Advice for the Stranger next to me

Something happened last week at lunch and I find myself still thinking about it a few days later. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I should write it down and share it, so here it is and I hope you enjoy it.

The Story

When it came time for me to go and eat lunch, I pondered my choices for a few moments before finally walking off to one of my usual places. When I go to this place, the process is usually the same even though my order may be different. Per my normal process, I take a seat at the bar and wait for the bartender to take my order. After some small back and forth banter, I place my order and wait for my glass of water. I always wait for my glass of water so that I can "claim my seat". Once my seat is claimed, I go and wash my hands in preparation for lunch. In my mind, the presence of the glass of water is a visual indicator that "this seat is taken".

On this day, upon returning from my sanitary preparation, I am immediately struck by the fact that in the short duration of time I was away, someone took my seat! Thoughts of Seinfeld and Curb your Enthusiasm spin in my head for a moment.

As I close in on what I thought was my claimed seat, I notice the person had actually sat next to my claimed seat. As I walk up to grab my glass of water and move over one seat, I jokingly state to this new patron. "Damn dude, you sat right on top of my glass of water".... No response, other than a passing glance. No worries on my side either, I just sit down and check the news on my phone as I wait.

A few moments later, the bartender approaches the man and asks if he needs a menu. He responds that he would like to speak to the manager. A short while after that, the manager approaches and asks the man how he can help him.

It turns out, the man is inquiring about employment.

• "I am wondering if you guys are hiring for any positions"?
• "Depends, what kind of job are you looking for?"
• "Anything really. Maybe a Dishwasher."
• "Well I'll give you an application so you can fill it out. Our hiring manager takes applications Tuesday thru Thursday between 2 and 4. Come back then to hand it in."

I think there was some additional banter back and forth before the manager scurried off to fetch an application for this individual. As this man waits for his application, I continue to wait for my food. While I wasn't trying to eavesdrop on their conversation in any way, it was next to impossible to not overhear it given our close proximity.

The exchange I overheard brought back memories of when I was younger and in a similar position as this man. In an instant, I replay the memories of my working history from then to now. As these memories begin to swirl in my head, I begin to realize that I might be able to help this young man and offer him some advice. I pause for a moment and question whether or not I should keep my mouth shut.

I don't.

• "Hey dude, I'm not trying to be nosy, but I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with that manager. I'm wondering if I can offer you some advice".
• "Um... ok. Advice about what?"
• "Well, again, I'm not trying to be rude, but I just heard you tell him that you want to be a dishwasher. I am not saying there's anything wrong with that, but do you really want to be a dishwasher?"
• "Well no. But I really need a job right now and I'd settle for anything at this point. I figure anyone can be a dishwasher, so it seemed like a good start."
• "Well yeah... totally. And your right, it would be a good place to start."
• "Ok, so... why are you butting in to my business?"

I smile for a moment and pause. I need to prepare my advice. People have told me I can come off as brash, even though I don't always mean to be. I truly feel like I can help this person and I don't want to sound rude. I had been where this kid is now.

• "Don't start off the conversation by telling them where you are willing to settle. Try to start off by telling them where you want to go instead. Tell them where you want to go, and tell them you are willing to do the hard work to get there."
• "What do you mean?"
• "Well, if you tell them that you want to be a dishwasher, then chances are they will only ever see you as a dishwasher. Make sense?"
• "Sort of."
• "But imagine if you came in here and told them you want to be a chef. Not only are you setting your sights higher, but you're also telling them that you have goals. And if they believe you, then they can help you achieve those goals."

He pauses for a moment and looks down at the table. I can tell he is thinking about what I am telling him. My concern about interjecting in this strangers personal business wanes a little and I feel less anxious about sharing my thoughts with this stranger.

After a moment, he responds.

• "But I already told him I am willing to wash dishes."
• "Your right, you did. The thing is, he also said that you have to come back later to meet with another manager. To me, that seems like you get a do-over. You get a second chance to represent yourself to this company."

He smiles and nods his head.

• "But what if I don't want to be a chef?"
• "Well that's cool too. Its definitely not for everyone. One of my first jobs was working as a saucier at Opryland down in Nashville. I learned a lot and took a lot from that job. Granted, I may wash my hands a hundred times a day now, but I never went home hungry. More so, because of that job, I now know how to cook. And because I know how to cook, I could go anywhere in this country and find a job as a cook if I wanted or needed to."
• "Are you a cook now?"
• "Not at all. It wasn't for me. I ate too much food, couldn't stand getting dirty and wanted to make more money. I went on to work with a moving company."
• "So, if you didn't like it, why are you telling me to try to be a cook."
• "Because eventually I came to realize that that job was just a stepping stone in my life. Just like this job would be a stepping stone in your life. When I went to Opryland I was 17 and had no real cooking experience. When I filled out that application, I put down dishwasher and garbage person. I didn't even have a drivers license and I thought those jobs were the only things I was qualified for. They sent me over to the commissary kitchen and I interviewed with the Sous Chef. At one point, he asked me if I really wanted to be washing dishes and I basically told him the same thing you just told me. He asked me to tell him how to cook a cheeseburger. When I was done, he told me I should always set my sights higher and then he offered me a job as a junior saucier."
• "Dude, I don't even know what Opryland or a commissary or a saucier is."
• "Neither did I. But I learned."

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the manager coming back over towards us, so I knew it was time to wrap this thing up. I wished the guy luck and told him I hope my advice can help in some way. I also apologized again for butting into his business. He shook my hand as he got up to intercept the manager and thanked me for my time.

Its only been a few days since this conversation happened, so I don't know what became of this guy. Maybe I will cross paths with him sometime in the near future and find out.