How to Get Introverts to Talk

It is every group leader’s fear. You’ve framed a problem or asked a question and are now faced with . . . complete silence. There are a variety of reasons why a room might fall flat when it comes time for the group to chime in. One possibility is that you have a group dominated by Introverts. Introverts, in case you’ve missed the recent online revolution of introversion, are people who prefer to process life internally. They’d rather think about something than discuss it. More precisely, they’d rather think about something before they discuss it. They often aren’t comfortable putting themselves out there in front of a group of peers. As such, they can be the death knell of a group conversation. But, they don’t have to be. Here are some strategies a group leader can use to open up the treasure trove of insight that introverted group members cling to so tightly.

Offer Time to Think

One of the more obvious differences between people with preferences for introversion and extraversion is how they vet their ideas. Extraverts tend to put ideas out into the world quite quickly, tailoring and molding their thoughts through interactions with others. This can be quite the painful practice for Introverts, who carefully think through their comments internally so that they can present a final draft to the world. This takes time. Introverts literally need time to think. While the Extravert thinks by speaking, the Introvert would rather think before speaking. If a leader allows space for that thinking to occur, it almost always pays off with the Introvert giving a careful and thoughtful response to the situation. A very simple way to allow this thinking time is to take a break. When leading a group session, present your information and then take a break for coffee, lunch, etc. This will give the Introverts time to ponder their response while using time you would be taking off anyway. In order for this approach to be successful, give clear instructions about what you wish to discuss after the break before you break. A simple cue is all that is needed, “It’s clear from what I’ve said that we are overlooking some relational dynamics in our decision making process. The result is we are losing time putting out relational fires which could have been prevented. When you come back, I’d like to hear ideas on how we can improve the initial process to predict and prevent some of these things.”

Reduce Numbers

Individuals who prefer introversion tend to function better in small group or one-on-one settings. Several months ago I was in a training session working on feedback processes. One woman in the group didn’t just chose a seat in the back row, she literally moved her chair to the back wall in the corner closest to the door. There are a lot of assumptions group members could make about that behavior. When the group was broken down into pairs, I was partnered with this woman. I was amazed at the depth of insight she had regarding the topic and our time together was a highlight of the event for me. When you have a group where sharing is a struggle, reduce the numbers until sharing happens. As group size diminishes, the discomfort and social awkwardness of silence intensifies. It is blatantly rude to sit face-to-face with another person and not speak. Very few people will do this. Break down into a smaller groups (2-4 members per group is ideal). Give the groups clear instructions for discussion and state the expectation that one group member will share with the larger group later. This brings us to our next strategy.

Create an Expectation of Sharing in a Specific Area

One big myth regarding Introverts is that they don’t like to talk. The truth is Introverts can be quite talkative in areas where they have knowledge and experience. Introverts don’t tend to speak extensively in areas where they have no knowledge. They don’t BS. Remember, Introverts need time to think and organize thoughts before speaking. There are topics and concepts on which they have already done extensive thinking. If you place them in a position to speak on these issues, they will speak much more readily. One way to increase sharing in a group situation is to let certain Introverts know in advance that you would like to hear from them on certain topics. Let Susan know that in tomorrow’s meeting you really need to hear how the ideas shared might impact the budget. Let John know that you want him to be thinking about how we communicate these new decisions across the organization. If you create a clear expectation in advance for an Introvert to share on a specific topic, you have placed them in a position where they already have something to say. You have also put them in a position to begin their thought processes on the specific topic from the outset of the meeting, thus reducing the amount of “thought time” needed later.

Ask for Reports, Not Directions

As people who prefer to think through ideas carefully and thoroughly, Introverts seldom like to force concepts on others. They would much rather provide information than orders. This doesn’t mean that the Introvert doesn’t have an opinion on the correct course of action. She often does, but would rather provide the information which has led to that conviction. In a large group setting, Introverts will often resist requests to provide direction for the group. They will however, report on observations and information collected on the given topic. So, when an Introvert feels the group has thrown out more ideas than can possible be tackled, he might say, “I’ve listed thirteen different actions we’ve considered.” As a group leader, you need to realize that your group has a balance of Introverts and Extraverts and tailor your requests for input appropriately. The simplest way to do this is just create a mix of questions requesting information and direction. If you are looking for an Introvert to provide direction, allow them to share and process information first: “Ok, John. I hear you saying that we’ve put together a pretty intimidating list of ideas. What do we do with that?” Understand that Introverts tend to go through a significant thought process before they are willing to directly tell others what to do. If you encounter an Introvert giving clear direction rather than information, this is probably a firmly held belief.

Writing over Speaking

Finally, if your primary goal as a leader is to mine the expertise of your group, then consider creating a feedback option which does not require open sharing in a group setting. Many Introverts are more comfortable with written communication. In fact, when given the time to write out responses, Introverts often formulate much better content than they provide in impromptu verbal settings. A simple strategy is to leave the group with a question or issue and the expectation that they respond in a given time frame. The Extraverts will trickle into your office to discuss the issues. The Introverts will type out an email. Or, simply make it clear that the door is open for written feedback if needed. The only downside to this approach is that you may be surrendering any hope of a lively group discussion. If an Introvert knows that he can engage in the conversation through a written one-on-one format, he will likely choose that format. It’s where he’s comfortable.

There are a variety of dynamics which weigh on the quality of a good group session. The Introvert/Extravert dynamic is one that is relatively easy to navigate with a little bit of forethought and preparation. The fruit of this work is a session which isn’t just enjoyable and engaging, but also draws out the insights of the quiet thinkers who often see things others overlook.