Technology and the throw away relationship

(Warning - An agony aunt-ish point of view and nothing to do with travel and transportation but a bit to do with technology)

As we all know, the world has changed significantly over the last few years and we are now in the digital age where data is the most valuable natural resource. Technology has changed almost everything, and everything is smart, well, maybe onto everything – I frequently shake my head mutter under my breath when I see a family out to dinner with every member transfixed by their electronic device.  But I digress, stuff, any stuff, is a lot easier nowadays…but how has it affected (or perhaps, infected) us?

I was having a discussion recently with one of my (adult) children regarding relationships. She (who shall remain nameless) and her siblings are shameless users of a ‘matchmaking’ app, let’s call it Tender. Whilst some tend to gasp at the thought and see such apps as mere ‘hook-up’ tools it is, in fact, a very effective, if somewhat shallow, way to meeting people.

You simply swipe left or right, or click yay or nay depending on your first, largely visual (this is where the shallow part comes in) impression. Gone is a large part of The Chase, the endless nights in clubs and bars, or wherever else you choose to meet suitable companions, gone is the meticulous grooming, sweaty palms and wing-men or wing-women, gone is the initial fear inducing approach and opening line. The first step of the process is taken care of by algorithms, analytics and mobile technology. It is so much easier and, had such an avenue been open to me in my day, I have no doubt that I would have been an avid supporter.

However, when my daughter and I were discussing this we debated how this has impacted how much we value relationships. In the ‘old’ days so much effort went into The Chase that once a suitable companion was identified and mutual attraction of interest was shown, an equal if not greater effort was put into maintaining the relationship, nurturing it and respecting it. Of course not all engagements were successful and, after much deliberation and soul searching, relationships were terminated, the inevitable Chase is on again. Back to endless nights in clubs and bars, the meticulous grooming, sweaty palms, wing-men or wing-women, the initial fear inducing approach and carefully planned, usually cheesy, opening line. It was a lot of effort.

With most of that now out of the way and finding a new companion being so much easier it brought us to the conclusion that, when things in a relationship start to go slightly awry (and I do generalize here) folks feel less inclined to put the effort into what they have. Do they really make every effort to talk, face to face rather than chat through a messaging app, and resolve issues, or do they throw the relationship away and start over, in the comfort of their home, with the help of an app? We think perhaps not.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against such life-changing tools, indeed two of my other (adult) off-spring are in loving and committed relationships, one of which has produce a grandchild, having initiated on Tender.

Technology does make many things a lot easier, thus enabling us to do more with our lives. We, however, should not let technology diminish us.