Improving Active Listening Habits

💡𝗔𝗿𝗲 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗟𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗼𝗿 𝗝𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗪𝗮𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗦𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗸? As technical experts, leaders are often very skilled at presenting complex information. But communication isn't just about talking—it's about truly hearing what others are saying. As an executive coach and management professor, I've observed that the most transformative leaders are often those who have mastered the art of active listening. Active listening is more than a soft skill—it's a strategic leadership competency that can revolutionize workplace dynamics, boost employee engagement, and drive organizational performance. Let me break down five critical components of active listening that can turn ordinary managers into exceptional leaders: 1️⃣ 𝘼𝙫𝙤𝙞𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙅𝙪𝙙𝙜𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩: Create an open channel for learning and connection - Suspend your preconceptions and personal biases. - Approach conversations with genuine curiosity and openness. - Recognize that your role is to understand, not to immediately evaluate or critique. 2️⃣ 𝘼𝙘𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬𝙡𝙚𝙙𝙜𝙞𝙣𝙜: Validate the speaker's experience - Use non-verbal cues like maintaining eye contact and nodding. - Provide verbal affirmations that demonstrate you're actively engaged, paying attention, and interested in what they are saying. - Reflect back emotions you're sensing to show deep empathy and understanding. 3️⃣ 𝘼𝙨𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙌𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨: Dive deeper into understanding - Craft open-ended questions that invite meaningful dialogue. - Use probing questions to uncover underlying motivations and perspectives. - Show genuine interest in the speaker's thought process, not just the surface-level information. 4️⃣ 𝘾𝙝𝙚𝙘𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙐𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜: Ensure you're on the same page - Paraphrase key points to confirm your interpretation. - Ask clarifying questions to eliminate potential misunderstandings. - Demonstrate that you've not just heard, but truly comprehended the message. 5️⃣ 𝙍𝙚𝙨𝙥𝙤𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜: Provide thoughtful, constructive feedback - Respond with empathy and respect. - Offer insights that build upon the speaker's perspective. - Create a collaborative dialogue that moves toward solutions. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗕𝗼𝘁𝘁𝗼𝗺 𝗟𝗶𝗻𝗲 Active listening is a powerful leadership skill that can transform organizational culture. It builds trust, enhances collaboration, and creates an environment where employees feel genuinely heard and valued. This week I'm training senior leaders at the World Health Organization how to give and receive feedback skillfully. If you are interested in elevating your organization's communication and performance, let's connect and discuss how we can unlock your team's full potential. 💡 Leadership Development Workshops 🔍 Executive Coaching 📊 Performance Management & Coaching Skills Training #LeadershipDevelopment #ActiveListening #Feedback #ExecutiveCoaching

The #1 Leadership Skill That Most Leaders Get Wrong I bet you've heard this before → it's active listening. But what does it really mean? After many years in leadership roles, I've noticed this: People enjoy working with me when they see that I genuinely focus, listen, and seek to understand the conversation—not just respond immediately. Harvard Business Review defines active listening as a skill that turns conversations into “non-competitive, two-way interactions”—where you tune into both someone’s words and emotions. Why does this matter? • Great listeners are seen as more trustworthy and empathetic (HBR) • 79% of employees who trust their employer are more motivated to work (Deloitte) • 70% of team engagement is attributable to the manager (Gallup) • Yet only 56% of employees feel their senior leaders listen. (TrainingMag) Why is this happening? Most of us think we're listening, but we're just waiting for our turn to talk. With so many tasks demanding attention, it's easy to have little patience for conversations. However, I've found the opposite approach brings better results: Active listening builds trust. In a work culture, prioritizing trust over hierarchy makes people feel confident sharing ideas and concerns with leadership, as HBR notes. More trust = more information for leadership to make smarter decisions → a stronger company. For me, these 7 tips have been invaluable for becoming an active listener: 1. Be fully present – Treat each conversation as an experience requiring full attention, not something you do while multitasking. 2. Practice empathy – Understand what the speaker is feeling and verbalize it. 3. Resist the urge to interrupt – Don't divert the conversation into your own stories. 4. Paraphrase and summarize – Say, "What I'm hearing is..." instead of sharing your opinion right away. 5. Ask questions that benefit the speaker – Prioritize understanding their message over your curiosity. 6. Help them find their own solution – Guide the speaker to create solutions rather than impose yours. 7. Ask open-ended questions – "What else should I know?" helps them elaborate and deepens understanding. Trust the process: When teams feel truly heard, they commit with more passion. They bring fresh ideas. They work with us, not just for us. At AVID Products, this philosophy has helped us navigate challenges as a leading EdTech company and build a work culture where people want to stay and contribute for 10, 15, and even more years. When applying these principles, remember—only listen when you have time. Don’t do it halfway. Be upfront about how much time you can give, and offer full attention, listening, and empathy.

My therapist taught me something during couples counseling that I now use more in the courtroom than in my marriage. It's called active listening. And it's transformed how I communicate with clients, colleagues, and students. Here's the simple technique: Listen to what someone says. Then repeat it back to them in your own words. That's it. It sounds almost too simple to matter, but here's why it works: When you repeat back what you've heard, the other person gets to confirm whether you actually understood them. They can clarify if you missed something. They feel heard. In couples therapy, this saved countless arguments. My partner would say something, I'd repeat it back, and suddenly we were actually communicating instead of talking past each other. But the real revelation came when I started using it in my practice. With clients, it's a game-changer. They'll tell me their story, their concerns, their fears. I'll summarize what I heard. Half the time, they'll say "Yes, exactly." The other half, they'll add crucial details I would have missed. Either way, we're on the same page. With colleagues, it builds trust. When you demonstrate that you've actually listened to someone's concern or advice, they're more likely to engage with you honestly. With students, it's how I teach. They'll explain their understanding of a legal concept. I'll reflect it back. If they got it wrong, we can correct it immediately. If they got it right, they feel confident. The technique works because most of us don't actually listen. We wait for our turn to talk. We formulate responses while the other person is still speaking. We assume we know what they're going to say. But active listening forces you to be present. It's not about agreeing with everything someone says. It's about understanding what they're actually saying before you respond. In a profession as lonely as criminal defense, this simple practice creates connection. It builds community. It reminds you that communication is a two-way street. So go ahead my fellow readers: Try it in your next conversation. Listen. Repeat back what you heard. And see what happens. You might be surprised at how much you've been missing.

I thought I understood what it meant to listen. But a recent training showed me just how much better I could be. Here’s one of the biggest takeaways: Sometimes, we listen just to respond. But, when you’re so focused on your answer or jumping in with solutions, you’re not fully present. You’re half-listening, waiting for your turn to speak, and in doing so you’re shutting yourself off from others’ perspectives. My kids would say, “You’re not letting me talk,” and honestly, they were right. The truth is, we’re sharper and more insightful when we actively listen. But active listening takes intention and sometimes it requires unlearning old habits to build new ones. Here are the things I want to start doing: – Let the person finish before judging – Turn off all technology – Summarize what they’re saying – Ask questions to encourage them to elaborate – Physically face the speaker Here are things I want to stop doing: – Interjecting with disagreement – Interrupting – Planning what I’m going to say – Letting my mind wander – Pretending to listen Listening isn’t passive. It’s active, it’s intentional, and it’s one of the hardest skills to get right. But when you do, it changes everything. Your work, your relationships, and your own growth.

UNPOPULAR OPINION: Most people think they're good listeners. They're not. And it's costing them everything 👇🏼 Our inability to do it is destroying our relationships, our businesses, and our ability to solve actual problems. A friend who's an IT executive at a high-profile tech company told me something that stopped me cold: "The difference between good engineers and great engineers isn't intelligence. It's whether they can get to the root of the issue. Because without understanding the core problem, you can spend millions of dollars and endless energy solving the wrong thing." And we're doing this every single day in our conversations. 📉 That argument with your partner that keeps happening. You're probably solving the wrong problem. 📉 That project at work that's spinning its wheels? Someone missed what the actual issue was. 📉 That friend who keeps pulling away. You never heard what they were actually trying to tell you. We optimized for speed and got misunderstanding. We chose quick comprehension over deep understanding. In return, we've gotten: • Broken relationships • Failed projects. • Wasted years solving problems that were never the real problem. Honestly, the most effective people I know aren't the fastest listeners... they're the most thorough ones. They ask the question that makes you stop and think. They're willing to look slow because they know that understanding the wrong thing quickly is the most expensive mistake you can make. Let's kill this "active listening" performance once and for all. You know what real listening looks like? ✅It looks like being willing to be completely wrong about what you thought someone meant. ✅It looks like asking questions that slow the conversation down instead of speeding it up. ✅It looks like caring more about understanding than about being understood. My life changed when I stopped trying to listen faster and started trying to be wrong more often. The best question I've learned to ask: "Can you say more about that?" Not because I'm being polite. Because I know that what I think I heard is probably not what they meant. I say all of this to say that everything in life has a trade-off. Surface-level listening is easy and efficient. Deep listening is slow and demands something from you. Before you rush to respond, get really really clear on the trade-off you're making. And if your relationships currently lack depth, maybe the cure isn't better communication skills... maybe it's actually caring enough to understand what's really being said. Maybe it's not "active listening" we should be aiming for. Maybe it's courageous listening. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest. It's been on my chest since that conversation with my friend. I'm keen to hear your honest opinion 👇🏼 - when was the last time someone really listened to you? What did they do differently?

Listening is a skill I’ve never truly mastered I tend to fill silences when I should leave space. I often jump to making suggestions instead of asking questions. I sometimes wonder if I focus more on what I’ll say next rather than truly hearing what’s being said. These are weaknesses. But tackling a weakness can only happen once you accept it. And now I am working on it. Because being a better listener isn’t just about being polite — it’s essential for building trust, understanding others, and making better decisions. So here’s what I’m trying to do to get better: 1. Pausing for 3 seconds before responding. 🤫 It’s hard for me to pause purposefully, but research shows that leaving a small gap rather than filling it encourages the other person to elaborate. 2. Maintaining eye contact — but not too much. Looking away occasionally makes people feel less pressured and more open. Which is of course what I want. 3. Making an effort to ask open-ended questions instead of giving advice. Offering unsolicited solutions is a bad habit, just ask anyone I work with. “Can you tell me more about that?” works better than jumping in with advice that starts with me saying: “If I was you this is what I’d do…” 4. Summarising what I’ve heard to check my understanding. Saying “What I’m hearing is…” helps clarify miscommunication and shows I’ve been paying attention. It’s one of the techniques I learned from master negotiator Chris Voss’ books. 🤔 5. Physically removing distractions. If music is on in the background I turn it off or down. And putting my phone out of sight and out of reach makes an immediate difference in how present I am with people. Being a better listener takes effort — it’s about being intentional and patient. I’m still a very long way from perfect, but progress matters more than perfection. What’s one thing you’ve done to become a better listener? I’m all ears!

💛 𝗙𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗕𝗼𝘀𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗕𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗼𝗻: 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗔𝗿𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗟𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗣𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗛𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁 💛 𝙀𝙭𝙚𝙘𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚 often brings to mind confidence, charisma, and the ability to command a room. But true presence goes beyond merely speaking well—it’s about 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻 and 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗼𝗼𝗺. 💛I love the 𝗖𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗳𝗼𝗿 "𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻" (“聽“ pronounced tīng). Listening is an art. The character symbolizes listening with our ear (耳) as you would pay attention to the king (王) 👑 a call to elevate listening to royal importance. In listening, we observing with our eyes (目) and listening from the heart (心), giving full focus on the person (ten is completion) (十). 💛 𝗔𝗹𝗯𝗲𝗿𝘁 𝗠𝗲𝗵𝗿𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗮𝗻’𝘀 𝟳-𝟯𝟴-𝟱𝟱 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗺𝗼𝗱𝗲𝗹 Words account for only 7% of our spoken message, while 38% comes from tone and voice, and a massive 55% from body language. If leaders listen only to words, they miss over 90% of what’s truly being communicated! To genuinely connect, we must tune in not just to the content but also to the tone, emotions, and unspoken signals in the room. Too often, leaders default to delivering a message one way, projecting their ideas without tuning into the signals around them. When we read our audience with an open mind and heart, we get a clearer picture of what’s really happening within our teams, with our customers, and throughout our organization. Actively listening is how we adapt and thrive. 💛 That is why coaching is the foundation of strong leadership. Before I launched my leadership programs, I began with an International Coaching Federation (ICF) coach certification program. Learning to listen at every level—words, body language, and tone—means that as leaders, we don’t just give instructions; we hear and understand. And that’s how we truly lead. 𝗧𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗲 𝗪𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗜𝗺𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗟𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗣𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲: 👑 #𝟭 𝗘𝗻𝗴𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗘𝘆𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗛𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁 Focus fully on the speaker—eye contact, nodding, and an open posture signal that you’re present. Listen not to respond but to understand. 👑 #𝟮 𝗟𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗘𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗡𝗼𝘁 𝗝𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗱𝘀 Be attuned to shifts in tone and pace. Often, emotions tell us more than the words themselves. 👑 #𝟯 𝗦𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗶𝘇𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗥𝗲𝗳𝗹𝗲𝗰𝘁 Recap what you’ve understood and check if you got it right. This shows respect, encourages open dialogue, and ensures you’re truly on the same page. "𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙥𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙞𝙨 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙖𝙠𝙨 𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙨 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚, 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙡𝙮 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙨, 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙗𝙚𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙫𝙤𝙞𝙘𝙚 𝙥𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙩." 𝘼𝙣𝙣𝙚 𝙋𝙝𝙚𝙮 How do you practice listening as a leader? Share your thoughts below! #ExecutivePresence #Listen #LeadershipSkills #Coaching #Speaker #Leadership #Trainer #Coach #trust

A few years ago, I worked with someone who barely spoke during team meetings. She wasn’t shy — she was just… listening. To the details. To the tension between the lines. To what no one else was saying out loud. Then one day, in the middle of a high-stress project, she asked a quiet question that shifted the entire direction. It was thoughtful, on point, and showed she had understood the problem better than anyone else. That was a moment of realization that you don’t have to be the loudest voice in the room to be the most valuable. We often underestimate listening as a soft skill. But the people who listen well: 👉 Ask better questions 👉 Notice what others miss 👉 Earn trust faster 👉 Make smarter decisions If you want to get better at listening (and we all should), here are a few simple takeaways: 📘 Books to check out: – The Lost Art of Listening by Michael P. Nichols – You’re Not Listening by Kate Murphy – Think Again by Adam Grant (especially the parts on intellectual humility) 💡 Habits to build: – Pause before you respond – Ask clarifying questions – Watch for what’s not being said – Listen to understand, not to reply The ability to truly listen — without ego, without rushing — is rare. But it’s something you can practice. Every day. In every conversation. Try it this week. Just listen a little longer. You’ll be surprised what you start to notice. #listening #softskills #communication #leadership #books

💡I Thought I Was an Active Listener — Until I Became an Executive Coach BLUF: I’ve learned that what I was doing wasn’t active listening — it was strategic hearing. Your ability to listen deeply may be your greatest untapped superpower. For 25 years, I thought I had mastered the art of listening. As a lawyer who conducted depositions multiple times a week and later as a consultant advising executives, I took pride in being attentive to every word, pause, and nuance. Listening was my job — or so I believed. But now, as I near the completion of my Executive Coaching Certification, I’ve realized that what I was doing wasn’t active listening — it was strategic hearing. I was listening for what I needed to respond, prove, or persuade. Coaching has taught me something deeper: Being present is an entirely different level of listening. 🎧 The Lesson from HBR: Listening Is Work In “How to Become a Better Listener” (Harvard Business Review, Dec 2021), Robin Abrahams and Boris Groysberg highlight something that hit me hard: “Listening is physically and mentally taxing. It requires energy and focus.” They outline nine practical shifts — and every one of them has changed how I show up: 1️⃣ Dedicate time and space to listen. Don’t multitask. Close the laptop. Be there. 2️⃣ Avoid jumping into problem-solving too fast. This one’s brutal for consultants and executives. Silence can feel uncomfortable — but that pause often holds the real insight. 3️⃣ Paraphrase what you heard. Not to prove you understood, but to show you’re in it with the other person. 4️⃣ Ask clarifying questions. Not to steer — but to discover. 5️⃣ Stay out of “information bubbles.” Don’t assume you already know where the other person is going. Stay curious. Stay open. 🧠 What I Wish I Knew 25 Years Ago If I had practiced presence — not just listening to reply but listening to understand — I would have built even stronger trust, avoided countless misfires, and seen what wasn’t being said. Active listening isn’t about perfect silence or polished empathy. It’s about discipline — so you can hold space for someone else’s. ⚡The Takeaway Whether you’re a coach, a consultant, or an executive — your ability to listen deeply may be your greatest untapped superpower. Try this in your next conversation: ✅ Eliminate distractions. ✅ Listen for what’s beneath the words. ✅ Ask one question before you offer one answer. You’ll be amazed at what you start to hear. Remember, listening is work. Presence is power. 🔄 Over to You When was the last time you felt truly heard — or truly listened? What difference did it make? 👇 Share your thoughts — I’d love to listen. *** 💥 Hi, if we haven’t met yet, I am Howard— an executive coach and former consulting leader who helps high-achieving professionals navigate what’s next. If you liked this post and want to see more insights on leadership, growth, and navigating change with purpose: 🔔 ring it on my profile 🔝 Connect with me