The Gravity of Making Choices

Lessons in Leadership & Life

Have you ever contemplated the number of choices you make on any given day at work, at home or in your personal life? I often pose that question to stimulate reflection and conversation about the impact of decision making.

The most frequent answer I get is “a lot,” which is a number we can all relate to !

Making choices is critical to any endeavor: A Shakespearean variation of "to be or not to be" might be offered as, “To act or not to act. That is the question.”  Given the sheer number of choices we make every single day, it’s important to go beyond simply making them in order to understand how they send messages to other individuals, groups - and at times - entire organizations.

Keep in mind that the choice to do nothing and avoid taking action when its called for, is also a choice - with significant ramifications. In a leadership context, the choice to avoid taking action when it’s called for represents the least ethical approach for leaders. Why? Avoidance promotes “lose-lose” outcomes for every stakeholder affected by one's inaction.

Effective leaders seek the best available version of "win-win" in any given situation.

The “choice map” I draw when engaging others in this conversation looks like this:

CHOICES -------> OUTCOMES ...... [ MESSAGES]

We typically make choices to solve a problem, create an outcome, or simply get scratch something off the "to do" list. Too often, however, we "assume" that one or more of those objectives is acheived, without giving much thought to how they are conveyed or implemented.

A “busy-ness” focus and transactional mindset inhibits our tendency to reflect on a more important fact: Every single decision you make, from large to small, every single day sends a message. Sometimes, those messages have the half- life of uranium: " I still remember when he chose to insult me in that meeting back in 2010. I'll never forgive him..."

On a daily basis, the choice making begins the moment we wake up. We make a choice about our attitude as we enter the day. Some of us look to the left or right and choose to say nothing, say “Good morning,!” or perhaps in worst case scenarios, mutter “Oh, you’re still here.” They’re all choices.

The wrong messages tend to linger in the hearts and minds of the very people we care about and count on to do their best. The choice to be impatient, defensive, critical or small minded creates resentment, negativity and ineffectiveness and is detrimental to leadership effectiveness. If you're inclined to excuse such behavior as an emotional repsonse, versus one that's pre-determined as a choice, you may be correct.

That said, the ability to reign in one's emotions, rely on facts and focus on questioning, versus telling, is the result of making (and acting upon) a choice to get better at exhibiting behavioral adaptability. The choice to ask, versus tell, is arguably the most powerful option when difficult situations arise. Encouraging the ideas, interest, input and contributions of others promotes mutual ownership and acceptance of whatever solution is arrived at, versus choosing to simply tell others what you want. 

Leveraging effective questions also builds a respectful leadership environment, for a simple and clear reason: People (especially high performers and adults) simply don’t want to be “told” how to act. Questioning enables them to hear their own voice when mutually beneficial conclusions are decided upon.

There are other seemingly easy, but too often overlooked choices which promote engagement and win hearts: Choosing to say "thank you," versus assuming that people feel valued and affirmed; Choosing to seek the support, guidance and wisdom of others who will lend to more impactful outcomes, versus choosing to try to be all things to all people; Choosing to accept responsibility, being humble, acknowledging mistakes and offering forgiveness, versus being defensive, closed or invulnerable.

In our busy work culture, we too often default to problem solving, when a better choice would be to influence the development of others. People aren’t problems to be solved – they are humans who should be effectively influenced. Problem solving masks itself as a short term solution, when more often than not, it encourages more of the same dysfunctional behavior.

The choice to ask, versus tell, is arguably the most powerful option when difficult choices are at stake: Encouraging the ideas, interest, input and contributions of others promotes mutual ownership and acceptance of whatever solution is arrived at, versus choosing to simply tell others what you want

Managers solve problems. Leaders develop others to solve their own problems and create solutions, which enables leaders to invest more time in creating the vision, clearing the path and multiplying the impact of groups and teams.

 Leveraging effective questions also builds a respectful leadership environment, for a simple and clear reason: People (especially high performers) simply don’t want to be “told” how to act. The best choices send messages of focus, certainty, commitment, affirmation and reinforcement that you are a mindful and caring leader.

Organizational charts delineate reporting structures - not leadership structures. Never mistake a reporting structure for an indicator of a prosperous and meaningful relationship between a boss and his or her direct report. At the end of the day, followers make their own choices about who they will be inspired and influenced by in their journey of growth and development. It might be you, or it might someone in a different role, department, division or organization.

What messages are you sending with the choices you make ?