The Value of Listening

In the startup, leadership, and personal development community so much time is spent talking about how to give a great talk or pitch that it drowns out a more important message. Contrary to how most people look at communication, effective communication begins when your mouth is closed.

What’s interesting, while listening may be the primary communication skill we use, it is taught the least. Curriculum tends to focus on reading, writing, and speaking. Because of this (and a slew of other factors), we get in our own way when it comes to effective listening.

Hearing is unintentional whereas listening requires us to pay attention. To pay attention, we have to invest. We invest our energy, attention, and time to gain understanding from another person’s verbal and nonverbal message.

The investment that it takes to listen effectively is a price that many people are either unwilling or unaware they need to make.

The Value of Listening

·       Benefits in academic, professional, and personal lives

·       Gain better understand and ability to make connections between ideas and information

·       Change perspectives and challenge assumptions

·       Empathize and show respect or appreciation, which can enhance our relationships and build self-esteem.

3 A’s of Active Listening

Effective listening is about self-awareness. You must pay attention to whether or not you are only hearing, passively listening, or actively engaging. Effective listening requires concentration and a focused effort that is known as active listening. Active listening can be broken down into three main elements. 

Attention

We know that attention is the fundamental difference between hearing and listening. Paying attention to what a speaker is saying requires intentional effort on your part. Nichols (1957), credited with first researching the field of listening, observed, listening is hard work. It is characterized by faster heart action, quicker circulation of the blood, a small rise in bodily temperature.

Consider the following:

·       We can process information 4x faster than a person speaks.

·       Tests of listening comprehension show the average person listening at only 25% efficiency.

·       A typical person can speak 125 words per-minute

·       We can process up to 3x faster, reaching as much as 500 words-per-minute.

The poor listener grows impatient, while the effective listener uses the extra processing time to process the speaker’s words, distinguish key points, and mentally summarize them.

Attitude

Telling yourself this is all a waste of time is not going to help you to listen effectively. Approaching the task of listening with a positive attitude and an open-mind will make the act of listening much easier.

Bad listeners make snap judgments that justify the decision to be inattentive. Kaponya (1991) warns against psychological deaf spots which impair our ability to perceive and understand things counter to our convictions. It can be as little as a word or phrase that might cause “an emotional eruption” causing communication efficiency to drop rapidly.

Failing to acknowledge your deaf spots will leave you at a deficit when listening. Adler (1983) proposes having four questions in mind while listening:

·       “What is the whole conversation about?”

·       “What are the main ideas, conclusions, and arguments?”

·       “Are the speaker’s conclusions sound or mistaken?” and

·       “What of it?”

Once you have an overall idea of the speech, determine the key points, and gauge your agreement, you can decide why it matters, how it affects you, or what you might do as a result of what you have heard.

Adjustment

Often when we hear someone speak, we don’t know in advance what they are going to be saying. So, we need to be agile, willing to follow a speaker along what seems like a verbal detour down a rabbit hole, until we are rewarded by the speaker reaching their final destination.

Listeners who are more intent on reacting to or anticipating what is said, will be poor listeners. Be patient and avoid the inclination to get the speaker back on track or completing an idea to get them past the point they are trying to make.

3 Barriers to Effective Listening

One of the barriers to progress in any endeavor is the failure to acknowledge our strengths and weaknesses. As listeners, anticipating, judging, and reacting emotionally can all hinder our ability to listen attentively.

Anticipating 

Thinking about what your response will be to what the speaker is saying can detract from active listening. The only answer is humility, and recognizing there is always something new to be learned.

Judging 

Jumping to conclusions about the speaker is another barrier to listening. The effective listener will accept that people may have their own individual shortcomings but they can still be valuable sources of insight and information.

Reacting Emotionally

When the speaker says an emotional trigger, it can be even more difficult to listen effectively and you may begin formulating a heated response to the speaker’s perspective or searing questions you might ask to show holes in their argument. Once emotion is involved, effective listening stops.

3 Strategies to Enhance Listening

Keep an Open Mind

The effective listener is calm with a focused and alert mind. You are not listening to hear what you want to hear, but listening to “what is said AS it is said.” Remember that listening to a point of view is not the same as accepting that point of view.

Identify Distractions

In any setting where you are expected to listen you may encounter distractions. It could be a TV on in the background, a coworker that can’t help but make comments under their breath, or the flood of notifications and alerts coming to your phone. Identify the things that will interrupt your attention and make a conscious choice to eliminate them or move to a different setting.

Take Notes

Taking notes can advance your ability to actively engage in the speaker’s words. Jot down notes or main points that you want to follow up on for deeper understanding. Write down your questions that come to mind rather than interrupting with them.

A Few Final Thoughts and Questions

This holiday season will be filled with opportunities to put people first. However, with new toys, football games and parades, projects around the house, prepping for guests, travel, etc. potential distractions will be all around us. People are likely going to share with you how they felt about their year, the things going on in their life, the New Year’s resolutions they intend to make, and their goals for the upcoming year. When you listen and truly give people your attention you are shouting out to them that you care.

What strategies do you use to enhance your active listening?

How has listening impacted your academic, personal, and professional life?

Are you willing to make a commitment to prioritize active listening? 

Calen Schultz

Email: calen.schultz@gmail.com

References:

Nichols, M. P. (1995). The lost art of listening. New York: Guilford

Adler, M. J. (1983). How to speak, how to listen. New York: Macmillan.

Kaponya, P. J. (1991). The human resource professional: Tactics and strategies for career success. New York: Praeger Publishers.