Why the Word PROBLEM Causes PROBLEMS

"Words set up ripple effects - for better or for worse." - Sam Horn

Did you see the recent McKinsey report that says, "Rudeness is on the rise and incivility is getting worse?" Do you tiptoe around some people because you never know what might set them off? Do you have customers or coworkers who take their frustration out on you?

Would you like to know how to say the right thing at the right time so you can handle challenging situations in the moment - instead of on the way home?

You can.

My latest book Talking on Eggshells teaches what TO say - and NOT say - in the character-building situations we face every day. This can be particularly helpful if you're dealing with people who are upset because something's gone wrong.

Here's an example of how changing ONE word can help things go right.

I walked into a medical center several years after I had presented a program for them. The receptionist saw me walk in, beckoned me over and pointed to the WORDS TO LOSE - WORDS TO USE reminder cared taped to her desk.

She said, "I never understood why people were so rude to me when I was so nice to them. Then I took your course and realized I used what you call 'fighting phrases' all the time.

Like the word PROBLEM. I used that word without even thinking about it. You said it gives people the impression something's wrong even when there's not.

Now, I use different phrases that don't make people feel like they're a problem."

How about you? When:

* someone asks to speak to you, do you say, "Sure, what's the problem?"

* wrapping up meetings, do you say, "Any other problems we need to discuss?"

* someone asks for a greenlight, do you say, "I don't have a problem with that."

* pointing out why an idea won't work, do you say "The problem with that is ..."

* a customer complains, do you say "I'm sorry you have a problem with that..."

* someone thanks you for something, do you say "No problem."

Did you know the word problem is defined as "a matter or situation regarded as unwelcome or harmful and needing to be overcome."

When we use the word problem, people feel unwelcome, that we're implying something's wrong with them, and that we view them as someone to overcome.

No one likes feeling like they're a problem.

Words matter, every one of them. Let's agree to get rid of this "problematic" word.

Next time:

* someone asks for a moment of your time, say: "Sure, what's on your mind?"

* you end a meeting, ask, "Anything else to discuss before we wrap up?"

* people make a request, say: "Sure, you're welcome to go ahead with that."

* you think an idea won't work, say "What other options can we explore ..."

* someone complains, say, "I appreciate you bringing this to my attention ..."

* someone thanks you, say, "You're welcome," "Happy to," or "Anytime."

A participant in a workshop training said, "I wish I'd know this last night."

"What happened?"

"My son, who's away at college. called and asked, "Can I talk to you about something?' Guess what I said? 'Sure son, what's the problem?' As if the only reason he'd call home is because something bad happened.

Is that the impression I want to give?! That the only time we talk is when something's wrong?

Next time, I'm going to say, 'Good to hear from you, son. What's up?'"

How about you?

Has the word problem become a habit? Could you unintentionally be giving people the "wrong" impression?

If so, do what I call CATCH and CORRECT.

From now on, catch yourself before you say that word - and replace it with a more positive/proactive response that promotes cooperation and prevents an unnecessary conflict

You'll be glad you did - and so will everyone else.

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Want more Words to Lose - Words to Use? You'll find them in this Tongue Fu! training.

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