Assertiveness Training

I used to believe that being assertive meant being aggressive. The reality is that you can both assert yourself and be kind. 5 proven tips to be more assertive (without being aggressive): 1/ Express your needs and wants clearly Why: Being direct and honest about your needs helps others understand your perspective and enables them to respond appropriately. It demonstrates self-respect and confidence in your own opinions and feelings. How: "I appreciate your input on this project, but I strongly believe we should take a different approach. Focusing on user experience will lead to better conversion. Can we discuss how we can incorporate both of our ideas?" 2/ Use "I" statements to communicate your perspective Why: "I" statements help you take ownership of your thoughts and feelings without placing blame or making accusations. They create a non-confrontational atmosphere that encourages open dialogue and mutual understanding. How: "I appreciate the effort you've put into this presentation, but I have some concerns about the accuracy of the data. I suggest we review the sources together and make any necessary updates to strengthen our case." 3/ Practice active listening and seek to understand others Why: Active listening demonstrates that you value others' perspectives and are willing to engage in a two-way conversation. It helps build trust and rapport, making it easier to find mutually beneficial outcomes. How: "I hear your concerns about the proposed changes to our team structure. Can you tell me more about how these changes will impact your work? I want to ensure that we address any potential issues." 4/ Offer solutions Why: Offering solutions rather than simply stating problems demonstrates your willingness to work collaboratively and find mutually beneficial outcomes. How: "I understand that you want to launch the new feature as soon as possible, but I have concerns about the current timeline. What if we break the launch into two phases? We can release the core functionality in the first phase and then add the additional enhancements in the second phase. This way, we can meet the initial deadline while ensuring the quality of the final product." 5/ Learn to say "No" when necessary Why: Saying "no" to unreasonable requests or demands demonstrates self-respect and helps you maintain control over your time and resources. It also helps prevent burnout and enables you to focus on your priorities. How: "I appreciate you considering me for this new project, but unfortunately, I don't have the capacity to take on additional work at the moment. I'm committed to delivering high-quality results on my current projects, and taking on more would compromise this. Can we revisit this opportunity in a few weeks when my workload is more manageable?" What’s one thing that helped you become more assertive? PS: Assertiveness is a form of self-care that also nurtures healthy, respectful relationships with others. Image Credit: Jenny Nurick

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

The problem with most advice about “being more assertive” at work: It assumes you won’t be penalized for using it. That assumption changes how a lot of people should read the advice they've been given. I’ve coached over 200 leaders at the director level. The ones who feel most stuck aren’t the ones who lack confidence. They’re the ones who actually followed the advice. They spoke up. They made the ask. They were direct. And watched it land differently than it was supposed to. Social science has a name for this. The double bind. Inside most organizations, many leaders already operate like this: Be collaborative. Be warm. Be easy to work with. Then the leadership advice arrives: Speak up more. Push your ideas forward. Make the ask. The problem isn’t the second list. It’s when the second list replaces the first. Because the signals people were reading as trust and cooperation disappear. And suddenly the same behavior lands very differently. Same ask. Different read. Which means the standard advice “just ask for what you want” skips right past the real constraint. So what actually works? Make assertiveness harder to misread. Here’s what that looks like in practice. ↳ Build rapport before the ask. The relationship isn’t separate from the negotiation. In environments where people are already calibrating how you show up, trust is what makes your ask land as confident instead of demanding. ↳ Use a range instead of a single number. If you want a 10% raise, ask for 12–15. You bring the ambitious number into the conversation without presenting it as a demand. You stay flexible. You negotiate toward what you actually wanted. ↳ Use precise numbers. Research consistently shows precise offers outperform round ones. $92,000 reads like preparation. $90,000 reads like a guess. ↳ Make your direction visible. When your manager understands where you're headed, your asks stop reading as overreach. They start reading as strategy. The double bind is real. But the walls are narrower than most people think. The goal was never to stop being assertive. It was to make your assertiveness legible inside a system that wasn’t always designed to receive it. That is a skill. And it is absolutely learnable. If this reframed how you think about assertiveness at work, share it with someone navigating it right now. In tomorrow’s podcast episode, I’m discussing the research behind this dynamic with Columbia Business School negotiation professor Malia Mason. 🔖 Save this for the next time you need to make an assertive ask at work. Follow me, Jill Avey, for practical leadership strategies most advice skips over.

Aggressive. Bossy. Emotional. Pushy. Unapproachable. Intimidating. These negative perceptions of assertiveness are ones I and many women have faced. I'd like to introduce you to STRATEGIC ASSERTIVENESS. Strategic assertiveness means clearly and confidently expressing one's needs and opinions while respecting others' perspectives and creating collaborative, respectful professional relationships. Here is how women leaders can embody strategic assertiveness: 👑 Self-awareness: Understand your emotions, strengths, and areas for growth. Recognize your biases and the challenges that impact your interactions. 👑 Communicate Clearly: Use precise language to articulate your ideas and decisions. Use "I" statements to avoid misunderstandings and defensiveness. Speak with CONFIDENCE. 👑 Listen: Demonstrate genuine interest in team members' inputs and show that all voices are valued. 👑 Practice Emotional Regulation: Engage in constructive, rather than reactive, interactions. Check in with yourself and take breaks to regulate, reflect, and regain composure. Take deep breaths. You get to have emotions. You're not a robot. Take moments to be in the headspace to be impactful and effective. 👑 Timing and Context: Not every moment is a good moment for being assertive; that's why it's strategic assertiveness. Choose optimal moments for assertive communication, be mindful of timing, and provide context. 👑 Be Flexible: Be open to negotiation and compromise where beneficial. Adaptability is a quality trait. Strategic assertiveness includes adapting to different situations and getting feedback from peers and subordinates. , demonstrating adaptive leadership. 👑 Follow-through: Implement decisions with consistency and accountability. Align words with actions, integrity, and reliability. Follow the above, and the next time you're described as aggressive, bossy, emotional, bitchy, pushy, unapproachable, or intimidating, let them know you are strategically assertive. #assertive #strategic #strategicallyassertive #wordsmatter #leadership #womeninleadership

𝗙𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗴𝘂𝗶𝗹𝘁𝘆 𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘀𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗡𝗢 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗿? Imagine if you could set boundaries while maintaining respect. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗯𝗹𝗲𝗺: • Many employees want to say no to unreasonable requests from their manager but feel trapped.    • They’re scared of damaging their relationship, being judged, or appearing uncooperative. 𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗛𝗮𝘃𝗲𝗻’𝘁 𝗦𝗼𝗹𝘃𝗲𝗱 𝗜𝘁: • They lack the confidence to express themselves assertively.    • They fear backlash, such as being labeled difficult or lazy.    • They don’t know how to say no while maintaining professionalism and respect. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗡𝗲𝗴𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗕𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗲𝗳𝘀 𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗽𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗺: • "If I say no, I’ll lose my manager’s trust."    • "I’ll look incompetent if I can’t handle everything."    • "I don’t have the right to set boundaries." 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗡𝗲𝗴𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗢𝘂𝘁𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝗜𝗳 𝗜𝘁 𝗚𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝗨𝗻𝘀𝗼𝗹𝘃𝗲𝗱: • Burnout from taking on too much.    • Resentment towards the manager and job dissatisfaction.    • Loss of productivity and inability to focus on important tasks. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗦𝗼𝗹𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: 𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝟭: 𝗦𝗵𝗶𝗳𝘁 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗠𝗶𝗻𝗱𝘀𝗲𝘁 • Understand that saying no is not a sign of weakness.    • It’s a way to prioritize your work and ensure quality.    • Your manager values honest communication more than overcommitment. 𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝟮: 𝗨𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝟯-𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝗔𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗿𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗙𝗼𝗿𝗺𝘂𝗹𝗮 1. 𝗔𝗰𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗹𝗲𝗱𝗴𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗥𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁: "I understand this task is important…"     2. 𝗘𝘅𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗟𝗶𝗺𝗶𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: "…but my current workload doesn’t allow me to give it the attention it deserves."     3. 𝗢𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿 𝗮𝗻 𝗔𝗹𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲: "Can we prioritize this for next week, or is there someone else who can assist?" 𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝟯: 𝗣𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗘𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗵𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗖𝗹𝗮𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘆 • Stay calm and respectful.    • Show that you care about the team’s goals, but be firm about your boundaries.    • Assertiveness isn’t about being rude—it’s about being clear and confident. 𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗜 𝗗𝗶𝗱 𝗜𝘁: When I first struggled with saying no, I’d either overcommit or avoid the conversation entirely. 𝘽𝙤𝙩𝙝 𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙖𝙘𝙝𝙚𝙨 𝙡𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙨𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙨𝙛𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣. Once I learned assertive communication, I realized I could set boundaries and maintain respect. 𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗜’𝘃𝗲 𝗛𝗲𝗹𝗽𝗲𝗱 𝗢𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀: I’ve coached professionals who were overwhelmed by their workload. By practicing assertive communication, they were able to regain control of their time, earn respect from their managers, and perform better overall. 𝗪𝗜𝗜𝗙𝗠: (𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁'𝘀 𝗜𝗻 𝗜𝘁 𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝗠𝗲?) Struggling to say no without guilt? 𝗟𝗲𝘁 𝗺𝗲 𝗴𝘂𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂. • Learn how to set boundaries. • Communicate confidently and clearly. • Build trust while protecting your time and energy. 𝗣.𝗦. DM me for a free discovery call. #peakimpactmentorship  #leadership

💔 “The Brilliant Woman Who Was Interrupted 7 Times in 5 Minutes” During a leadership workshop, one of my clients shared something that stayed with me. Her voice broke a little as she said: 👉 “I counted… seven times in five minutes. They cut me off. By the end, I just gave up speaking.” I watched her eyes as she spoke. They weren’t just narrating an incident—they were telling the story of exhaustion. She described the scene in detail: The sharp tone of the first interruption. The laughter after the second. The shuffling of papers as if her words didn’t matter. By the fourth, her shoulders slumped. By the seventh, silence swallowed her brilliance. That moment pierced me. Because she didn’t just lose her voice in that meeting—she lost an opportunity to influence. And the room lost the chance to hear an idea that could have shaped strategy. 🚧 The Obstacle Gender bias doesn’t always announce itself. It creeps in quietly. In how often a woman is cut off. In how her ideas are overlooked until someone else repeats them. In how she’s told—implicitly or explicitly—to “be patient, wait your turn.” And here’s the truth: brilliance shouldn’t need permission to exist. 💡 How I Helped as a Communication Skills Trainer We worked on three things: ✔️ #AssertiveCommunication – rehearsing responses to interruptions that were firm but professional. ✔️ Power phrases – short, sharp lines that create space and command attention. ✔️ #ExecutivePresence – voice control, body language, and the subtle shifts that make people pause and listen. ✨ The Transformation At her next boardroom meeting, she walked in differently. She wasn’t waiting for permission. She wasn’t hoping not to be interrupted. She was ready. She didn’t just speak. She owned the table. And the most powerful part? The very people who had once interrupted her… leaned in, took notes, and listened. 🌍 The Learning As leaders, we must recognize that #GenderBias in communication is not imaginary. It’s real. It’s silent. And it shapes careers every single day. That’s why assertiveness training isn’t optional for women leaders. It’s #Leadership. It’s #Survival. It’s #Power. ⸻ 🔑 For Leaders Reading This: Have you ever witnessed brilliance being silenced in your boardroom? The bigger question is—what did you do about it?

"Be more assertive in meetings." If you’ve ever received this feedback, you know how tough it is. Especially if you’re an introvert who doesn’t interrupt or feel it’s your place. I was coaching an exec dealing with this exact sticking point. I said, “You’ve gotten this feedback. Let’s talk about what you want to do with it.” A priority for me is to always look at my clients holistically (who are you BEYOND the walls/screens of work). Knowing she had a teenage daughter, I asked this leader to role-play a conversation with her daughter about cleaning her room. She started gently: “Sweetheart, I really would love for you to clean your room. It would make our lives more calm and peaceful...” (you get the picture). I had her pause and imagine it was the fifth time she asked. She began again, “Honey, I really wish you’d...” I stopped her, asked, “Is that true to who you are on weekends? Do you calmly ask for the fifth time or bring up a different character?” She laughed. “No, that’s totally not true.” So, I asked her to show me the real scenario. Suddenly, she’s chopping her hands through the air: “Young lady, I need you to get off the couch, up the stairs, and clean your room right. now. I do NOT want to see you back downstairs until your room is CLEAN.” Boom. Who was THAT? “That,” she said, “was my 'Mom' voice.” Aha. She had the ability to turn on a concise, direct conversation style... she just wasn't used to bringing it to work with her. And the style, it started with a firm movement of her hands. She wasn’t even aware of the hand motion. But that was the tool she needed to embody a more assertive self. Now, when this client needs to be precise and direct, she starts with that hand movement. It cues her body into an assertive character without overthinking every word. Key takeaway: Using body language as a cue can bypass the overactive brain, tapping into characters that already exist within you. One of your Authentic Selves. So, use your body. Practice in front of a camera. Notice what works and eliminate what doesn’t. Your body language can unlock new ways to express assertiveness and confidence. There is more to you than meets the eye. Figure out WHO in YOU you can tap into to become who you need to be. #Leadership #ExecutiveCoaching #Assertiveness #BodyLanguage #ProfessionalDevelopment #Authenticity

Have you ever 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝘁 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝗲𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀, 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗮𝘀 𝘀𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗸𝗹𝗲 𝗮𝘀 𝗯𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗹𝘆 𝗮𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗴𝘂𝗲𝘀'? It’s time to change the narrative! During a pivotal project meeting, I realized that my quieter disposition was causing my contributions to be overshadowed. This was a wake-up call. Like many of you, I had all the right ideas but wasn’t making the impact I should have. That’s when I realized, and later turned to assertiveness training, and it profoundly transformed my professional presence. Assertiveness isn’t just about being heard—it’s about being respected and valued. It’s about clearly and confidently expressing your thoughts without overpowering others, ensuring your professional boundaries are recognized and maintained. This skill can elevate your career to new heights, enhancing both your mental well-being and workplace dynamics. Actionable Takeaways: 1. 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 '𝗜 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹' 𝗼𝗿 '𝗜 𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗲': These phrases take ownership and appear non-threatening. 2. 𝗙𝗼𝗰𝘂𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝗳𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘀 𝗱𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗹𝗶𝗰𝘁𝘀: Keep emotions in check and present your case logically. 3. 𝗦𝗲𝘁 𝗰𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗯𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀: Communicate your limits clearly to colleagues to avoid misunderstandings. 4. 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗮𝘆 '𝗻𝗼': Protect yourself from overcommitment while maintaining your self-respect. 𝑅𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑚𝑏𝑒𝑟, 𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠 𝑖𝑠 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑓𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑏𝑎𝑡𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑒𝑐ℎ𝑛𝑖𝑞𝑢𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑐𝑘𝑒𝑡; 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑟𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑎𝑐ℎ 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑠𝑖𝑔𝑛𝑖𝑓𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑙𝑦 𝑖𝑛𝑓𝑙𝑢𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑔𝑎𝑚𝑒'𝑠 𝑜𝑢𝑡𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒. 𝐴𝑝𝑝𝑙𝑦 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑠𝑒 𝑡𝑒𝑐ℎ𝑛𝑖𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑤𝑎𝑡𝑐ℎ ℎ𝑜𝑤 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑡𝑖𝑑𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑓𝑎𝑣𝑜𝑟. Have you noticed how being assertive changes the way people perceive and react to you? Share your experiences below or let us know if you think there's room for improvement in how you assert yourself. If you want a complete video guide on the topic then please DM me with 'video'. To your success, Coach Vandana Dubey "Elevating Careers, Enriching Souls" Where Professional Growth Meets Personal Fulfilment! #ProfessionalGrowth #LeadershipSkills #AssertivenessTraining #CareerDevelopment #ITProfessionals LinkedIn

Aggressive communication is about controlling others. Assertive communication is about controlling yourself, to influence others. 😳 “You’re always late.” vs. 🤝 “I noticed you’ve been late often. How can I support you to be on time?” Same issue. Totally different impact. One shuts people down. The other opens dialogue. When I first started to speak up, I called things out. I was “honest.” But I didn’t realize I was being aggressive, not assertive. So I studied assertive communication and learned that assertive leaders don’t sugarcoat. They speak up with both care and influence. Here’s what I’ve learned since: 🚫 Aggressive language = disrespect, one-sided, dominance ✅ Assertive language = respect, openness, influence If you care about respect and results, your words matter. 👇 Here’s some examples of the difference: AGGRESSIVE: “This is not fair.” ASSERTIVE: “Could you help me understand the criteria for this decision?” AGGRESSIVE: “Please stop interrupting me.” ASSERTIVE: “I’ll finish my thought, then I’d love to hear your perspective.” These swaps don’t make you “soft”, they make you powerful with impact. 🔥 If you lead people, build culture, or shape learning experiences… Start by modeling assertive communication. Because the way we speak up sets the tone for how others do too. ➡️➡️➡️ Bring a workshop on bold communication for influential leadership or assertive communication to your team: contact me for details. #LeadershipDevelopment #WorkplaceCulture #CorporateTraining #CommunicationMatters #EmployeeExperience #TalentDevelopment #LearningAndDevelopment #HRLeaders #TechLeadership #HealthcareLeaders #BoldCommunication #SpeakUp #DEI #PeopleFirst #ERGLeaders #AssertiveLeadership