It Happened Again

Whenever there is conflict; step back. Ask yourself: who has the problem? If it's you? In this instance: change your behavior. If the other party is difficult? There is not much you can do.

I exited another restaurant today. Without ordering. Returning to a restaurant enjoyed previously, owned by a family I greatly respect and who treats their employees so well that it trickles down to guests: it was surprising to hear the hostess ask "Just one?" in that tone as if I couldn't get a date.

Well, I ran an errand and this establishment was in the area. Sunday brunch is a good option. Basically it gives the opportunity to sample many good items on the menu. It's a little pricey. Worth it once in a while.

The prospect of paying twenty-six dollars (anticipating tip worthy service) seemed less appealing when this hostess sat me in a corner: far from any other party. It wasn't as bad as my first and last trip to the California Pizza Kitchen when I was seated next to the bathroom. Never again.

When this hostess asked if this seat far from anyone else was alright: my answer was to exit. What a terrible first impression. Sometimes the hosts are better than the servers. Other times the server has an uphill battle before they greet the guest.

On shaky ground: this did not feel like a welcoming place where I might spend the next hour. Something similar happened at a conference. Going to dinner with the group seemed like a nice way to end the first day. The group occupied two tables. Not feeling the group at my table and seeing a couple friends at the opposite table I moved to table B.

Sitting across from the men who had such great ideas and fascinating conversations served as a frame of reference. A lady I had not spoken with previously mentioned she was saving that seat for another guest who had yet to arrive.

Congratulations. In high school I used to sit at different tables. Sometimes to hang out with female classmates. The men were affronted that I sat at "Their" table. It was the only class without assigned seats. I lived long enough that a woman did not want me sitting next to men.

Is that equality? I felt insulted and left without ordering; feeling rather inconsequential. If I am disregarded by strangers? It can happen. They will return to their miserable lives. When it happens with people I shall see again at a conference someone else referred to as a safe space? Any sanctuary can be violated.

I might have reason to return to that city within the next year. Chances are I shall patronize that restaurant. An employee thanked me for coming, not noticing how quickly I was exiting.

This is surprisingly common. There are countless instances where I enter restaurants and am treated well by guests and staff. What kind of baggage is inspiring these feelings? Relatives would berate me in public and private. Until reaching a certain age: they did not redeem themselves and I stopped visiting them.

Only I can make myself feel small. At that conference there were different facets that made me feel inadequate. Much like school or organized religion: I couldn't fit into the limits of what was taught and wondered why I didn't belong. That had no bearing on a hostess at a bad moment who may not realize "Just one?" is insulting. "One for lunch?" posed the same question and does not lessen a paying customer. I shall return to that restaurant at some point.

Depends on when I am in the area. When employees seem bothered they have to do their job: that is a problem across all fields. The position is not challenging. Lord knows I shall remember good service and smiling faces for a long time. Maybe the time wasn't right. Who knows? I would rather have no experience than a compromised experience.

In other words: I can be ignored on my own. Don't go to a public place to be treated in an indifferent manner. I am only lonely around other people. In this case it was best to walk away. Cannot say what the resolution is. If I insulted the staff? Different story. Shame on me for thinking that I can patronize restaurants like a normal human being. Usually I am not treated like damaged goods. When I am? Exercise your right as a consumer and exit the premises.