Assertive, Not Aggressive: Part 2
In an earlier post on ‘assertive, not aggressive’ I wrote about the importance of ‘asking, not telling’ and of listening effectively. Here I would like to add several tips for clear messaging.
Suggestions for Asserting Effectively as a Leader
Be clear about your objectives. Another key to assertiveness is clarity about what you want to accomplish. You must first be clear about this in your own mind, and then when you communicate with other people. This is harder than it sounds: competitive pressures, information overload, the velocity of communication, and a perceived lack of time can interact to push us toward quick decisions. Leaders may feel they don’t have time to weigh options properly. I encourage my clients to think systematically about their objectives: before making decisions, before meetings, even before conversations and phone calls, they should ask themselves, ‘What do I want to accomplish here, and why?’ Having these objectives and motivations defined clearly beforehand will help you to be assertive, focused, and productive.
Communicate with clarity. What does good assertive communication look like? We should strive to be poised emotionally, not defensive and not overbearing. Our emotional state and its impact on our non-verbal communication are critical. Research has shown that as much as 90 per cent of our actual communication is non-verbal, so we should be particularly aware of the physical aspects of our communication: our tone of voice, gestures, eye contact, and posture. It may be helpful to practice presentations or meeting interventions beforehand, seeking feedback from colleagues and perhaps taking advantage of videotaping.
Precise language. What does good assertive communication sound like? A goal should be to state our point of view so that it is clear and easily understood. Try to avoid vague words or qualifiers that might weaken the message. Phrases like ‘more or less,’ ‘kind of,’ or ‘at least I think so’ can creep into our speech and imply a lack of precision or confidence in our thinking. Also bear in mind that some people tend to talk more when they are nervous. This extra ‘chatter’ can lead to run-on sentences, errors, or statements that simply confuse people. Guard against this by outlining your thoughts on paper beforehand, using simple sentence constructions when you speak, and using visual aids such as a handout with bullet points. Pause from time to time to check in with your audience: there may be an opportunity to correct a misunderstanding, and in a multilingual environment your listeners will often be grateful for a pause that allows them to ‘catch up’ and process your words.
Mark Brown is a leadership educator and author based in Lisbon, Portugal. He likes to swim and play the piano, but not at the same time.
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