Apology and Accountability

Friday truth: Something went wrong. And before anyone could point fingers, they spoke first. 💜 "That was on me." No qualifiers. No context-setting. No waiting to see where the blame would land. Just ownership. This is The Accountability Owner. WHAT MAKES AN ACCOUNTABILITY OWNER DIFFERENT: ✨ It's not about taking blame for everything. It's about being the first to own your part...before anyone asks. When a project misses the mark: "Before we debrief what happened, let me start with what I could have done differently." When their team falls short: They don't throw people under the bus. "The outcome is on me. I'm the leader. Let's talk about what I missed." When they're tempted to lead with context: They catch themselves. Instead of "The timeline was tight and we didn't have the resources..." they say "I didn't push back on the timeline when I should have. That's on me." When others are deflecting: They don't join in. They model the opposite. "I can't speak to what others could have done. Here's what I'm owning." Plot twist: Accountability Owners don't lose respect by admitting fault. They earn it. Because people follow leaders who own their mistakes...not leaders who are never wrong. 🎯 WHY THIS MATTERS: When you own accountability first, you change the room. You give others permission to stop defending and start problem-solving. You create a culture where mistakes are learning moments, not career-enders. You build a team that trusts you'll protect them because you're not looking for someone to blame. The opposite? Teams that spend more energy covering their tracks than fixing the problem. Leaders who are never at fault—and never fully trusted. HOW TO BUILD THIS MUSCLE: In your next post-mortem, speak first. Start with what you own before anyone else has a chance to point fingers. When you catch yourself leading with context ("The situation was..."), pause. Reframe to ownership ("What I could have done differently is..."). Practice saying "That was on me" without the word "but" after it. Ask your team: "What do you need from me that you're not getting?" Then listen without defending. Your turn: Who's an Accountability Owner you've worked with? What did they do that earned your trust? Let's normalize leaders who say "that was on me" instead of "that was on them." 💜👇 #Leadership #ExecutiveLeadership #LeadershipDevelopment #Accountability

Leadership Without Excuses! Integrity is the cornerstone of great leadership, and few things define a leader’s character more than their ability to own their actions without excuses. Leaders who take full responsibility for their decisions, both good and bad, foster trust, accountability, and respect within their teams. However, the moment an apology is diluted with an excuse, its power is lost. Why Owning Your Actions Matters in Leadership. In leadership, mistakes are inevitable. What sets great leaders apart is how they respond when things go wrong. Do they shift blame, make justifications, or downplay their role? Or do they step up, acknowledge the mistake, and commit to making it right? Excuses Undermine Credibility. When leaders add an excuse to an apology, "I'm sorry, but..." they are subtly deflecting responsibility. Instead of demonstrating accountability, they create doubt. Employees and colleagues respect leaders who admit when they are wrong and work toward solutions rather than those who justify missteps. Apologies Without Excuses Build Trust. A sincere, excuse-free apology shows strength and humility. When a leader says, "I made a mistake, and I take full responsibility for it," they model accountability, setting the tone for the entire team. This transparency fosters a culture of honest communication and psychological safety where team members feel empowered to take ownership of their own actions. Accountability Fuels Growth and Improvement. Owning your actions isn’t just about making things right, it’s about learning and evolving. Excuses prevent growth because they shift focus away from the real issue. Leaders who acknowledge their mistakes can reflect, adapt, and lead more effectively in the future. How to Apologize Like a True Leader. If you need to apologize as a leader, keep it simple and powerful: ✅ Acknowledge the mistake – "I made an error in judgment." ✅ Take full responsibility – "This was my decision, and I own the outcome." ✅ Express genuine remorse – "I understand that this affected the team, and I regret that." ✅ Commit to improvement – "Here’s what I’m doing to ensure this doesn’t happen again." Avoid phrases like: ❌ "I’m sorry, but if circumstances were different..." ❌ "I didn’t mean for this to happen..." ❌ "I was just following what I thought was best at the time..." Leading With Integrity: No Excuses, Just Ownership. The best leaders understand that owning their actions is not a sign of weakness but of strength. They recognize that accountability is not just about admitting mistakes, it’s about setting a standard for the entire organization. When leaders model true integrity by taking responsibility, they inspire their teams to do the same. Never ruin an apology with an excuse. Own it, learn from it, and move forward with integrity. That’s what true leadership is all about.

“When most people say ‘I’m sorry,’ they are not sorry for what they did—they are sorry for what they lost or that they got caught. It is not the behavior they regret, but the consequences it brought.” —Harry Petsanis Apologies have become performance art—spoken more out of necessity than sincerity. In a world where public image often matters more than private integrity, most apologies are not rooted in reflection but in reaction. People say “I’m sorry” not because they understand the damage they’ve done, but because they’re dealing with the fallout. True remorse involves accountability. It requires someone to sit with the discomfort of their choices, not just the consequences. It means taking ownership without excuses, recognizing the hurt they’ve caused, and committing to do better—not just to look better. Most people aren’t interested in that process. They’re interested in damage control. Watch the difference: Someone truly sorry will listen, validate, ask how to make things right, and change their behavior. Someone who regrets the consequences will justify, deflect, offer vague apologies, and return to their patterns the moment the tension lifts. That’s why it’s important to not confuse regret with repentance. Regret is emotional. Repentance is behavioral. One makes you feel something. The other makes you do something different. When someone apologizes to you, pay attention not to the words, but what comes after. Do they shift blame? Repeat the same actions? Disappear once they’ve been forgiven? Or do they take responsibility, adjust their behavior, and honor the pain they caused? And more importantly—when you say “I’m sorry,” ask yourself: Is it because you truly understand the impact you had—or because you’re trying to protect your image or escape the consequences? Growth demands brutal self-honesty. Don’t just feel bad. Do better. That’s where integrity lives. #EmptyApologies #TrueRemorse #AccountabilityMatters #RegretVsRemorse “Most People Regret the Consequences—Not the Behavior” by Harry Petsanis and Jae Duran

As leaders, we strive for excellence, but mistakes are inevitable. How we handle them defines us. One of the most powerful phrases a leader can say is "mea culpa" – my fault. This lesson has held true many times throughout my career. In one instance, my boss informed me of a very public and embarrassing error my team made on a project. I immediately sent an email to the responsible team member and copied the whole team to communicate that we needed to do better. Another team member courageously told me privately that being copied on the email made everyone uncomfortable. Recognizing the impact, I called a team meeting. I openly acknowledged my error, apologized, and took full responsibility. Then we collaborated to identify how we could mitigate the original project error from happening again in the future. Admitting mistakes shows vulnerability and a commitment to improvement. It also strengthens team cohesion and communication. Research by Amy Edmondson at Harvard Business School supports this approach. She found that leaders who admit their mistakes create a culture of psychological safety, where team members feel safe to speak up and learn from failures without fear of blame. In leadership, saying "mea culpa" isn't a sign of weakness. It's a commitment to integrity and growth. It shows we value honesty over ego and learning over perfection. How have you handled mistakes?

Last week, one of my clients started our call with, "Why can't some people just accept an apology and move on?" I asked for context. He explained, and we pulled up a recording of the apology from Zoom. After watching it, I said, "You said sorry; you didn't actually apologize." He looked confused. I explained. The definition of an apology is to express regret for something done wrong. You didn't express regret. You didn't acknowledge wrongdoing. You just said, "I am sorry." It wasn't enough, and the timing was off. Apologies are a nuanced area of human communication. I'll explain this complexity while giving you a structure for a perfect apology. This is just a brief overview. Points about apologies: First, a social "sorry" and apologizing are different. People say sorry as a reflex even when innocent. Yesterday in an elevator, I felt I was blocking buttons and said a quick social sorry. "Sorry" takes little effort. Apologies take planning, awareness, and people skills to make the desired impact. Second, an apology requires awareness of: 1) the agreement you broke, 2) your impact on others, 3) willingness to take responsibility. People get annoyed about apologizing because they view behavior through their own lens, not understanding their impact on others. Third, an apology has setting and timing. My client apologized at the end of a meeting where the person was distracted taking notes. Apologize when the person can hear you. Fourth, an apology is about taking 100% responsibility. It's not about getting the other person to apologize or highlighting what they did. It's about your impact. Done well, the other person often drops their guard and states their role. Fifth, corporate apologies often need unique crafting due to our legal system and HR compliance. A structure for a perfect apology: 1. Admit to yourself you did something wrong. Put yourself in their shoes and think about your impact. 2. Be in the personal headspace to apologize. Feel in control of your behavior. 3. Start with what you did. Don't sugarcoat. State the facts. 4. State your potential impact. Bonus: Ask for their perspective. 5. Make a genuine apology THEY can hear. 6. Promise it won't happen again with a mechanism explaining why. 7. Ask if there's anything else needed to move forward. I went over this structure, and my client came up with: "Before we get into this, I want to say I dismissed you multiple times in that meeting. Every time you spoke, I cut you off and didn't give you space to reflect on your ideas. This relates to you not feeling able to lead when I'm in the room. I'm really sorry, and this won't happen again. I'll make clear these are your meetings and we'll discuss differences privately. Is there anything I can do to better support you or adjustments we should make?" If I were an Olympic judge, I'd give this an 8. His delivery was quick, but it worked. Who do you need to apologize to? Use the structure above. Let me know how it goes

Most leaders think apologizing is enough to rebuild trust. It’s not. Even a great apology—one that owns the mistake and acknowledges the impact—won’t rebuild trust on its own. Because trust isn’t rebuilt with words. It’s rebuilt with actions. When a leader breaks trust, they don’t just reset the relationship. They fracture it. And healing that fracture takes more than “I’m sorry.” It takes: • Owning the mistake • Acknowledging the impact • Demonstrating changed behavior over time If your team doesn’t see you changing, they won’t believe you’ve changed. 🔁 The loop of trust doesn’t restart—it must be repaired. Leadership isn’t about perfection. It’s about accountability. What’s the best example you’ve seen of a leader rebuilding trust?

I’m a CISO. And last year, I became the very "insider threat" I warn my board about. No one likes to admit they messed up, especially when their entire job is centered on "not messing up." But if we want to build a culture of security, we have to start with radical honesty at the top. The Mistake: I was working on a personal side project and needed a specific utility tool. Instead of going through our standard procurement and vetting process—which I helped write—I took a shortcut. I downloaded a "freeware" version from a third-party site. Within 10 minutes, our EDR (Endpoint Detection and Response) flagged a suspicious DLL injection. I hadn't just downloaded a tool; I had invited a Trojan into our environment. The Reality Check: I felt the blood drain from my face. I knew better. I’m the one who signs off on the "Shadow IT" reports. Yet, in a moment of "I just need to get this done," I prioritized speed over the very guardrails I expect everyone else to follow. What I Learned (The Hard Way): Convenience is the Enemy of Security: Even for experts. If a process is too clunky, people (including me) will bypass it. We need to make the "secure way" the "easy way." Accountability is a Mirror: I called my SOC lead immediately. I didn't pull rank. I asked them to treat my machine like any other compromised asset. If leadership is exempt from the rules, the rules don't exist. The "Human" in Human Error: We often talk about "training" users, but we forget that stress and urgency can make even the most seasoned pro click the wrong link. The Path Forward: We’ve used this incident as a "blameless post-mortem" within the team. We are now: Streamlining our software request portal to reduce "Procurement Friction." Implementing stricter application whitelisting for all privileged accounts (including mine). Encouraging a "No-Shame" reporting culture—because the faster we know, the faster we fix. Security isn't about being perfect; it's about being resilient. I’m grateful for my team’s quick response and for the reminder that I am just as human as the users I protect.

When things go wrong, average leaders look for explanations. Great leaders look in the mirror. Accountability isn't about blame; it's about ownership. It's the recognition that as a leader, you're responsible for the outcomes your team produces, full stop. If the project failed, you either hired the wrong people, set unclear expectations, failed to remove obstacles, or didn't course-correct soon enough. There's always something within your control that could have changed the result. I try to remind myself of this whenever I'm tempted to point fingers. It's not easy; the natural instinct is to protect yourself, to explain why external factors caused the problem. But I've found that when I ask "what could I have done differently" instead of looking for external reasons, I reclaim my power to improve. The blame game keeps you stuck; ownership keeps you moving forward. Your team notices this too. When a leader says "that's on me" without hedging or deflecting, it creates psychological safety. It tells everyone that mistakes are data, not disasters. It gives people permission to take risks and own their failures too. I've seen what happens when leaders consistently take the weight; their teams trust them more, work harder, and aren't afraid to admit their own mistakes. That's what leaders do, own the mistake and share the credit.

Every one—every lawyer, every human—makes mistakes. If you’re a junior associate and you’ve realized you’ve made a mistake—maybe a typo in a filing, a missed detail, or something bigger—I want you to know: you are not alone, and you are not a failure. When I first started in big law, I was convinced that everyone else had it together. My brain lied to me: “No one else is doubting. No one else ever messes up.” That’s simply not true. Every attorney, no matter how senior, has a story about a mistake—one (and often more than one) that still makes them cringe, or laugh, or remember how much they blew it out of proportion. Here’s what I wish I’d known sooner: Mistakes are inevitable. They don’t define your value or your future. Most mistakes are fixable—if you act quickly, own them, and ask for help. The hardest part is often forgiving yourself and moving on. If you’re in that moment right now, here’s my framework: Breathe. Let yourself feel the disappointment, but set a timer if you need to—then move forward. Act. What happened? What’s the plan to fix it? Who can help? How do we avoid it in the future? Own it. Tell the senior associate or partner, apologize, share your plan to correct it, and your plan to prevent it next time. Move on. Don’t let one mistake become your whole story. You’re human, and so is everyone else. And to the managers and partners reading this: how you respond matters. I’ve experienced the reactions that made me want to hide mistakes rather than fix them. We can break that cycle. We can choose to be kind, to listen before reacting, to help fix the problem and turn it into a teaching moment. Most people want to do good work. Most associates won’t be repeat offenders. React from that place, and you’ll build trust, retain talent, and create stronger teams. Mistakes happen. What matters is how we handle them—both when we make them, and when someone brings one to us. That’s where real growth and real leadership live. ♥️✌🏻🔥 #LawyerWellbeing #Leadership #BigLaw #Mentorship #ProfessionalGrowth Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed here are solely my own and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Husch Blackwell LLP or any other organization. Examples are generalized and do not reflect current client matters or firm positions.

Real talk. Learning when and when 𝘯𝘰𝘵 to apologize is a growth edge for me. 𝗔 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘄𝘁𝗵 𝗲𝗱𝗴𝗲 is the boundary between your known capabilities and the unknown territory of potential development, representing a challenging opportunity to learn, grow, and expand your skills and comfort zone. 𝙄𝙩'𝙨 𝙖 𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙩, 𝙛𝙚𝙖𝙧, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙨𝙞𝙜𝙣𝙖𝙡𝙨 𝙖𝙣 𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙖 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙨𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣, where you can develop new abilities and achieve bolder goals by taking small, intentional steps beyond your usual patterns. There are definitely things we should be accountable for and apologize for like: • Taking credit (or forgetting to give credit) for someone else’s work. • Missing deadlines, breaking promises, or dropping the ball without communication. • Speaking or reacting poorly — interrupting, dismissing, snapping, or shutting down. • Giving unclear direction or leaving people out of the loop. • Ignoring boundaries or excluding people from recognition, meetings, or decisions. • Neglecting relationships — failing to check in, celebrate, or support. • Breaking trust in ways big or small. BUT there's also a long list of things we often apologize for but don't need to: • Taking time off — vacation, sick days, mental health days. • Asking questions — seeking clarity doesn’t make you a burden. • Saying no — to protect your boundaries, priorities, or energy. • Needing help — collaboration is strength, not weakness. • Having feelings — being tired, stressed, frustrated, or excited. • Changing your mind — growth means adjusting when you learn new info. • Being yourself — your style, voice, and perspective are part of your value. These lists make me uncomfortable. They trigger my recovering perfectionist. I feel cringy thinking about all of the times I should have apologized and didn't even realize it. I also feel tender toward my past self who apologized or felt so guilty for so many of the things on that second list. But I like it. I'm learning to like becoming aware of the places where I need to grow. It can be awkward and sometimes painful. But on the other side of that growth is light and freedom and spaciousness. 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗼𝗳 - 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻 - 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗮𝗽𝗼𝗹𝗼𝗴𝗶𝘇𝗶𝗻𝗴 - 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗮𝗿𝗲, 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘂𝗽 𝘀𝗽𝗮𝗰𝗲, 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀, 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝘂𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗽𝘂𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝗼𝘅𝘆𝗴𝗲𝗻 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝗸 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁. These are the people I admire, and who I want to emulate. Alice Tilles, Anna Perez, Alicia Ellis, and Alexandra Polk, MEd, SHRM-CP are a few people on our team at ECI Software Solutions who immediately come to mind. Their passion and joy is contagious. Not sorry for saying this. 😋