It is Okay to Not Know.

I am generally the kind of person who loves knowing. I enjoy planning my life, my career, I enjoy being in control and knowing where I am headed, and in good amount of detail. However in the last 6 months or so, I am finding myself more and more comfortable with not knowing...

Recently I caught up with a friend who was disturbed by the thought that she had no idea where she saw herself in the forseeable future. She even went on to ask me how I knew where I saw myself. The answer was simple. I didn’t.

Yes I have a plan and I have ideas of where I think I want to be, but we live in a fast changing world full of ambiguity, that certainty is not something anyone can afford to get complacent with.

Why do we NEED to Know?

I recently read this book -  “Not Knowing” By Diana Renner and Steven D’Souza, and among other things - three ideas I got from it, changed my outlook on the need for “Knowing” (spoiler alert!):

• "Knowledge can be Dangerous" - Sometimes being sure is often being wrong - Being sure means that at some point you will realize that you thought you knew more than you actually did.
• "Darkness Illuminates" - The willingness to continue into the darkness of the unknown and not stop at the edge of all that you know, is what allows artists to create and entrepreneurs to bring themselves to market.
• The Idea of "Negative Capability" – A nice little concept about being able to "Empty your Cup" to make space for new knowledge and experiences - and to have the ability to negate rather than to add.

So coming back to my friend’s situation, the reformed me would probably say it is more important to know your present before you go on to think about your future. In the present, I have found it beneficial to action the following on a regular basis:

1. Be in Touch with Yourself: It is important to understand how you feel about your situation. Are you happy with what you have? Do you want more? If so, why is this change important to you? Own your emotions and everything else will fall in place.
2. Think Back & Reflect: Think of yourself in hindsight. Did you expect to be where you are now, say 3-5 years ago? What did you do right? What could you have done better? Learn from your past but don’t be afraid to make new mistakes! 
3. Set Your Milestones: What are the key points in your future that you want to bookmark? Why are these important milestones in your story? Think about the big picture, just the outline of the horizon will do.
4. Visualize Your Ideal State: You don’t have to know any of the details for certain. Let the details surprise you – but what I think is important to know, is a general sense of what makes you happy. Regularly visualize yourself at your happiest state at the key milestones you previously identified. Then think about what attributes give you that feeling of happiness and security.
5. Take Notes: We all innately know what makes us happy. You’ve thought about it, you’ve visualized it – now scribble it to your mental whiteboard. (Just make sure not to lose the eraser so you can go back to make adjustments!)
   
   

And as the future slowly becomes your present:

• Keep Track of Your Milestones: Keep them, re-prioritize them, change them, but most importantly make sure you have them and that you pin and unpin with good reason.
• Empty that Cup: Bin and Recycle your thoughts on a regular basis and make space for new experiences.
• Be Willing to Walk into the Darkness: The world will come to you with the unexpected. Welcome Change and make friends with Uncertainty for these are better as friends than adversaries!