Persisting in the face of self-doubt

Do you ever hold yourself back because of self-doubt? I do. Have you ever tried to do something new and scary, like going for a new work role or speaking up about something at work, and heard this little voice saying ‘don’t do that, it won’t work’? I have that. And so do almost all the clients I work with, who come to see me because they feel lost, without direction or purpose, because things don’t feel worthwhile. They feel anxious about all the things which will go wrong if they try, all the ways in which they will make a mistake or fail. The thing is, having self-doubt is part of being human. The important thing is what we do with it when it shows up.

I am writing a book. Yes, I am. Saying it out loud more and more often means it is reality. I have written 66 229 words on a couples compassion book called The Lasting Connection and it will be submitted in December and out next Autumn.

Writing this book has been one long exercise in persistence whilst sitting with self-doubt. Will it be good enough? Will I manage to finish it? Will people criticise it? What if I leave something crucial out of it and regret it? Thank you mind. Thank you for the stories you tell me about myself, as that is all they are - stories. Thank you for doing all these safety checks so I can navigate the world and show up in it in a way which is based on expert opinion and research, rather than best guesses. That is what my mind is trying to do when it is giving me self-doubt - it is trying to get me to be evidence based, thorough and reflective of how others perceive me. Great. But sometimes the way my mind evaluates me is less about helpful evaluation and more about restricting devaluation. Watch out for when this happens and meet your inner critic, where it is at. It is scared, after all.

Doing something new and scary? Boom, there’s that voice. Doing something pioneering and a bit off the beaten track? There it is again. “Hello, I'm your inner critic, I would like to pick some holes in what you have come up with. Not for shits and giggles, but to keep you safe.” Just sometimes we need to step out and experience the heat of the inner critic in order to move beyond the cold of a narrow comfort zone. One which holds us in place, not daring to leave the nest for fear that we may crash and burn. But the only way we will know for sure that we won’t fly and soar high in the sky, is by not attempting. By not leaving the comfort of the nest and trying our wings. You just got to take that leap.

You'll get there.

What scary thing are you doing right now which your inner critic is having a field day about? Send me a comment or message, I would love to hear from you in your journey. You can book a free call to chat more with me on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk.

Michaela Thomas, Clinical Psychologist and Founder of The Thomas Connection