A Timely Question
The way the self arrays itself is the form of the entire world. See each thing in this entire world as a moment of time.
Things do not hinder one another, just as moments do not hinder one another. The way-seeking mind arises in this moment. A way-seeking moment arises in this mind. It is the same with practice and with attaining the way. Thus the self setting itself out in array sees itself. This is understanding that the self is time.
-From the essay "Uji" by Dogen (1200 - 1253), philosopher and Zen teacher
As our new year begins, let’s use this traditional time of reflection to ask ourselves a big question, a fundamental question. And to assure we come at it from a different angle—that we don’t dig up old familiar ground—let’s reformat it in a fresh way. “How far do I extend?” is the inquiry I propose.
Right off you might find yourself feeling into your body. If you pay attention to your experience and include more of your senses than just your eyes, you’ll likely very quickly notice that you don’t end at your outer layer of skin. Yes, when we look in the mirror we distinguish our body, as contained by the skin, from other objects we see. But is that how it feels?
(Of course for many of us, coming back to our body, as contained by our skin, is tremendously important and a big accomplishment. We too easily scatter ourselves in thought, in planning, in worry. Sensing our body can bring us here, but where that is exactly is what we are studying.)
Part of the trouble in asking questions is that we have in our mind pre-existing categories with which we are looking. These categories define what counts as a sensible response for questions. So if the defining category I have for me is my body, that’s where I will say I am—and I will only find evidence that verifies that. If my defining category for my identity is my thinking, I will point to my head when asked, and so on.
That’s why I brought forth the question “How far do I extend?,” so that we would start looking for ourselves with new categories, unfamiliar ones, and consequently have a new meeting with ourselves.
Let’s carry on with our question. Saying that I don’t end at my skin means that I am not a thing, an object with geographic location. If I am instead a process, a continually unfolding set of sensations, feelings, thoughts, emotions and so on, how far does this process extend? Are its limits the edges of my experience? And where are those edges exactly?
Even if I am a process, it seems an obvious point that someone, or some phenomenon capable of observation, has to be aware of the process and aware that it is observing. From this angle the original question becomes, “How far does this awareness of being aware extend?”
Are you following all of this? Maybe some new territory is being opened up for you—that would be great. Or maybe you don’t see the relevance of this line of conversation. A word, then, on relevance: all our suffering comes from a misunderstanding of who we are.
When we mistake who we are, we hopelessly strive to protect ourselves, fruitlessly attempt to defend what we feel we need to maintain ourselves and, at the deepest level, feel unmet, unheld, unknown by the world. All of this because we define ourselves, feel ourselves, know ourselves as much too small and then insist that everyone submit to our definition and treat us as this smallness. All of this of course is quite normal and what our culture produces; nonetheless, it is the source of our discontent and our sharing that discontent with others—see dysfunctional families, territorial politics at work, wars, crime, violence… you get the picture.
Dogen, in the quote above, has a different possibility for us to enter into, a different path to take. What if we are the same being as the world? What if we are the same being as time is? Even if we think that world is limited (by the way, Dogen means the entire universe, not just the planet Earth) we know that time has no beginning or end that we can imagine. If we are time, which is inseparable from all other phenomena, then certainly we don’t have to defend, protect or feel relationally wounded.
And the answer to “How far do I extend?” is answered quite differently.
If we can settle our mind for just a moment we can feel what Dogen is pointing to. Sometime when you are settled in meditation ask yourself where you are and then wait for a response—and please don’t go with what your immediate thoughts are. Alternately you could ask yourself, “When did I begin?” and again wait for a response.
Check out these websites for more on this important and difficult essay of Dogen:
- http://www.thezensite.com/ZenTeachings/Dogen_Teachings/Uji.htm
- http://www.shastaabbey.org/pdf/shobo/011uji.pdf
- http://everydayzen.org/teachings/?sort=date&title=uji
Take care of yourself.
Love,
James
Start your year off intentionally with our free 2-hour webinar special event on February 10th at 10 am Eastern: "An Integral Start: A Coaching Approach to Refreshing and Refocusing Your Life"