React with Mindfulness

TL/DR (that’s “Too Long / Didn’t Read” for the uninitiated)

If you need help, ask

If you can help, give

also

Take only what you need

Give only what you can

Now for the long version

February had an unfamiliar start. Work was fiercely shifted from long-term, planned activity to a short-term single task. This was not expected. This was not comfortable. The decision was mandatory.

I was furloughed with a lay off date of April 1. No joke here. Many people were affected.

This happened before COVID-19 changed our daily routines in the US. Those of us affected by the layoff even considered ourselves lucky in a strange way. The unemployment rate was historically low, and hiring was brisk. The world quickly changed. The silver lining faded.

The magnitude of the stress was surprisingly high for me. I found myself in an overdrive pattern of thinking. This was not anxiety, depression, or other harmful concerns. I told myself to stay calm, make a plan, and work the plan. But the mind wandered. Raced. Over-planned. It reached a point where sleep was hard to find. My body was tired from trying to do the right thing too fast.

If you need help, ask.

I reached out to a therapist. It was a first for me, and a fantastic choice. Talking through the stress of the time helped reassure me that I was on a good path. Outside validation of my plan helped calm nerves from the impulse to try to make the world run faster. One very insightful direction was around the concept of control. There’s only so much I can control. No amount of worry will change the uncontrollable.

We are all sharing a strange moment in human history. Many of us are struggling to fill basic needs. Some of us can weather the storm comfortably. After finding genuine peace of mind from asking for support I learned a valuable lesson. Help is there for a reason. Use it. Especially if it's the first time asking for that kind of aid.

If you can help, give.

I won’t be able to travel to Cambodia this year to continue hands-on humanitarian work. It breaks my 15-year annual streak. So instead I'll find ways to give to both my local community and my distant community.

Work is also on a solid path forward now. I recently accepted a new position with a fantastic company. This opens a new set of options to give back since the stress of work is soothed. But it goes beyond a capability to give back. It’s a moral requirement.

I’m not a therapist, so I can’t give back the same type of help I needed. But I have other skills and resources. It’s time to lend a hand to someone else who needs it.

Be mindful of what you need and what you give

These reminders come with an important caveat. We must all remember to balance these needs so we don’t over extend. For those seeking help, take only what you need. For those providing help, give only what you can. And if the take / give ratio seems unbalanced right now, that’s ok. Over time it will balance out. And don’t be surprised if you are in the odd position of both needing and giving simultaneously.

Being mindful of this challenge can help us all react to adversity in a positive way. That's what we all need right now.