The Wrong Game

I was near the top of my game when I stopped planning weddings. I stopped because I didn't recognize myself anymore.

I started as an activist wedding planner — advocating for LGBTQ+ couples in a super-straight industry. That felt like purpose. Then, somewhere in the fog of six-figure Manhattan weddings and bride/groom-zillas, I lost it. I was curating wasteful, pricey accessories and felt shallow and inauthentic. I could tell you some stories…but the bottom line is the work stopped aligning with my values.

I was good at the job. I had the reputation, the speaking invitations, the referrals. I wrote three freaking books about LGBTQ weddings! And I burned it all down.

That's when the real work began.

Here's what I know after 20+ years of watching leaders: I was good and I was being praised and rewarded for it. So I kept delivering. I kept hustling. That's what you do. But underneath that I felt conflicted. Like I'd lost something. Like the purpose that got me into this work in the first place had quietly left the building.

That's not a personal failure. It's a signal.

Here's the Good Vibe Lesson: You can be at the top of your game and still be in the wrong game. The goal isn't just to be good at what you do. It's to do work that feels like you're playing the right game. You don't have to burn it all down. But you do have to be honest with yourself. Turns out the wrong game was just pointing me toward the right one.

Think about this: When's the last time you checked whether your work still aligns with what actually matters to you? Not your resume. Or your reputation. You.

And if you lead people — your misaligned team members are still showing up. Still delivering. But they're bringing their adequate instead of their best. You might not even know it's happening.

So ask them. Genuinely ask what work still feels like theirs. Respect what they tell you, even if it's inconvenient. Connect it to how you develop and deploy them.

That's the ARC. And you might be surprised how rarely anyone has asked them that question.

I'm cheering you on —

Bernadette

I curate 5 stories every Saturday that you won't find here. Thousands of leaders read them over their morning coffee. Some more good vibes?

Image description: A horizontal banner with a warm gradient background blending deep purple on the left through olive green in the center to burnt orange on the right. Centered bold white text reads "THE WRONG GAME" in all caps. Below the text is a white outline illustration of a standing chess king piece next to a fallen/tipped king piece. Clean, minimal, on-brand.