Human Capital: Stay in the truth zone.

By John Scott

Human capital is the collective resources of an individual and the degree of capacity to bring them to bear for the highest good.

Intention: More great, less grind.

Source: Life so far, a career in financial services, domains of positive psychology, high-performance sport, mindfulness, neuroscience, and compassion.

Insight Twenty-seven – Truth Zone

Summary: If there is no evidence it isn’t true.

Once when I was a kid, my parents had a cocktail party and asked my three siblings and me to come downstairs and stand in a line to meet the guests. While we stood there with the guests greeting us, a tall man stopped at my younger brother, leaned in close and, with a big booming enthusiastic voice, said, "Are you the swimmer?" My younger brother looked to his left and said, "No, he is." At "no," the man abruptly shifted over to me.

My brother was already great at soccer and rugby and well deserving the recognition as much as me and my swimming.

I felt a piercing sorrow for what just happened. For a long time, I held the image of a giant spotlight that illuminated my brother, then shifting to me, leaving him in the dark. I felt bad that I was recognized instead of my brother: I felt bad for being good. This incident has affected me at times in my life, not wanting to be in the light because someone else might be left in the dark.

My observation is that most people have memories of something someone said that hurt. Or something we needed to hear that was never said. Or an experience that left us empty and uncertain about our worth instead of confirming it. Needing safety and security and not getting it. Stuff that stuck.

The private world of self-criticism and the undeserving sentiment is not helpful. We might say things like, "I am not worth it, people won't like me, I am not enough, I don't deserve to be happy, or I am an idiot”. Things we wouldn't say to a friend. These are all statements of lack reflecting the universal fear of not belonging or inadequacy: like being disconnected from our birthright of unconditional acceptance.

Limiting beliefs consume energy to hold and are depleting.

I am taking an 8-week course called Compassion Cultivation Training. Compassion means:

• To be aware of the suffering of another.
• Feeling concerned for the one suffering.
• A desire to relieve that suffering.
• A belief that we can help.
• A willingness to take altruistic action.

We have all experienced that warm feeling that fills us by offering compassion.

There are three types of compassion: for others, for ourselves, and the ability to receive it from another. Arguably the first, compassion for others is the easiest.

In the course, there are two weeks on self–compassion. Last night there was some discussion about things that hold us back from being happy or comfortably allowing a sense of compassion for ourselves.

According to Kristen Neff, there are three types of self-compassion:

1.     Self-Kindness – Like you would show to a friend.

2.     Common Humanity – we are all imperfect. "That person wants to be happy just like me."

3.     Mindful non-judgment – practicing mindfulness nurtures non-judgment.

Kristen Neff on Self-Compassion

Self-compassion could be:

• Getting a bit more rest if we are tired.
• Improving our diet if needed.
• Taking a little weight off.
• Beginning even in a small way to get more exercise.
• Practicing observing our mindset and moving away from thoughts of criticism and limitation.

Being kinder to ourselves in little or big ways.

Here is some homework for the mind.

Limiting thoughts audit:

Ideally in 3 columns:

1.     Make a list of limiting thoughts, beliefs, stories you tell yourself.

2.     For each limiting thought or story, write down what you feel to be the evidence for it.

3.     For each statement in (2), note down if this is true. Is there objective proof?

Do these limiting thoughts, beliefs, or stories help?

Truth zone (rewriting the truth)

·       List a few things you have accomplished and for which you are rightly proud.

·       Note some things you are good at and appreciate about yourself.

·       What have people said you're good at?

·       What makes you happy?

Review your notes and accept that these are all facts: this is the truth. The realities you have set out are in the truth zone: the place you want to dwell in as much as possible.

Summary: When we think, "I am not enough of something" or "I don't deserve something." we can ask ourselves if this is true or valid.

When I think back to that event with my brother, I can bring more truth to it: That man didn't handle the interaction skillfully, and it was not my doing. And the biggest takeaway is the illusion that there is limited light: it isn't true that one person is out of luck for another to have some. We can all shine at our best by the infinite source of light and our unique potential when we stick to the truth.

Empowering thoughts and true stories create energy and are expansive.

When we connect with self-compassion and think in the truth zone, we are on our solid ground. Instead of depletion, we find ourselves connected to an infinite source of sustainable aliveness. Through self-compassion, you become that source.

Be kind to yourself. It’s better that way.

John

To talk more, just let me know.