If You're Arguing, You're Doing it Wrong

When I was in high school, I competed in Cross-Examination debate. I was... not good. Most tournaments I got my ass kicked a lot, but some tournaments, I only got my ass kicked a little! While I never became great, I did learn a lot about how to win or lose arguments and the stark differences between winning arguments and changing minds.

If you've never seen a cross-examination (CX) debate, here's the gist. Two (2) teams of two (2) debaters argue for or against a predetermined policy statement through statements and questioning (hence the name, cross-examination) over 60ish minutes. A coin flip determines if your team is for or against the resolution. As an example, the 2021 CX Debate topic is:

Resolved: The United States federal government should enact substantial criminal justice reform in the United States in one or more of the following: forensic science, policing, sentencing. (Source: University Interscholastic League)

So if the coin flip says your team is pro, you argue for substantial reform. If con, you argue against substantial reform (no reform or insubstantial reform). The outcome of the debate is determined by 1-3 judges using standardized rubrics (example rubric here).

Imagine this for an hour and that's close enough to a CX debate. Source: Pexels

Even though I never excelled in this format, I still became a better debater through practice and starting seeing the world as one big debate (sophism). Unfortunately, debate is a harmful skill in the real world and I've had to unlearn a lot of bad habits I tried so hard to acquire. These are the top three differences between the world of debate and real life in a business.

Lesson 1: Arguments are measured in wins, business is measured in dollars.

Would you rather be right or rich? It's that simple. I can't count the number of brainstorming or decision meetings I've seen (or shamefully, been involved in) that devolve into shouting matches over who is right or who has the best idea. At the end of the day, the customers decide with their wallets. I'd rather admit someone else has better ideas than I do and be wealthy because of it.

Lesson 2: The best ideas rarely come from the most persuasive people.

Early in my career, I counted wins as my ideas that made it to market. I wanted people to think that I was right, so I did everything I could to build that brand. The problem was, I was often persuasive, but rarely right. I wasted a lot of time and effort on bad ideas and ignored good ideas from colleagues because they weren't delivered artfully.

My behavior changed when I started working in fields in which I clearly had no expertise: sales and software development. In every conversation, I knew I was the least knowledgeable person in the room and knew I needed help to make good decisions and improve my craft. As soon as I started working from ignorance, I realized how inefficient and toxic my prior behavior had been. I was surrounded by great ideas and all I had to do was ask for help and give credit where it's due.

I also noticed that frequently (not universally) the people with the best ideas, such as solutions architects, developers, and frontline workers were the most knowledgeable but poorly positioned to generate buy-in for their ideas internally. My focus shifted from generating the right ideas to being persuasive on behalf of others. Now, I could care less who gets the credit because we all share the profits. Today, most of my work as a Project Manager or Scrum Master is ghost writing, persuasion, and convincing for good ideas that need a little help.

Lesson 3: Real life has real consequences and a long memory.

Debate tournaments have impartial judges who evaluate your arguments according to a standardized rubric. Debate tournaments also end. Win or lose, you go home, study, and get ready for the next one. Often, you'll never see an opposing team again.

In real life, their is no impartial judge. Your evaluators are your friends and colleagues that you work with every day. They remember when you're rude, exclude them from conversations, or shut down their ideas. They don't make decisions based on an arbitrary rubric of what a good argument is. They respond positively or negatively to the environment you create. The behavior needed to win arguments is also the behavior that spawns a toxic and repressive culture.

Debate was a fun experience and sport. But that's all it is, a sport. Real life has more nuance and memory than a debate tournament, so there's no sense in treating it like one.

Originally published on willhea.com.