Processing Feedback in a Healthy Way

Feedback is all around us these days. It is available to give and receive at the touch of a button. Even for a simple task like picking up my groceries curbside, I received a text message asking me to rate the experience. While the aggregate data can be useful for business improvements, individual sets of feedback must often be processed by people with real feelings. By integrating the wise teachings of my past mentors/coaches with my personal experiences, I have landed on the following approach to personal growth with healthy boundaries.

Step 1 - Prepare for Feedback: First, we must prepare ourselves to receive the feedback. Build a strong foundation in our minds that feedback is NOT a report card about us. Rather, it is a point-in-time peek into another person's perspective. It can be very useful if we process it in the right manner.

Step 2 - Attain Feedback: Next, it is time to receive our feedback. Maybe it is opening a report, or maybe it is a meeting with our manager. Either way, we are walking in with a strong foundation, and we are ready to intake the information. During this process, we should allow ourselves to be human. As humans, positive feedback can make us feel good. Constructive or negative feedback can make us feel hurt or misunderstood.  That is all normal, but in reality, neither the positive nor constructive feedback defines us.  So, we can allow ourselves to go through the feelings, but put a time box around it (ex. focus on it for 15 minutes).  Then, let it go, and move forward into the next step.

Step 3 - Bucket Feedback: This is where the rubber meets the road. What can we do with the feedback? Consider the source of the feedback, their intent, and how well they know you. With these factors in mind, bucket the feedback into these categories.

• True Feedback (Act on These) - What is correct and actionable?  We want to lean into these as opportunities to learn and grow.
• Misunderstandings (Clarify These) - What is incorrect and actionable? These are often misperceptions or misunderstandings, which present opportunities for clarification.
• False Feedback (Let Go of These) - What appears to be incorrect and unactionable? We want to simply let these go, as opposed to investing further energy into them.

At this point, we have taken appropriate ownership and action for feedback. We can appreciate others' perspectives while processing in a healthy manner. In parallel, we have also avoided unhealthy rumination. In this way, we can keep our peace in a world of constant feedback.