Making Words and Actions Count
When I was younger, I joined a group out of Eastern University called “Y.A.C.H.T.” (Youth Against Complacency and Homelessness Today). It was really a fantastic experience. There was one night in which I met a man that was from Africa. He went through this whole schpeel about how he ended up in Philly, he was robbed (he had a swollen and bruised face), and he needed help. As I look back on it, I’m still somewhat amused that I didn’t see what was going on, but I wanted to help. To make a long story short, I ended up losing 40 bucks to a guy that manipulated my generosity.
Lesson learned.
What hurt me was not that I lost money. There was a father of one of the students that had come with us that was absolutely furious with me. He ridiculed me while we were driving home for being so stupid. I can remember him sitting in the 11 passenger van in the seat right in front of me, my face getting hot while my fists were clenched. Even in my anger, I knew that he was being completely illogical. A 20 year old Christian who would bend over backwards to help someone should not be ridiculed. Redirected? Absolutely. But not ridiculed.
Right before I got onto that van to be scolded, my friend pulled me aside and said, “Listen man, you did what was right. You saw someone that needed help, and you did what you could to help him. That kind of stuff happens all of the time. You’re now a little wiser. Don’t beat yourself up.”
That friend was a homeless guy I met weeks before named Greg.
Leadership is an interesting field. On the one hand, you have people that have a position or title that indicates that they lead others. Sometimes, they have very little knowledge or skills to be effective in those positions. On the other, you have people that do not have the title, but they carry far more influence. We can read books and blogs and watch TedTalks and YouTube videos about leadership all we want, but everything comes down to words and actions. The way that we speak about ourselves, other individuals, groups, ideas, dreams, plans, and history is critical to leadership. How we act and react speaks just as loudly as our words.
When I was berated by that guy on the van, I wanted to know: “What is your goal? How is this helping? Who is this helping? How does it feel to put down someone that tries to help? What do you think I will do with this experience?”
I can answer every one of those questions:
- His goal was to express his frustration.
- It made his life a little easier in the moment because he didn’t have to use self-control, manage his emotions, or put someone else’s needs ahead of his own.
- It helped him and made everybody else feel uncomfortable.
- It made him feel in control.
- He didn’t think.
Whether you are a leader with a formal title or someone who happens to have the influence of a leader without the title, it’s vital to consider whether your goals match your values and that your words and actions match your goals. If you value people, for example, you do not berate them for failing. You point out the positives to encourage and confront the negatives in a constructive way. It’s quite obvious what a person’s values are when they belittle someone else – they value themselves. And they will step on someone else’s head to express it.
When you truly value people, you find a way to support them even when they offend you.
I believe that is one of the leader’s greatest challenges with constituents and customers alike – making every word and action count to show others who is valuable.