefully built trust for myself within my community.

Ben Franklin’s favor may not seem like a huge favor. It was the request to borrow a book. It had such powerful implications beyond that single favor, however. Psychologists have studied this example and have named it the Ben Franklin effect. Researchers have proven that doing a favor for someone helps to remove negative feels you might have for that person. It has also been cited in numerous works including Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People.

The next time you find yourself at odds with someone, try this strategy. Find a reason to ask this person a favor. It doesn’t have to be a large favor. Just ask. You might be surprised at the results.

Jennifer Wright has spent more than 20 years in corporate and consulting environments with teams of all shapes and sizes. She has seen what makes teams work and what makes them struggle.

She created her program: INTELLIGENT HIRING SYSTEM: Hire Your First or Next Ideal Team Member because she believes everyone should have a job that they love and leaders should have great people.

The Intelligent Hiring System helps business owners and managers create tools and processes that can be used every time they hire a new team member or a new vendor. Having these tools in place will save you time and reduce the stress and fear that you generate during the hiring process.

Having the right people on your team will help you to grow your business exponentially

Contact: Jennifer@Execuwright.com

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