Never marry foreigner, really?

Like the marriage itself it not difficult enough. It takes an effort to keep it alive. International marriage takes way more to prove one’s love, trust me. It seems to come, at times, with heart-breaking realities that make us really question our choices. Let me put few ideas on table and let’s see if they are considerable enough to justify avoiding such thrilling experience completely.

First… You are bound to be far away from your family and friends. Face it or stop here. This is inevitable for one of you. Hands locked come in loosing true vacations. Very little of your leave will remain after visiting both families. Trust me you will visit each family every year. So not to count money for air tickets your annual leave is due to be used for this. Money once more, while others are saving for new car or exotic vacation you are saving for air tickets to go home. Since family comes first anyway and no one lives forever this is just a minor problem provided you can afford it! When your kids are bigger… you shall see that even having grandparents far away is heart breaking at times as your child will never ever have them together, say under Christmas tree…

Used to have traditional holidays? Those like Christmas/CNY/Ramadan as it depends what’s traditional for you. You’re going to lose it no doubt. There is little point and completely no atmosphere celebrating Christmas in Singapore siting on beach while 35 over Celsius. To twist it, tried to celebrate Chinese New Year in Europe? This doesn’t seems to be a big deal however we all have that inner warm feeling of our comfort zone when we can have our traditional holiday, but well this is to go also.

Ah yeah and obvious… cultural misunderstanding. Exploring one’s culture is really fun and picking up the most interesting cultural habits shall be the core of such relationship, but there will certainly be times when exactly same differences are going to make your life tough, very tough. To follow-up this point – Learning languages. When visiting each others family you are bound to feel as an outsider. Even if they try to change it, they will help only very little. On top do you really think that your shallow so called conversational level of understanding is well enough to keep your most valuable relationship floating? If it happens that a couple has completely different mother’s language then good luck! Aha you can work it out… ok, how about kids? Are they going to be fluent in two, three, four languages? They better be, as talking to your own kids in language which is foreign to you may just add on your burden.

How about thoughts of divorce? You may say, too negative to think this way but consider that, where your kids will go? You don’t need to go that far. Enough is that you will never feel completely at home. Even if you feel comfortable, you are simply not home. This may however improve over the time, I can’t say yet. This is especially hard when other treats you as a foreigner… They surely will.

Coming to the end have you think through where will you be buried when you die? Or not that far where will you be treated when retired and in need? Is it in your hosting country or your original country perhaps? How about your spouse is she going to follow? Kids? Personally I find this as the biggest future wise problem.

So again, never marry foreigner? Not quite so. To be exact not at all for me! But hold on why to bring this up here? For one reason as I feel there is an easy bridge to work life in my mind… Never work in or establish multi-cultural team, hey hold on! REALLY?

Multi-cultural Team is a great challenge yes I get it. It has surely specific downsides yes. But benefits are undeniable. You don’t need to be a manager looking for ideal team composition you can as well be one lucky member of such team to enjoy them. I’d like to however suggest few point to consider and ideally obey shall you wish to get the most of multi-cultural team. Either you forming it or you are part of it.

If you work with a variety of nationalities one shall have a sincere curiosity in their language, rituals, holidays, habits etc. Who wants to hire people who are not curious? Well not me anyway… Working in such team may help you to get over of your religion related prejudice, seriously.

No matter whether you are manager be willing to try another cultures approach. You may surprise yourself with what you find. In turn, if you have ideas that might work better then approach your colleagues and see which ones they may be willing to try as well. Conversation is double-sided. Leave your authoritative and bossy wanna be perception back home. Feel powerful speaking one and your only foreign language – English? Snap! There are going to be people who speak fluent 4 and more completely different languages.

Avoid bad mouthing your hosting country in front of others, instead try to find something positive and appreciate that. In times this is hard to do, you may as well question yourself why are you there? You never know how bashing will be received. Also consider bashing about your country, you are right to say what you feel if asked however facing different cultures you may lose face in front of others. That shall bother you.

Try to remember that language spoken is usually not native to anyone. Be clear with your ideas and avoid slang. Observe behavior of employees from different cultures without judgment, learn from it instead. This eventually leads to greater tolerance and understanding. Skip religion talks completely. If someone religion bothers you, study it first. Do you think being atheist is normal? It may not be for your team mates. I suggest skip religion talks completely unless asked.

When hiring, focus on team dynamics. Even more then you would normally do. The last you’d want is to introduce incompatible team mate into completely diversified team.

Listen, yeah hear it as simple as that, really listen at all levels and have your mind open. Last but not least, enjoy the experience. The world is amazing place to be. International teams help us to explore alternatives we’d have never thought of. You will leave with enriched life and it turn likely enrich theirs.