Learning styles & an example of why it should matter

I grew up thinking I was terrible at math. When I made it into the advanced class in high school, the teacher told me I didn’t belong and I would never be good at math. After her comments, I dropped out of her class out and took the easier path instead. A few years later, I decided to retake math and do that class so I could apply in a program I wanted in college. I fought with/against my brain and enrolled in night classes.

“Well well well. It seems like you’re not so smart after all, Elyse!”, the night class math teacher said with a grin, exposing me in front of the class.

He was a miserable middle aged man who had an apparent disdain for women and made constant sexist ''jokes'' about us belonging in the kitchen.

When the midterm came, I panicked and blanked out.

[ I didn’t know I had adhd and that it was messing with my ability to perform, concentrate and spot my own mistakes ]

I second guessed everything and I flopped. Badly.

“You had the worst grade of the whole class, and you’re the eldest. How did you manage to fail so hard? You got 30%... How did you even pass your classes in school?!”, he added.         

Everyone in class was dead silent and stared at me, not knowing how to react. I had done all the homework, I understood it. I had never done math in English, and the nerves got the best of me. He was really bad at his job too, and everyone saw that. I packed my shit and replied “if you were actually able to teach, we wouldn’t be here, would we?” And I left promptly.

I went to the ombudsman’s office and told them I wanted to switch classes. They didn’t tell him they sent me elsewhere, so the teacher thought I gave up.

The new class was a dream. A patient and respectful teacher, helpful comrades, a legit book to practice with… it was night and day. Second exam came, and I got 88%. Then, it was time for the semester’s final exam. The room was filled with ALL the students and teachers from all the math classes. Yes, the previous teacher was there too.

He looked like a deer in headlights.

He was so sure that I had dropped out and he had kept mocking me in his class all along. Well, my exam was graded by the new (and highly competent teacher). I finished the course with 80% (remember, midterm grade was 30%).

Sometimes, it’s not all on you.

Sometimes, the environment truly is shitty and the teacher is biased. Building confidence in students helps so much. Publicly humiliating someone doesn’t.

I’m used to it, not my first rodeo. My desire to succeed was bigger than the shame I was feeling… but the public humiliation definitely had shaken my confidence and had made me more self-critical.

Words can deeply hurt, and they can alter people’s trajectories.

Especially if you’re in a position of authority, I invite you to not be a duck to younger (and older) minds. If you see someone getting bullied, please defend and support them. Different brains need different kinds of explanations. Some need all the details to form a picture, and need the subject to be structured and explained under a different lens. As a woman with ADHD, I would have needed to understand exactly how what I was doing would fit in relation to the other concepts, and how to use and apply all the formulas and under which circumstances.

I was never ''bad at math'', I just internalized the belief that I was.

I truly believed that I wasn't cut out for math, science and STEM. That I was doomed to struggle in any field relying on math. The fear and shame were deeply rooted. Years later, in college, I took statistics and did wonderfully.

If you have a neurodivergent brain, please ask yourself if you’re really bad at things, or if you’ve truly never had a real chance to learn it in a way that works for you and your learning style. What you believe about yourself matters. It changes everything.         

- Elyse Robi