Who's version is correct?

I’ve been reading The Three Laws of Performance and there’s an idea in there that’s so true. it happens all the time, and I'm sure it does for you as well, even if you don't realise it at the time, which you normally don't. The basic premise is that people can experience the exact same situation and walk away with completely different realities. Not opinions. Realities. Each person is convinced that what they saw, felt and understood is simply “what happened”.

What struck me is that nothing external actually changes. The facts are the same. The environment is the same. The sequence of events is the same, but it occurs differently. That's the key bit . The situation itself doesn’t seem to carry meaning on its own, the meaning gets added afterwards. It doesn't always have to be opposite feelings either - you can have 2 groups of people having the same feelings about a situation but for different reasons.

Once you notice this, it’s hard to unsee it. I spot it everywhere. The most recent personal experiences I've had includes my Wife and I having an argument over how we parented on that particular day, on reflection later on, we realised it was because we had seen our day play out in very different ways, not because we wanted different outcomes or had differing views about how we should have dealt with the situation.

What’s uncomfortable about this is in that moment, how strongly we all believe our version is the correct one. We rarely think “this is how I’m seeing it”, instead we think “this is how it is”. So when someone else reacts differently, it feels baffling, wrong, or even dismissive. As if they’re missing something obvious, when in reality they’re just seeing it from their perspective. The argument isn’t about the event, it’s about the meaning that’s been attached to it.

I’ve been catching myself doing this more often recently. Getting annoyed by something and then realising that the other person could be reacting differently, not because out of spite or even because they hold different views, but for how it is has occurred to them.

I don’t think this means we should all pretend things don’t matter or that every situation can be reframed into something positive. It does make me question how often I’m reacting to the situation itself versus reacting to the story I’ve told myself about it, and how often I assume that story is universal, rather than personal.

It may be that we cannot spot this happening before it happens, maybe it is something we have to recognise after its taken place?