Contribute

We were days about from my Nana-in-Law turning 100 and I found myself on the phone with my Mother-in-Law. She was frustrated because everyone had feedback on how we should or shouldn't celebrate the occasion but most didn't have a solution. We brainstormed a bit and we took on a few actions and she felt better post call. As I relayed this conversation to my husband that evening he said "Be a contributor, not a critic" and I was taken aback by how brilliant that message is...and how simple it was to contribute to the solution.

con·trib·ute /kənˈtribyo͞ot/

Give (something, especially money) in order to help achieve or provide something.

You see this often in the corporate world. An email goes out from asking "where is x document, it is due today" in a very terse and quick manner. It's difficult not sense tone when you read those emails, even if tone is not intended. There is an immediate feeling of criticism and in the end that may actually have that task hit the bottom of the "to do" list simply by not feeling appreciated and supported. It's amazing how pivoting the conversation to "I know x is due today, what support do you need to complete or what obstacles might you be experiencing" has a completely different tone and might result in a different response. It's being a contributor to the solution instead of a critic of the challenge.

Going back to centenarian story from the beginning of this post. We picked up balloons to make the occasion more festive as that was a criticism she had received. A quick check in text to my Mother-in-Law resulting in her plucking flowers from the garden because there wasn't anything good at the grocery store. I volunteered to stop at another place to pick up some roses and a few other grocery needs that popped up. The funny part about all of this...yes I provided a value to her in supporting the party...but I also received a value to ME by feeling good about providing help and support.

Being a critic doesn't feel good to anyone, the giver or the receiver. Being a contributor feels good because you will get the results you need, and feel good about supporting others.

How can you be a contributor instead of a critic today?