Your Three Pillars

Once you solve for your basic needs and problems, the biggest ones that forms a foundation of your well-being are ‘Safety’ and ‘Belonging’. Many of us try to build a life without paying attention to these two most important needs.

We build relationships, careers, our investment accounts – all whilst Safety and Belonging in our life are either entirely missing or half-baked. And, in a few years down the line, when everything comes crashing down, you realize what you were ignoring. Most of us will face life-altering crises, all of us will crash at some point – that can happen when you are 20 years’ old, 30, 40 or much later. The sooner the crash happens, the better for you – the price you pay to rebuild and rewire your needs is lower.

Your Safety and Belonging are likely coming from three sources:

Your Home

Your Workplace

Your Inner Circle

You need all these three to work to keep you happy. Who you come back to every day is the most important piece – it’s a reminder of why you do what you do. It’s a space that is sacred and something that truly belongs to you. Find your joy and nourish it.

Your Work defines who you are. It contributes to your identity (sometimes more than it should, but that is fodder for thought on another day) and brings home money so you can get a good night’s sleep. Who you work with for those 8-10 hours a day will significantly influence your personal growth. Unfortunately, it’s rare to find exactly the best fit of people that you get along with. But it is possible to prioritize which of the work people matter the most to you, which ones to spend energy on, which ones to step aside from. When you find them, keep them close.

Your Inner Circle. This is very crucial. Your Home and Your Work will be in conflict with each other most of the time. You will get pulled in different directions - at the most crucial committee meeting of yours, when it's your turn to present, your daughter will want to come and sit on your lap and tug at your microphone asking for hug. The key to harmonizing this work-home balance and keeping the peace is the rest of your support system. Your Inner Circle is likely to directly influence how long you live and how healthily you live. These are the ones who will be rooting for you despite them not being the most present in your life. You will need time away from your home, you may lose your work identity when you quit, but your inner circle is what will keep you grounded.

Your Home and Your Work needs a lot of time and nurturing and its difficult work. They are your basic needs to stay alive and stay fulfilled. However, your Inner Circle is where you will need to work the hardest because that is the one that tends to get sacrificed more easily. Your pillars have different roles to play – and neither pillar can do it all for you.

It gets harder to build your inner circle as you age. Start young and remind yourself to nurture your inner circle on a regular basis. Your Inner Circle will shift, people will come and go, but some of the most important ones will remain and stick by you – as you age, pay attention to them.

My hope is that this post nudges you to go and poke your third pillar today. Call them, share a cuppa, annoy them a bit with your stupid jokes, do some deep talk or do some light talk or just drop a message thanking them for being around. Or, just share this post with them and they will know you are thinking of them.