To Solve Problems, Start With “Being”

Typically when people are confronted with a problem, their first question is, “What should I DO?”  I would like to offer a better approach, illustrated with the following example.  When my daughter was a little girl, her ball of yarn got all tangled up in a knot.  She was on the verge of tears and frustrated (what we used to call “frusty-rusty”).  She cried, “Daddy, help me!”  

The first thing I did is sit down on the floor next to her.  Then said, “Okay, the first thing we are going to do is set down the yarn and just calm down.”  

She begrudgingly obeyed.  

Then I said, “Okay.  Let’s just look at the yarn for a little bit without touching it. Look to see where the worst knots are.”  

Then after a little while, I said, “So, let’s not try to untangle it, but let’s just pull on the strings where the worst knots are, one way and the next, and see what tightens it up and what loosens the knot.  Let’s do this in several different places to just get a feeling for what we are dealing with.”  

After doing that exploration for a little while, I said, “Okay.  Let’s just loosen up those knots based on what we learned.  But still, let’s not try to untangle it.  Now let’s just take a look and ask ourselves what kind of effect we have on the knotted up yarn.”  

By this point, my daughter was quiet and interested.  

“Now that we have some understanding of what created this jumbled mess, we can ask ourselves what to do.  If we slide this string out, notice how the whole thing opens up.  Now we can continue with the Doing, moving one piece of yarn and then the next.”  

Almost like magic, the whole jumbled mess unraveled and we were able to roll it back up into a nice tidy ball.

It was only after I thought about this later, that I realized what we did was what I call in my lectures “Being, Merging, Knowing, and Doing”.  It is how to fix problems.  In fact, it is how to do anything.  You don’t try to jump into Doing. That comes last.  

First comes Being.  Just rest into your own Being, settle down, do what some people might call getting centered (though that cliché has begun to annoy me).  That state of Being is the foundation to all progress in life.  Taken to the deepest level, people call it the state of enlightenment.  It is the state of being permanently established in your Being, for which proper meditation is the most powerful tool.  But I digress.  

The second step is called Merging.  You come to know whatever it is you are dealing with.  You merge with it.  In the case of a ball of yarn, you just explore its nature.  If it’s another person you are dealing with, you listen to them.  You feel them.  You come to understand them.  Taken to the deepest level, that is called Unity.  You become one with whatever it is you are dealing with.  But, there I go again.  

Then comes the Knowing.  Through Being and Merging, you naturally come to Know what it is you are dealing with.  You start to understand how it ticks, how it’s put together, how it functions, what mechanics are involved.  

Then, the next and last step (not the first), comes the Doing.  Once you really know what it is you are dealing with, you don’t need to apply any technique of Doing.  It’s not about techniques.  The Doing on this level becomes self-evident.  It just falls in your hands.  It’s obvious.  

In the future, when you are confronted with a problem or challenge, try out Being, Merging, Knowing, and Doing.  I didn’t make it up.  I simply live it.  I chose those four words because they best describe the process.  In the case of a ball of yarn, I was delighted to see after the fact, I practiced what I preach.  And even better, it actually worked.  

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Michael Mamas is the founder of The Center of Rational Spirituality, a nonprofit organization dedicated to the betterment of humanity through the integration of ancient spiritual wisdom with modern rational thought. From personal issues to global trends, Michael Mamas helps individuals and organizations develop a deeper understanding and more comprehensive outlook by providing a 'bridge' between the abstract and concrete, the Eastern and Western, and the ancient and modern. Michael Mamas has been teaching internationally for 35 years and writes on a variety of subjects on his blog, MichaelMamas.net.