Techniques For Keeping Negotiations Collaborative

Conflict is inevitable. How we manage it is both an art and a science. In my work with executives, I often discuss Thomas Kilmann's five types of conflict managers: (1) The Competitor – Focuses on winning, sometimes forgetting there’s another human on the other side. (2) The Avoider – Pretends conflict doesn’t exist, hoping it disappears (spoiler: it doesn’t). (3) The Compromiser – Splits the difference, often leaving both sides feeling like nobody really wins. (4) The Accommodator – Prioritizes relationships over their own needs, sometimes at their own expense. (5) The Collaborator – Works hard to find a win-win, but it takes effort. The style we use during conflict depends on how we manage the tension between empathy and assertiveness. (a) Assertiveness: The ability to express your needs, boundaries, and interests clearly and confidently. It’s standing your ground—without steamrolling others. Competitors do this naturally, sometimes too much. Avoiders and accommodators? Not so much. (b) Empathy: The ability to recognize and consider the other person’s perspective, emotions, and needs. It’s stepping into their shoes before taking a step forward. Accommodators thrive here, sometimes at their own expense. Competitors? They might need a reminder that the other side has feelings too. Balancing both is the key to successful negotiation. Here’s how: - Know your default mode. Are you more likely to fight, flee, or fold? Self-awareness is step one. - Swap 'but' for 'and' – “I hear your concerns, and I’d like to explore a solution that works for both of us.” This keeps both voices in the conversation. - Be clear, not combative. Assertiveness isn’t aggression; it’s clarity. Replace “You’re wrong” with “I see it differently—here’s why.” - Make space for emotions. Negotiations aren’t just about logic. Acknowledge emotions (yours and theirs) so they don’t hijack the conversation. - Negotiate the process, not just the outcome. If you’re dealing with a competitor, set ground rules upfront. If it’s an avoider, create a low-stakes way to engage. Great negotiators don’t just stick to their natural style—they adapt. Which conflict style do you tend to default to? And how do you balance empathy with assertiveness? #ConflictResolution #Negotiation #Leadership #Empathy #Assertiveness #Leadership #DecisionMaking

Negotiations don’t go wrong—they start wrong. Through my experience, I can often tell within the first 30 minutes whether a negotiation will take a collaborative or positional direction. The early signals—the tone, structure, and mindset of the parties—set the course for either value creation or value extraction. Too often, negotiations begin with adversarial positioning, where each side stakes out demands, focuses on "winning," and sees concessions as the primary path to agreement. This zero-sum mentality is where most negotiations start wrong. The problem isn’t what happens later—it’s how we approach the process from the outset. Do you negotiate how to negotiate before you start negotiating? This is a game-changer. Before discussing numbers or terms, set the stage for success. Consider opening with: "I am here today to help you reduce your risk, cost, and liabilities while improving your profits. Would you be interested in having me assist you with this?" This shifts the conversation from position-based bargaining to problem-solving and mutual value creation. SMARTnership® negotiation flips the traditional approach. Instead of defaulting to competitive bargaining, it starts by identifying asymmetric values, trust currency, and hidden gains that can turn the negotiation into a collaborative value-maximizing process. The real difference lies in: ✔ Mindset: Are we here to protect our own turf or explore mutual benefit?  ✔ Communication: Is the focus on claiming or creating value?  ✔ Trust: Is there openness to share real needs, costs, and priorities? If the first 30 minutes are spent staking positions, debating individual gains, or withholding critical information, the negotiation is already off track. But if we establish transparency, mutual benefit, and creative problem-solving early on, we unlock the hidden potential of the deal. Next time you step into a negotiation, ask yourself: Are we starting right? #Negotiation #SMARTnership #ValueCreation #TrustCurrency Tarek Amine Tine Anneberg Francis Goh, FSIArb, FCIArb Francisco Cosme Gražvydas Jukna Juan Manuel García P. Darryl Legault World Commerce & Contracting BMI Executive Institute #negotiationtraining Daniel McLuskie

When negotiating, do you think the big wins happen at the table? They don't! The real magic happens before the first word is spoken. Success in 80% of negotiations is due to preparation. It's taking small steps to control the process, foresee challenges, and set small goals. I coached a procurement manager stuck in a deadlock with a supplier. Both sides had drawn firm lines: • The supplier demanded upfront payments. • The procurement team refused. • They feared cash flow issues. For weeks, the talk had gone in circles. It made no progress. When I stepped in, I asked one question: “𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙙𝙤𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙪𝙥𝙥𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙧 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙?” The team realized the supplier's main concern wasn't money. It was to reduce delivery risks. By focusing on interests, not positions, we found a solution: 𝗔 𝘀𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘂𝗽𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗻𝘁 𝗽𝗮𝘆𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁, 𝗽𝗹𝘂𝘀 𝗺𝗶𝗹𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝘆𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 𝘁𝗶𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗲𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗽𝗵𝗮𝘀𝗲𝘀. The result? The deal closed in two days, with terms that worked for both sides. That negotiation taught me this: →  Preparation isn't just logical. → It's also strategic and emotional. I'm happy to share here how I prepare for a negotiation: 𝗦𝗲𝘁 𝗦𝗠𝗔𝗥𝗧 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗲. • Be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. • No vague goals like “get the best deal,” aim for concrete outcomes: → Add a long-term partnership clause → Reduce delivery timelines by 10% → Secure flexible payment terms 𝗙𝗼𝗰𝘂𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁𝘀, 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀. • Ask, why does the other side want this? • When you negotiate based on interests, you create options that meet both parties’ needs. 𝗣𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗠𝘂𝗹𝘁𝗶𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗼𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿𝘀 (𝗠𝗘𝗦𝗢𝘀) • Successful comes with always having options ready. For example: → Offer A: A 5% discount for upfront payments. → Offer B: Standard payment terms and extended service coverage. If you present choices, you reduce deadlock and keep control of the conversation. 𝗨𝘀𝗲 𝗘𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗜𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲. 𝗡𝗲𝗴𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗶𝘀𝗻'𝘁 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗹𝗼𝗴𝗶𝗰—𝗶𝘁'𝘀 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻. • Practice self-awareness to stay composed under pressure. • Show empathy to build trust. • Use "Feel, Felt, Found" on objections, and it'll guide decisions. Negotiation is like a dance. Both sides need to move in sync, adjusting their steps as they go, to create a harmonious outcome. And the best dances are choreographed long before the music starts. So, what’s been your biggest negotiation breakthrough? Have you ever unlocked a deal by shifting focus from demands to solutions? Found success by preparing better than your counterpart? Drop your story in the comments—I’d love to hear it. Or DM me if this resonates with a challenge you’re navigating. Let’s talk about what works.

Without trust, nothing moves in negotiation. Few negotiators have a strategy to build it. You’ll learn six proven moves to build trust, even when time is short or stakes are high. I’ve helped corporate leaders negotiate high-stakes deals in over 30 countries, where trust builds access and leverage. In high-trust negotiations, joint gains increase by over 40%, according to research. Trust isn’t a luxury in negotiation. It’s your license to operate. Yet we often rush the process: ✔ Withhold information ✔ Play it safe ✔ Miss the bigger win Here are six concrete moves from Harvard's PON (Program on Negotiation) to build trust quickly, even with strangers: 1️⃣ Speak their language: Not just industry lingo. Show cultural fluency and listen for nuance. A single word misunderstood can knock you out. 𝘛𝘪𝘱: Prep to show curiosity, not ignorance. 2️⃣ Use your reputation: If trust isn’t built yet, borrow it. Share your track record or get an intro from someone they trust. 𝘛𝘪𝘱: Third-party validation can break early resistance. 3️⃣ Make dependence visible: Highlight how you both need each other to win. Scarcity fosters cooperation; just don’t overplay it. 𝘛𝘪𝘱: Say, "Here’s what only we can offer you." 4️⃣ Offer a no-strings concession: Low cost to you, high value to them? That’s the trust jackpot. 𝘛𝘪𝘱: Gift first, then negotiate. 5️⃣ Label every concession: If you don’t say it’s a concession, they won’t treat it like one. 𝘛𝘪𝘱: Spell out what it costs you and why it matters. 6️⃣ Explain your demands: People default to assuming the worst. A clear rationale for your ask makes you seem fair. 𝘛𝘪𝘱: Even if they don’t like it, they’ll trust it. Trust isn’t a feeling, it’s the outcome of visible, intentional behavior. Which of these six trust-builders do you use most, and which one do you forget? Let me know in the comments. Save this list for your next tough negotiation. ♻️ Share if this made you rethink how you build trust. 

One of the most valuable skills I’ve learned over the years isn’t how to “win” a negotiation, it’s how to create more value from it. Because in high-stakes negotiations, the real risk isn’t losing the deal. It’s settling for the wrong one or leaving value on the table because you didn’t ask for enough. Dr. Victoria Husted Medvec at Kellogg offers a framework I’ve found incredibly useful. Her approach to negotiation goes beyond tactics — it’s about shaping outcomes that create value on both sides. A few of her core principles that have stuck with me: - Know your true objectives. Not just price — but business value, differentiation, and long-term relationship impact. - Don’t get stuck on a single issue. Bring multiple variables to the table so you can trade, not just concede. - Set the tone and direction of the negotiation. Understanding the other side’s BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement, a backup plan) gives you leverage and clarity. - Offer multiple equivalent proposals. Presenting three strong options reveals their priorities while keeping you in control. - Lead the conversation in their language. Frame your proposal as a solution to their problems — not just your ask. Negotiation is rarely just about facts and numbers. It’s about psychology, timing, and trust. In my experience, the best negotiators aren’t the ones who “win” at the other’s expense. They’re the ones who walk away having built a relationship — and expanded the pie. What’s the most effective negotiation strategy you’ve ever used or seen in action?

I walked away from a negotiation that looked like a win… but it was a loss. That is the real warning sign. When only one party walks away satisfied, nobody truly wins. That moment pushed me to create something new: Win-Win Negotiations for Leaders™. Negotiation is never about being the smartest person in the room. It is about being the most strategic one. Success in negotiation is not forged in dramatic moments. It is shaped in the daily habits leaders overlook. Small behaviours compound into major outcomes. Here are five subtle but powerful behaviours that separate average dealmakers from strategic leaders: The 5 Win-Win Reminders 1. “Yes, And…” instead of “Yeah, But…” ↳ Your language either opens a door or closes it. Additive framing builds possibilities. Defensive framing kills them. 2. Use Silence as a Signal ↳ Silence is data. The pause after your proposal is often where the truth sits. Strategic leaders resist the impulse to fill the gap. 3. Mislabel Priorities to Reveal the Real Ones ↳ Call something important when it is not, or downplay what you suspect matters. Watch how quickly the other party corrects you. Clarity emerges in the correction. 4. Trade Small Details Early to Build Trust ↳ Offer a light personal detail or minor preference. It is a strategic trust cue. Reciprocity does the rest. 5. Present Multiple Equivalent Offers (MESOs) ↳ Give two or three options that are equal in value to you. The other side will naturally disclose what matters most. That is where the real deal begins. Every negotiation is a reflection of your leadership. Whether it is a contract, a collaboration, or a job offer, both parties must walk away knowing they gained. Which one of these techniques are you guilty of underusing? Which one will you test this week? Strategic leaders negotiate for mutual elevation, not ego-driven victory. - - - - - - - - - Hi, I am 🎙️Fola F. Alabi I help organizations and leaders do less yet achieve more by mastering strategic capabilities, project intelligence, and value-driven leadership. Redefining business lifestyle for all-round success. Known by many as the Einstein of Strategic Leadership and Project Value Delivery. The Strata Catalyst™ – Your Business Lifestyle Strategist.

I used to hate negotiating… Until this one perspective shift allowed me to form stronger, more mutually beneficial partnerships 👇 Realizing that good negotiations aren't about winning or losing. They're about building trust and finding ways both sides can win. How do you do that? ✔️ Listen more than you speak. Understanding their needs and priorities is the best way to determine if the partnership is a good fit for both. ✔️ Communicate your value proposition clearly. Lay down what you bring to the table and how it benefits the other party. ✔️ Ask open-ended, insightful questions. Avoid the “are you…” or “do you…” questions, and ask how/why instead. This gives the other party more runway to share their thoughts. ✔️ Reframe the conversation to focus on shared goals. Shift the focus from “what I want” to “what we can achieve together.” The best deals I've made came from having genuine conversations with the other person.