The problem with NOT accepting help

"Would you like some help with that?" my coworker asked.

I was loading boxes onto a wheeled cart.

My IT project was almost done.  We'd developed the code, tested it, burned it to CDs, and stuffed 800 large envelopes which were now in boxes ready to take to the mail room.  I'd been running on stress and adrenaline for months, and now the end was in sight.

As the project manager, I didn't want to ask this developer to do something menial like hauling boxes.  I could do it.

"No, I'm just taking these down to the mail room," I said.

He asked again.  "Would you like some help with that?"

I looked at the pile of boxes.  They were big and awkward.  I'd almost dropped one and spilled out all the envelopes.

I took a deep breath and said, "Yes, thanks.  That would be great."

Why was that so hard?!

I've reflected on this question a lot.  I can see now that I felt like I had to prove myself.  I wanted to be seen as capable and self-reliant.  I didn't want to burden others.  I thought of myself as independent and thought asking for help was a sign of weakness.

Yet, I love helping other people.  It's nice to feel needed.  It feels great to know I made a difference, no matter how small.  Even if it's just listening to a friend tell me about her problems.

When I help someone, I don't think less of them.  And so, I don't need to think less of myself for accepting help.

So many women I know have trouble accepting for help.  Maybe even you, sometimes.  We’re so used to taking care of others that accepting help doesn’t feel right.

This is something I'm working on.  As a recovering people-pleasing perfectionist, who also wants to create deeper connections with people, I need to let down my guard and let people in.  And it's hard sometimes.

Helping people, and receiving help, creates connection.  It helps people to bond.  It's even been said that we like people more after we help them.

And accepting help builds self-confidence.  Because you show yourself that you're taking care of your needs.

And that taking care of yourself matters!

YOU matter!