Mirror Mirror: Using Self-Reflection to Improve Culture

Self-reflection is hard, especially when decisions we make affect other people.

Many times when I talk with business leaders about what I do, sometimes the reaction is to become defensive.

But at the root of my work is to help us all to discover and do things better, and in order to do that we must examine what’s not working.

Sometimes that can sting, but why?

Because we attach SO MUCH of our identities and worth to our work, that pointing out gaps in work culture can feel like an attack.

AND BUT ALSO:

Not one of us is perfect. Every culture has room for improvement.

When there are gaps and dysfunction in work culture it’s not always leadership’s fault, but it is our responsibility to acknowledge and change.

Learning to accept gaps in our culture can make us feel inadequate as leaders because sometimes we don’t know how to accept things about ourselves that we don’t like. That’s another post for another day, but I did want to mention it here. (Can you tell I just came from a therapy session?)

I think part of being a good leader is being curious and asking questions, instead of defending choices that may not be the best because we want to be right and/or have a fear of being wrong.

We may find it so hard to say:

·     I was wrong.

·     I changed my mind.

·     I’m sorry.

·     I’ll work on that.

Being curious will help us build better workplaces.

Why aren’t we asking more questions like:

·     How can we improve the team experience?

·     What will increase our psychological safety?

·     What does the team want/expect out of their work life?

·     What does leadership need to learn to make our culture better?

Being a leader doesn't mean we have to be infallible, perfect, and always right. That’s an unrealistic expectation of our teams and ourselves.

Critical vs Curious

There is a difference between being critical, and being CURIOUS.

Critical: Why are so many employees quitting? I must be failing as a leader. I just knew I wouldn’t be good at this!

Curious: Why are so many employees quitting? Let me have conversations with some team members and ask them what they think.

It’s all about intention. When we are hyper critical of ourselves, what’s the goal?

When we are truly curious, the goal is to actually find out what is happening so we can do something different to improve.

Now, I know what you might be thinking. "I don't have time to reflect" or "Does this stuff really matter?"

Having a healthy work culture matters to your team. Employee turnover is time consuming and costly. I can guarantee you that you will spend less time being reflective than it takes to replace employees.

Working towards healthy cultures isn't more time consuming than constantly recruiting and training, but it might be something different than what we are used to, and learning new ways of doing things does take time.

Self-awareness, being vulnerable and honest with ourselves, self-reflection, and emotional intelligence are crucial to leadership.

How can we strengthen those muscles, especially if they haven’t been used in a while?

(Reminder: vulnerability does not equal weakness.)

Here are some reflection questions you can start with:

·     On a scale from 1-10, with 10 being the highest, how much is my identity, self-worth, and sense of self linked to my work?

·     On a scale from 1-10, with 10 being the highest, how much do I identify with being a perfectionist?

·     Do I find it hard to say “I was wrong” or “I changed my mind?” If so, why do I think that might be?

·     When it comes to the work culture and my leadership, am I being critical or curious?

·     What is one thing I haven’t been honest about or have been avoiding when it comes to the work experience the team is having? Why does it make me uncomfortable?

·     What’s something I can do today to change that thing?

If you’re comfortable sharing, I’d love to hear some of your reflections!