Work-Life Balance

Don’t you wish you had more time for family and friends, your hobbies and interests? You are not alone; more people than ever complain about their work-life balance situation. There are a number of reasons for this and the Pandemic has made it even worse.

Some people are fortunate to have a job that is aligned with their purpose and passion, or their hobby. I have never heard anyone of those complaining about “work-life balance”. Why? Because they spend time on what matters to them, what they enjoy – they enjoy their work.

They have a life where they feel fulfilment, their work has a purpose and gives them a sense of accomplishment, and thereby happiness. They are happy working more than 10 hours a day. For them, their days are filled with activities that is aligned with their purpose, what they believe in, what they think is important and they are making a difference, which gives them a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.  

On the other hand, people that drag themselves to work, that has to cope with a horrible boss that pester their team members on weekends and late evenings, that does not care about the well-being of team members. Tasks and duties appear meaningless and boring, or they simply do not see the value in what they are doing. Where there is little to no gratitude for the work and hours spent, besides maybe the paycheck, which they probably find too small in comparison to their efforts. These are constantly complaining about their “work-life balance”.

I have had two hugely different careers in my life. In the first one there were days when we worked 24/7 for several weeks and months in a row – I never heard anyone complaining about their working hours or work-life balance. Why? We all felt strongly about what we were doing, we served a higher purpose. (See Article – It starts and ends with why[1]).

The second one, had regulated hours, and as with most jobs there were days and certain periods when the hours were longer than normal, but everyone that enters a career with a professional services firm knows that it is the case. We had annual surveys being conducted and one of the topics were about work-life balance. Every year more than 50% of the respondents complained about work-life balance. And these people were working relatively normal working hours. Why is that?

I think the number one reason is due to technology. Many of us never get to disconnect from work. On our smart phones we receive emails, texts, and WhatsApp communications. Today there is no clear border between work and life. While someone releases their stress to send out the emails late at night or over the weekend because they have been too busy during the day – it becomes the recipients stress factor. Is he/she expecting me to reply at this hour? The example is more a managerial issue but it affects your life. At the end of day, you choose whether to read and respond, or whether the family time is more important. Setting boundaries is important, but unfortunately there are many people that feel obliged to respond to any communications, regardless time, and place.   

The pandemic has amplified the problem. While working from home you may not have that “buffer”, or call it “margin”, that allows you to transition from one role to another. Your commute may have been your “buffer”, the time when you disconnect from work and mentally prepare for family life, hobbies and other things. The 10 seconds it takes to walk from the study to family room is not enough to switch from work to family, which means that your family life will be affected by your work life, and vice versa. The border between work and life is further blurred.

My advice to you is to schedule "me-time". A buffer to “cool-down” from work and office thoughts. Go for a walk, to the gym, do something different for 20-40 minutes before helping children with homework, cooking dinner or whatever your family life entails and expects from you.

If you have children, you know that we plan and apply transition times. There is quiet time before going to bed. There is snack time before starting with homework. As an adult, do you think that we are different than our children? – then think again. The transition may be smoother and with less tantrums, but we still need that time to shift, refocus and maybe mentally prepare to play a different role. 

The same applies to your daily work agenda. An absolute “killer” to be your best is back-to-back meetings. In one meeting you may be the decision maker, the next the core presenter and the next delivering a sales pitch, and everyone expects you to be attentive, present, focused and perform at the highest levels of your best. By scheduling and accepting back-to-back meetings you are setting yourself up for failure. From now on, always schedule a 15 break in between meetings. Those 15 min of buffer/margin will allow you to take that deep breath, refocus, refresh your memory of key points before going into the next meeting and maybe even a bio break.

Apologies, that became a bit of a side-track. Going back to the scale of balancing your life. I am sure that you and everyone else wants a job and life that is meaningful, filled with accomplishments, where you are appreciated and loved, and where you have time for other activities. But for a majority of people that complains about work-life balance, their work does not satisfy their needs[2], what they seek or desire.   

One way to achieve more of harmony and happiness is to change your attitude towards work, and maybe other parts of your life. Changing your attitude does not happen overnight, but the way to get started is to keep a diary. Each evening before going to sleep, write down three things for which you are grateful for that day. “Today was a good day. I am grateful that the traffic was light in morning, and I came in early to the office and managed to respond to all emails from yesterday in advance of the meeting with John. I am also grateful that they fixed the coffee machine, so I did not have to spend money at the coffeeshop. I am grateful that Mary helped me with the report, so it was finished in time”.

You achieved a number of things and should feel a sense of accomplishment – do not take everything for granted. The moment you start taking things for granted is the moment you stop appreciate them and they lose their value.

If you think that seemingly trivial example above does not make a difference in your life and how you view it. Imagine a day that was the opposite; that due to heavy traffic you arrived late, did not have time to respond to emails, showed up late for your meeting, the coffee machine was broken so you had to buy coffee and Mary was too busy to help you and therefore could not deliver the report on time. How would you define that day? I bet is sounds like a really “crappy” day? Why? Each, although maybe trivial, had an adverse impact to your daily life, and just maybe you used to take all or some of them for granted.  

Changing your mindset on what accomplishment, success, achievement, feeling challenged looks like will change your life and how “lucky”, fortunate, and happy you are. Learn how to appreciate the small things in life. The reason for writing these down in a diary is so that you can help remind yourself that even during a bad day there were moments of achievements, accomplishments, random acts of kindness, and other things for which you were grateful that day. Every now and then go back to your diary and remind yourself of what makes you happy. 

By focusing on the situations and actions that were positive and good, you will appreciate your job, your boss and colleagues, family, and friends more. You will feel that you make a difference at work (or home), that you accomplished something during the day – you are becoming an “achiever”, which in turn should make you feel proud. And all these positive feelings will change your life over time, making you a happier person, a person with a sense of purpose. Your purpose may, or may not be aligned with the purpose of your workplace, but you have defined your own, which is more than what many other individuals and organizations have not been able to define.  

I am convinced that the theory or work-life balance, with the scale with work on one side and life on the other side is a flaw model of the modern life. I believe it should be about happiness (don’t get me wrong, of course there need to be a balance in terms of hours you work vs. not working). I would encourage you to define your own scale with the attributes that matters to you, unhappy on one side and happy on the other, dissatisfied vs. satisfied, meaningless vs. meaningful, unappreciated vs. appreciated, unloved vs loved etc. Employees that see the purpose of what they are doing, their contribution to the company and the world, rarely complains about work-life balance and on top of that they are also very engaged.

Conclusions:

• Define your own scale, with the attributes that matters to you.
• Do not pursuit happiness, appreciate the present and be grateful for the small things in life and you will achieve happiness every day.
• Schedule “me-time” daily, create a “buffer” between transitions at work and at home.  
• Keep a diary, every day write at least three things that you are grateful for that day. It will help you focus on positives rather than negatives. Fall asleep with a with happy thoughts and a smile on your face.
• Stop taking everything for granted, be grateful instead. Learn to say, “thank you” and “please” with a smile, it works like magic.  
• By not applying these simple rules you may become burned-out, experience deterioration of your mental and physical health. If you are a manager, and care for your team members, encourage them the set boundaries, define happiness, and their purpose.

[1] https://www.garudax.id/feed/update/urn:li:activity:6692683643372003328/

[2] Compare with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs